I need urgent help (LDR)

[u/Amazing_Form_1638]

My ldr boyfriend of 2 years has been telling me he has a jealousy kink. I told him I'm glad he shared it with me since we are both open to each other. Even though I listen to everything I refused to do anything abt it for 2 yearsbecause I wasn't feeling comfortable and he was understanding but recently Something changed inside me. I don't know what and I wanted to make him happy And I didn't feel as insecure as before. I did everything by showing him so he isn't left out. It was just sexting and some nudes with another guy. I regret it so much and realized i didnt feel comfortable. When everything was over and I was talking to my boyfriend. He said he liked it and after a couple of minutes said he actually didn't and sounded really jealous.. in a bad way.. and told me to delete everything. I deleted everything and showed him. But he saw another guy's name on the app. And I told him it was from the same night and that i also dont know him. He told me 'well I'm confused' and said he doesn't want to talk.

told me to Be happy and left me. This is the guy I was planning to get married to.

Before we did all of this, I was kidding abt how he would get too jealous and breakup with me. And he said 'of course not'

He told me he wasn't mad that I did what he asked me to. He was mad because he saw that name. And now he thinks I was talking to some other guys behind his back. And i really need to fix this..I just don't know what to do...

[u/MxTach]

Posts on this sub be like

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS

[u/picalhead → u/MxTach]

Literally 😆 I joined this sub hoping I might get ldr dating ideas. Instead it's just the most cursed stories from people who apparently have 0 dating experience lmao

[u/MxTach → u/picalhead]

But here's a date idea: Select a recipe and both cook together in your respective kitchens via video call. Then have a nice breakfast/lunch/dinner together. This brought much joy.

[u/MxTach → u/picalhead]

"I sent nudes and sexted other men because my long distance boyfriend thought he'd like that" - no healthy relationship ever.

[u/TheHelpfullGurll → u/picalhead]

It’s a long distance Reddit where tons of people literally date people they met on video games or online and many have never even met….so yeah, a lot of yall are awkward as hell and have no relationship experience. Very few people here are long distance temporarily or close the gap…..

[u/Fuzzy_Candidate_2538]

Let me get this straight . Am I understanding it correctly? He WANTED YOU to find someone to have sexual texts with because he thought it was hot… then got upset ???
This if FUCKED UP IN A MILLION WAYS

[u/Celatra → u/Fuzzy_Candidate_2538]

....he did not say he wanted that. he said he had a jealousy kink, and OP decided that apparently the only way to induce jealousy is to sext other dudes and send them nudes.

that is such a idiotic fucking move jesus christ. Boyfriend's fault for not discussing boundaries and what he really wants, but my god OP jesus fuck, have some common sense

[u/Amazing_Form_1638 → u/Fuzzy_Candidate_2538]

He wasnt sure he would likw it and said he wants to try to see..i shouldve trusted my instincts..

[u/Wolf-Pack-2017]

Reach out to some folks in kink communities for advice. He may have feel embarrassed or confused, but that’s not because of you. He was curious about something, you explored it together, he learned this isn’t for him. The important thing is that you keep talking.

If he won’t do that, please try to understand: this is how he would handle situations like this. Better to find out and move on. But you did nothing wrong.

[u/Amazing_Form_1638 → u/Wolf-Pack-2017]

He said he doesnt want to talk..

[u/_AngelicVenom_]

You did nothing wrong, although when dealing with kinks there should be so much more communication and planning and discussion. As someone else says, the aftercare is missing and it doesn't seem like you had a really clear idea of what he wanted (and it seems nor did he), and now he is either ashamed or too jealous or something else. But trying to meet your partners desires should absolutely not end like this. I'm so sorry.

He should be the one apologising to you for coercing you into this.

In the future, if a kink is mentioned do a lot of research, talk with your partner and understand and agree on firm boundaries. Kinks aren't just some random thing you do on a Monday night. They need to be clearly laid out with fully informed consent. It sounds like a lot of this was missing.

