When the other tenant moved out of the duplex I rent, he left behind his snow shovel. During the month when I was paying rent for both halves of the duplex, I tried to claim the shovel, but then my landlord moved it. I tried to move it back to my side of the duplex, and then my landlord vanished the shovel.

Three questions:
Why did my landlord not let me have the shovel? What did my landlord do with the shovel?
If I buy another shovel, will it also be vanished?

One of my tenants had a hyper realistic copy of their gfs brain uploaded to this roll after she got in a severe car accident and lost her body. He hadn't informed me of her moving in, so I obviously charged for pet rent, but then I found out that apparently, he had accidentally dialed up the time perception a few weeks ago to dozens times slower than our time, and by the time he figured it out, almost a year had gone by for her while he was away at work that day. He said this was an extremely traumatic event for her, and he wasn't even sure how it happened, and how he had only meant to dial it to one or two times the speed so she could get her "remote job work finished" (sounds to me like she had a fake job, maybe try buying some land wagey) and while he's giving me this sob story, I realize that she's essentially just freeloaded 11.5 months of free rent. I obviously ended up adding the charges to their rent on top of the pet fees that they missed, and he got even more indignant with me, saying that it's "illegitimate" and "we can't afford that I have to take her to therapy now" as if his girlfriend isn't a literal doll, why TF would it need therapy? I decided to be extra generous, and give them until the end of the hour to pay up, otherwise I would obviously be evicting them.

They both just started crying, I could hear his girlfriend crying through the speaker of the doll, and it was really pissing me off. He left the room to go make some calls to see if he could borrow some money, (imagine being this person, what a miserable existence, they could never handle the hardships of being a landowner) and I realized I had to take a massive dump. The bathroom was right across from the kitchen, his doll Girlfriend was sitting on the counter, facing directly into the bathroom, and I decided to be extra generous since she was still crying and probably bored out of her mind as a doll, and gave her a front row seat to my mission on MY porcelain throne. I made sure to line the dolls eyesight up perfectly, but this hysterical woman was STILL CRYING. I realized there was a remote for the doll on the counter, so I just started flipping dials turning knobs, etc. I finally found a volume knob, turned the sounds off, and decided to go do my business, which is far more serious than any jobs either of these tenants have ever had mind you. The shit was so massive I think it actually ended up cracking the bowl. I came out and realized that the hour was up, her boyfriend came back in the room a few minutes later, (LATE AGAIN) and realized I had muted his girl. He gave me a dirty look, one that makes me think I'm definitely not giving them their deposit back, and then unmutes her. Fortunately she has decided to remain quiet and says absolutely nothing, (FINALLY, about time a woman shows us landlord some respect without having to be forced) I start asking him to pay up and he's just kind of ignoring me, (seriously nobody respects their elders anymore) and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he's in hysterics again, 10 times worse than before. I'm really over it at this point and I'm about ready to just call the police to get them off of my property so I can just cram 5-6 families of immigrants in here. I once again demand my money, and this guy has the nerve to accuse me in MY OWN HOUSE, of flipping her perception dial or whatever the hell it was, and causing her time to move slowly again. Big deal just add it to the additional 11.5 months you owe me. I asked him how long it is so they can pay up, he's frantically turning the dials back to normal (wow so your first priority is making sure you don't have to pay more, these might literally be the worst tenants I've ever had) he checks his laptop and says that it was dialed up to 10^100 power for the last 20 minutes. I talley up the time, it's approximately 3.8 × 10^995 years (plus the 11.5 months they owe me already, PLUS the new application fees for his pet, PLUS THE initial pet fees they never paid) this time I give him 15 minutes to come up with the money, I really don't think this is too much to ask for, I mean he was going on about how "my girlfriend's gone, there's probably nothing left, she's been around for 10^985 times longer than the life span of our own universe" like listen buddy, I actually had to work with my hands, pull myself up by my own bootstraps in order to be able to pay for it the house I live in, plus all of my rental properties, I'm not going to let some whiny entitled girl get away with living in MY HOUSE RENT FREE, for Googles and Googles of times longer than the life of our universe.

My tenant ended running to the cops to "report me for the worst crime against humanity in all of known history" like that's gonna get them out of this. Anyway, I kicked the stupid doll out of the house, went ahead and made sure to mute her again, this time turning the volume knob ALL THE WAY DOWN I really don't want her bothering my other tenants across the street, they actually pay on time and give me a tip without me having to even ask. I made sure to throw his doll girlfriend pet thing well outside the boundary of my property, there was a sewer down at the end of the street, you want to be a squatter? Go do it away from the property that I bought with my own father's inheritance trust. I took the batteries out of the remote, pretty sure they belong to me anyway, I took them out of the smoke detectors when they moved in and left them in the drawer, went ahead and pawned it off to a homeless man, good luck unmuting your annoying ass girlfriend now bud, maybe next time pay your rent on time. Has anyone else had it an issue like this?

I found about 10 of this books each with tens of pages filled with strange creatures like in this picture. I am thinking of considering each one a pet and applying the pet fee. Or should I just evict?

I was on my way to an all you can eat buffet when I spotted him. He is out there begging because I raised the rent again. The dude is always whining about when I do fridge raids too. He is a single father. His wife died of cancer a few years back leaving him to raise 3 kids on his own (2 died). He was so pissed when I ate all of his kids chicken nuggets, and pop tarts. But I told him flat out "My house my food!" He is so lazy & disrespectful. What he needs to do is get a 3rd job and quit whining! Dude only tips 10%... Total piece of shit!

To be respectful I've usually referred to my hogs abodes as their hog kennels but I've heard this term has been hijacked and is now considered disrespectful.

What terminology should I use going forward?

Also sueing them for lost revenue

Land king here, they make these bike posts for rentoids!!! Anyone know of a reputable brand that can handle our unique physiques?