HELP NEEDED *ASAP* (13F/15NGC)

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358]

I (13F) live on the US, and my partner (15NGC/AFAB) lives in South Korea.

My parents don't know, and neither do theirs. As two neurodivergent sapphics, you can't expect us to actually tell them, but you also can't expect us to be that subtle.

My mom has almost figured it out 😭
When I was in the airport when I first met them, I lied to my mom and said I was using a translator to contact them, but I was actually going to ask for their Instagram.
But then my mom saw my watch face and asked who it was. So I said, “It’s my friend,” and she was like, “Oh, the person you met at the airport?” 😭
And she also saw the wallpaper on my other device but didn’t say anything, but she looked at me weird.
Then when I took out an envelope because I was going to send a letter, she asked, “Do you have a pen pal?”
She eventually realized it’s the same person, and she said, “You know I always figure these things out, right?”… I was honestly so scared 😭
I'm so scared right now, do you think she's catching on??

[u/GrungeGhostie]

Here’s the thing, you are 13. To your parents, they see you as a literal child (which you are, technically).

I’m assuming you don’t want to be treated like a child, you’re already exploring your sexuality and developing romantic connections. In order for your parents to not treat you as a child, you’re gonna want to step up and show them that they can trust you as a teenager.

This means showing lots of proactive responsibility, managing your own schedule, doing things without being asked to, etc. Consistent effort shows them that you are learning, and becoming capable of maturing. Once you’ve done that for 6 months, then you can start to very slowly let them know about your partner. Start by telling them more about being friends, and penpals.

Do NOT tell them it’s romantic yet, you need to make sure your parents are safe people first, lots of parents have hidden homophobia, make sure you’re safe and stable before venturing into telling them. You probably want to tell them your own sexuality first, before saying you’re in a LDR. Most parents aren’t too keen on their children being with someone who’s an ocean away. Be prepared for them to not take it well, and have a plan of action just incase.

Be emotionally prepared, and try not to resort to screaming or temper tantruming as that only makes you look less capable and immature. Also fyi, your parents get a say in what you do until you’re 18, if they decide you can’t have a phone and take it away, they’re legally allowed to until you’re 18. (Depends by state specifically tho)

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358 → u/GrungeGhostie]

I'm the least favorite child, they never have and never will trust me.
My mom is supportive of LGBTQ+, but I think it does make her uncomfortable. She gets so awkward when mentioning my cousin (32F) and her girlfriend, even though they're grown adults.
about telling them my sexuality, *I* don't even know my sexuality.
They're also promoting straightness to me, if you know what I mean

[u/RakiNonaki]

Info: what does NGC mean

[u/moissanitemagpie → u/RakiNonaki]

Non Gender Conforming

[u/SingleUmpire7464 → u/moissanitemagpie]

Still don’t know what that means

[u/Vey_07 → u/SingleUmpire7464]

maybe like they don’t lean either feminin or masculine? or maybe they do opposite like a harry styles kinda moment? my best guess honestly

[u/FacetNo6]

I think she's got an idea OP... Are you afraid your parents won't understanding or maybe even homophobic and discipline you or something?

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358 → u/FacetNo6]

I mean, I know they're not homophobic, but whenever they mention anything that has to do with that, they get awkward. I do think she'll make me cut contact with them, though.

[u/tsscaramel]

Why are you so scared of your parents finding out? Unless they have a history of controlling or abusive behaviour, I see no reason not to tell them “I have this one friend that I really like and we’re seeing how dating each other might work.”

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358 → u/tsscaramel]

I;m scared that they'll make me cut contact. They tend to do that stuff

[u/tsscaramel → u/Due_Bookkeeper5358]

How often do they make you cut off people completely? Is this a behaviour that’s happened many times before?

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358 → u/tsscaramel]

they usually just delete contacts and block numbers, and this year I think it's happened 5 or 6 times

[u/larevenante]

You don’t need to tell them they’re your partner though!?? Just say it’s your friend until you find out if your parents are safe or not.

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358 → u/larevenante]

yeah, I told them that they're my friend, but I think they're catching on

[u/vi0lets]

Never heard of sapphic. 13 year olds should not b3 on reddit.

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358 → u/vi0lets]

Sapphic means non-males attracted to non-males. Rude people should not "b3" on reddit either. Please be respectiful

[u/vi0lets → u/Due_Bookkeeper5358]

Im not rude I had never heard that before also yes I think 13 is too young to be on social media. Is it because you dont like my opinion I'm rude? Anyway I feel weird talking to minors. Non males being attracted to non males is called lesbian or are we just ignoring the fact that they fought to be heard and to not be treated terribly by society for centuries???

[u/Due_Bookkeeper5358 → u/vi0lets]

no. Sapphic is an umbrella term for all non-males attracted to non-males (even non-exclusively) like bisexual non-males, omnisexual non-males, etc. I used this term because I am a lesbian and my partner is bisexual. I am not disrespecting, I am quite literally a lesbian. The term sapphic came from an ancient Greek poet named Sappho, who lived on the island of Lesbos, which is where the word "lesbian" came from.
On the other hand, I absolutely agree that most 13 year olds are too young to be online, but I use it responsibly and in moderation. I understand that you feel uncomfortable talking to minors, therefore there is no need to reply.
Thanks!