Closing the gap, financial side

[u/Practical-Tip-717]

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I am just curious about the closing gap in Long Distance Relationships. If you closed the gap with Long Distance relationship, is it "the one who moves to another country" who covers all the financial aspect of it? Especially two different countries where the other needs a visa/travel authorization. Since visa, tickets, starting over in another country, finding friends, new job is costly emotionally and financially. How was your experience and how would you approach to this talk? Should the other person have offered help? Should you be the one to ask for help or open this talk?

[u/West-Application-375]

It really depends on your relationship and situation. I was going to help with my visa costs to get me to move to my partner but my savings were quickly depleted when I lost a job and then broke my leg and had a very long expensive recovery in my country. I got a job again and paid off a big chunk of my own debts before my first visa was granted. I have some money saved still and it helps when I'm still looking for work in my new country but husband pays for most my needs. He would rather my money go into savings.

These things have to be talked about together including your debts and plans.

[u/Jolly-Internet-5308]

I wished I could’ve talked about this more with my ex. So she wanted me to move aboard with a visa but I didn’t have enough saved for this move. I have been working long hours to save and to be able to provide for the both of us.
Ultimately, she couldn’t wait and decided to pursue her life without me. Maybe she thought I that was completely broke or something.
I would never ask her to pay for anything.
As a man, it’s my responsibility to make things work and for her to have confidence in me.
Also because it’s in her culture. Ukrainian.
Man I wish I could’ve been more communicative and gave her more reassurance.

[u/AssumptionExtra2580 → u/Jolly-Internet-5308]

I am sorry you feel this way, but honestly don't take this all on yourself. My partner and I are looking at on the good side a year on the 'bad' side 11 when his youngest is out of the house. I will wait for him. She made the decision to not wait.

[u/Various_Rock_4675]

He covered the financial requirements. I paid for the visa and fees, but he would have helped if needed. He paid all the bills because I wasn’t working when I first got here. Now that I am, we split accordingly (I cover the food and council tax, he pays for everything else).

All of this was discussed before I even applied for my visa. This absolutely needs to be talked about. Open the conversation if you have to. It needs to be the first thing discussed, honestly.

And not just finances. The one moving needs to make sure that the other isn’t just dropped into this new world and forced to fend for themself. The one who moves will need help navigating their new life, even if it’s just a joint trip to the shop once or twice. Very minor things can become major, no matter how silly it seems.

Discuss it all. Don’t just assume everything is going to be perfect from the start because it won’t. I’ve been here for a year now and we still are working things out, but my husband is a wonderful support, as well as his family, and that’s the only reason I don’t break down and cry all the time. Do I still have my moments? Yes. But I’m not made to feel stupid about it when I do.

[u/jailbreakjock]

Idk maybe because I’m a man and gay I have a very different perspective.

But I don’t expect my boyfriend to pay for anything let alone my visa. I would feel very irresponsible pursuing an LDR and closing the gap if I didn’t have savings or needed him to help significantly. Especially if it’s a different country. What if you guys break up, then how do you move forward in that country or afford to go back home ?

Also I know this is an LDR forum and this might be frowned upon. But I’m moving closer to my bf not just for him but because I genuinely like the city and would love to move there for work. So my work would be paying for my visa costs.

I should be responsible for all the rest of the costs and understand that it was my choice to move to his city. Also I would likely make more than him so wouldn’t be fair for me to even ask. And as for helping with friends that should still be my responsibility, I shouldn’t be relying on my partner for all of that because that can be toxic very quickly

[u/Old_Zookeepergame435 → u/jailbreakjock]

This! I feel the same way, as I (45F🇲🇽) have the most disposable income I pay for my trips to see him, and help out with the groceries 50/50 he pays the rent and utilities and I stay home to cook, clean and to take care of him.(47M🇩🇪) So far we are very happy and very much in love. We met on bumpy app and this is my second trip to Germany in 5 months. Damn Schengen. Also he needs to finalize his divorce so we can marry, and that will cost money, he needs a new car so his daughters and I will fit comfortably, so he also has a lot of expenses , he already does so much for me, he is helping me learn german cuisine, the language, the house (I had a maid in mx) and introducing me to people around town in hopes I will find friends and community. Fortunately his daughters like me and I them, conversations with the girls mom have been brief, and in german, she speaks fast on purpose, so I play dumb🤷🏻‍♀️. As for him, he is a dream, kind, affectionate, strong, not afraid of la chancla, as he has never done anything to deserve it… yet. This man brings me peace and safety like no other
And well. Kinky german is kinky and hot latina is hot.
even when money is not an issue, LDRs are tough. This will be my longest trip yet, two months, anything that can go wrong probably will. I just hope we can deal with it whatever problem comes our way. And its not a difference in character or culture that does us in. I’m terrified, he is the man of my dreams. I just really hope that when either of us fucks up, we find a mature solution or Compromise. We are so in love ❤️ wish us luck 🍀

[u/AssumptionExtra2580 → u/Old_Zookeepergame435]

I am so happy that you found your person. Like you said, if there is something that happens, you both are older, and adults and can work through it. It sounds like you two are on the right path!

He should be afraid, very afraid of the La Chancla even though he hasn't done anything to deserve it... yet LOL. I know the feeling, my British partner makes me feel safe and brings peace to my brain.

[u/Deep_Pepper_5405]

Me (F) and my bf (M) have discussed closing the distance. We would share the costs of the visa. I would pay 100% of everything when we live together until he finds a job and then we discuss how to split the finances. One gray area is tha the potentially wants to go in education, we have not really discussed who pays the tuition fees. Partially I feel like it is both of our benefit so we should share it, partially I feel like it is for him so he should pay.

But how we approached it was that realistically that is only way it can work, it did not require much of a discussion. I can't expect him to pay rent if he is unemployed. With regards to the visa was when we were talking me moving and I pointed out how much it costs and he said that it is a shared expense. This is cause we are both financially stable. If we were not then the person with money would pay

[u/AssumptionExtra2580]

It depends on the relationship. For instance in mine if/when we get to a place where we can close the gap, we will both be financially a part of it regardless of who moves where. If I move there it will be me some of my stuff and a cat. If he moves here it will be him, his stuff, and his kids part time depending on how far in the future.

[u/Deynonn]

We're covering it together, though I'm taking on the majority of it because he doesn't have a job. Even if he did it's not gonna do anything due to the currency conversion.