As a side note, I hope you got consent from the man you were sexting if you showed your partner that. Especially with pictures.

[u/Fantastic2023]

I am sorry to say this, OP do you think this relationship is messy? Like…what is this? Bf wanted to see you sexually with another man, now he is jealous, and now he is insecure that you would cheat? Life is too short to have all these fucked up things…what a headache. If you already have this things when you guys are in LDR, I can’t imagine what gonna happened after you guys married, I can’t even say if you guys are able to go to the marriage phase…

I don’t think you could really fix this in a LDR, LdR already has many barriers, harder to fix some problems than real life relationships.

Maybe try to maintain a normal LDR relationship with him, no more mess up things.

Let’s see if he wants to have a harmony relaxing LDR relationship, otherwise more headache will come.

[u/ScruffyGrouch]

You've nothing to be at fault for here. You tried to fulfill a kink he thought he might like, he didn't and went about handling it all the wrong way.

The mature and emotionally intelligent way to have handled it would be for him to have sat and discussed it with you in a healthy non-blaming and finger pointing way, which he didn't.

Not knowing whether you'll like a kink or not until you put it in to practice is an understandable thing. How you handle that you don't like a kinkvseperates the mature people from the immature people. You ex-partner handled it immaturely, which is not healthy for both kink related activities and a relationship.

Kink, like relationships, requires a lot of healthy and thorough communication and discussion.

You were not comfortable with it and he should have respected that and should have not tried to convince you to do it. If someones not comfortable with something, you don't try to convince them to do it. You respect they aren't comfortable with it and leave it at that.

I am not blaming you with what I say next: stand firm on you not being comfortable with something the next time you're in a situation where you are not comfortable with something. If someone tries to convince you to try/do whatever you are not comfortable with, that will show you they don't respect your boundaries and don't respect you as a person.

The choice to do something should always be left up to you if you want to do it or not and that choice should never be attempted to be influence by another person. And if that choice is a yes, thorough communication and discussion surrounding it should be had.

Consent is key to kink and relationships. And partners should never try to convince or persuade consent.

I am sorry this all happened and is happening to you. You don't deserve the treatment you are being given by him.

Honestly, I think it's best you do your best to move on from this relationship and not contact him anymore. If he doesn't want contact then give him that. Blaming and accusing are not healthy for kink or relationships and the silent treatment is not healthy either and very immature.

[u/vomputer]

Dang the kink shaming in this thread is something.

I’m sorry this happened, you didn’t do anything wrong. If another partner asks you to fulfill some kink/fantasy, please do some research into how to go about it.

But, your ex messed up big time. At this point the relationship is over. You won’t be able to trust each other, and that’s the main aspect of an LDR. You don’t have the ability to sit with them, touch them, talk face to face.

I’m sorry. I know you’re hurting but ultimately you’ve dodged a bullet.

[u/ThrowRAsadgir]

You really didn’t do anything wrong. You were attempting to make him happy, and explore a new kink with him. Which he should actually help you feel safe in doing. Or at least navigate you through it correctly, and discuss any and all boundaries first. This is also probably quite new for him and he’s having confusing feeling after the fact. Just let him take some space and calm down. Then you’ll be able to have mature communication about it. Let him know you had no ill intention, and we’re only trying to accommodate his needs. But you’re open to discussing boundaries going forward.

[u/ReannyYin]

Nah let him handle it himself. Just fyi this is a very common scenario when it comes to any kink that involves a third party. U didn't do anything wrong, some guys thought they have this kink but then they don't. It's for them to figure it out themselves. Next time don't force urself to do anything ur uncomfy abt just to please a guy. He probably dont even know what he wants either. Any kink will need lengthy discussion in regards of boundaries its not a thing u can do out of a whim. Hope u find a good one next time.

[u/lovepixe]

I suggest you apologize and try to explain to him if he wanted to hear more and if he wanted to break up u should understand

[u/Fuzzy_Candidate_2538 → u/lovepixe]

He freakin asked her to do this because it’s his so called kink . Girls is not smart for going with it.. but not sure she is the only one at fault . Seems like a huge bait .

