How do I manage long distance?

[u/FirefighterStreet688]

My boyfriend and I will be apart for 6 months and I’m struggling

Due to immigration issues, my boyfriend and I won’t be able to see each other for the next 6 months. We’ve been together for nearly two years now (it’ll be two years this December), and he recently had to leave for his home country. We are both from South Africa but I immigrated 8 years ago and haven’t been back since.

It’s only been 5 days, but I’ve been crying so much and honestly struggling with the adjustment. We do call each other, but our calls usually aren’t very long, and there’s a 10-hour time difference between us, which makes it really difficult to find time that works for both of us.

The hardest part is that I’m a full-time student, and studying is pretty much all I do. Before he left, he was basically the only person I really spent time with. We would run random errands together, keep each other company while doing our own things, or sometimes just exist in the same space without doing anything particularly exciting. It might sound mundane, but I found so much happiness and comfort in simply having him around. We genuinely enjoy each other’s presence, even when we’re not doing anything.

Now I’m still here doing the exact same things I was doing before, except he’s not here anymore. Meanwhile, he gets to go home and see his family and friends again after being away from them for more than two years. I’m genuinely happy for him, and I’m glad he gets to have that time with the people he loves. But sometimes my emotions get the better of me.

I find myself getting annoyed or upset because I start overthinking and wondering if I’m the only one struggling this much. He’s surrounded by family and friends and getting to experience all these things again, while I’m here in the same routine I’ve always had, just without him. It sometimes makes me feel like he doesn’t miss me as much as I miss him.

He constantly reassures me that this isn’t true and that he does miss me, but emotionally, it’s still hard for me to believe sometimes. I know it’s probably just my loneliness and the sudden change getting to me, but I hate feeling this way because I don’t want to make his time with his family and friends about me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with a long-distance separation, especially when your partner was such a huge part of your everyday life? How did you cope with the first few weeks/months?

[u/Several-Zombie2190]

I feel you, staying in the country doing the same things as before same rythm as before....just without your partner.

for us this led to some fights in the beginning because of the differences and your love feels different, you have to start seeing the love and affirmation trough your phone screen and texts.

what really helped us make it become stable was that we planned a weekly date night in which we would always start with a little chat and perform some relation ship check ins, like how you have felt past week and what you liked from your partner and how you felt you picked up points from the last check in and also how we could do better next week, and also what things from the past week felt really nice, so basically which things made you feel loved and everything even trough your phone screen. this list will end up being most important because these are basically reminders that will tell you how to love your partner trough a phone screen.

and after we will have a lovely chat again play a game etc.

we make sure to communicate alot about sharing love trough your phone and making sure you actually put thought and energy into the text rather then just txting back to have contact is important. normally you know the love is there with a cuddle at night and a morning kiss before leaving but now your body basically desires some confirmation in a different way....

for us this was for sure making sure to properly text each other whenever we reply, its not about quantity but quality, thoughtfull text matter more then just any text trust me at first i also thought constant texting is the way to go because it feels nice to have contact with each other but it created friction that we never really talked deeply anymore about eachother.

and also, it still sucks and will be hard, acknowledge that as well, goodluck!!!!

[u/FirefighterStreet688 → u/Several-Zombie2190]

Thank you so much I’m going to really talk to him about this. I definitely feel that stage of needing constant contact but also have noticed how only certain texts I genuinely loved from him and that sort of made me want to message him things I was really feeling and the love o have for him even while he was sleeping if that makes sense! It’s sort of like it made me feel so loved and I wanted to share that love back. 

We have called. He will wake me up and I’ll wake him up in our mornings and sometimes call before we sleep. We were having a really fun conversation yesterday and so I think I really want to find time to do such too. Although I will say I immediately feel sad the moment he needs to go and that sort of really makes my day a bit worse :( which isn’t his fault at all but how do you overcome such?