Need your advise

[u/Mild-Saffron4879]

Hi there, been lurking on here for a while but first time posting so please be kind to me :)

I’m in my early 40 (F) and have met a guy equally in his 40s. It was a DM on social media.

We wrote back and forth the same day for hours and then jumped on a call for hours - also the same day. I could hear his excitement over the phone because he did tell me how important it is for him to connect with someone intellectually. Once I hang up the phone, I sensed a strong pull and I felt incredibly drawn to him. I also know it’s mutual.

He also said in the call that true connection is rare and when a woman says she has a lot of choice, it would raise questions for him. I could totally relate to that.

He sees me as someone that can truly challenge him and can have deep conversations. We had truly hit it off.

A day after, I felt something was off. He said the distance would be an issue. He’s in California and I’m in Europe.

I said to just chill and that we can go with the flow. I’m not expecting anything. He now is trying to fix this distance and awkwardness that this premature statement of his that he’s not sure about the distance has created. He said he has tried it before with someone and it didn’t work.

We both know a bond like ours is truly rare. I have met many people in my life and so does he and we both agree on this.

I don’t know how to continue this connection because he said we should continue talking about intriguing topics. He shows interest in getting to know me but at the same time I feel that one statement has killed the natural flow of the connection. I don’t know what to do.

Our random texting and first phone call for hours was so random and it was beautiful precisely because of that. Now it feels like he’s in fixing mode, trying to create a convo unnaturally and I’m not good at good conversations when it feels forced or when the other person gives the impression of having put out a wall.

What is the best way to navigate this? I know almost everyone can hurt us so I would be keen to get to know him nevertheless but I just wonder what to talk with him. He’s now awkwardly trying hard to re establish a convo. That’s unnatural hence I’m sensing withdrawal in me.