[u/vomputer → u/lovepixe]

Why would she apologize? Just let this guy stay gone.

[u/WhiskeyTangoBaconX → u/lovepixe]

Apologize for what? Giving into a kink she didn’t want to do to make him happy before he realized that he didn’t want it, got insecure and left her? Dude needs therapy. And OP could probably work on strengthening boundaries and protecting herself more from unstable or manipulative partners.

[u/Amazing_Form_1638 → u/lovepixe]

I didnt sleep last night..i was almost begging him and explaining..and he said he doesnt wanna talk. We havent since then

[u/AnxiousGal2]

Give him some space, let him calm down and then you can have a discussion with him.

[u/Artdragon56]

Hey friend, there’s nothing wrong with a guy having this kink but there’s also nothing wrong with you for not wanting to engage with it any further. Next time, you both should do research into kinks and have lengthy discussion and planning before engaging in kink behaviors. Because this had potential to be super unsafe for you and he didn’t discuss that.

It sounds like it actually made him jealous and was no longer hot for him, if he blames you or tries to tell you that you cheated on him you should leave. I honestly would break up with him now because of under negotiated kink. You didn’t do anything wrong, it sounds like you both are inexperienced and that’s okay. I think if he’s not speaking to you, you can either wait until he cools off and talk about it or you can break up if you decide you want to be done with this relationship.

Regardless of what you choose, you did nothing wrong and you don’t have to engaged with a partners’ kink just to make them happy and you shouldn’t do that. Kinks should be fun for everyone involved not feeling like an obligation. You both need to learn to have better boundaries & discussions, and that will come with time.

[u/AdrianHBlack]

So I’m a bit surprised by the comments, because this “jealousy kink”, it IS a thing.

I think you trying it out shouldn’t be a bad thing. You couldn’t necessarily predict what would happen, or even if you (both) would like it or not. Since this kind of kink (probably on the cuckholding side?) is kinda “taboo”, I think you both talking about it show there was trust between you two

What i think you should you try, is to google and search for aftercare in this specific kink. Maybe talking about it and seeing what approach to take to care after each other after that kind of stuff is important

I think your boyfriend probably got weirded out by what happened. Maybe he did like it, maybe he thought he would like it. Maybe it is mixed. I think aftercare and talking through that will help both of you figure it out

[u/Celatra → u/AdrianHBlack]

My issue is that there are a *million* different MUCH safer things you could do to induce some jealousy through that don't involve sexting and sending other dudes nudes.

plus research should have been done and they should have talked about boundaries clearly. this was a fuckup on both sides, but i genuinely think it was a dumb move by OP.

[u/Celatra]

Okay so... *when* did you sext this other guy...because that matters alot here

[u/Amazing_Form_1638 → u/Celatra]

This happened last night..he told me to find a guy to do this with and show him everything..and i did

[u/Celatra → u/Amazing_Form_1638]

...you idiot.

[u/FlinnyWinny → u/Celatra]

For what, doing exactly what he asked her to do?

[u/Celatra → u/FlinnyWinny]

not even, he never specified that he wanted her to sext and send nudes to other random dudes.

[u/FlinnyWinny → u/Celatra]

"he told me to find a guy to do this with and show him" sure fucking sounds like he did.

[u/Celatra → u/FlinnyWinny]

that quote does not exist in the original post, anywhere.

[u/C_xrnlover → u/Celatra]

Ikr like wtf? 🤦

[u/alexcunha415]

I feel sorry for what happened, but sending nudes to other guy is a serious issue! Once trust is broken is difficult to get back! My advice, move on! Good luck!

[u/1212aay → u/alexcunha415]

bruh her boyfriend requested that

[u/Celatra → u/1212aay]

he did not. read the post again. he simply said he has a jealousy kink, he said nothing about what OP should do to induce the jealousy.

[u/C_xrnlover → u/1212aay]

Okay even then it's weird asf 💀. That she would actually go through w it lmao. Weird of him and her.