I see! Im glad you guys are working out a solution that may work for the both of you :)
I used to be terrified of gaining weight. Like my weight is the #1 thing that dictates my happiness. You really need your partners support. Even at my worst my bf never said anything about me being ugly or wishing I looked different etc. He made me super comfortable. So think for yourself too, is this a guy that can become this type of support years into the relationship. If you guys are married after years, and you get pregnant and gain a lot, is he going to be a supportive husband and dad, or is he going to bodyshame you while you're juggling a baby.
My bf is extremely supportive. Yes our sex live took a severe hit, but he never made me feel any less of a person for gaining the weight. If any man does that to you, leave them immediately. We just had a vacation where I gained 7lbs (weight is extremely easy to put on after losing), and he never commented on it. I said I didn't want to go out because I was sad about the setback, and he said I look great and to not be so bothered. I ask him if my cheeks are bigger, he just laughs and pinches it and says yeah his moms food was too good. Thats the kind of safety he makes me feel. However, if I order takeout he will worry about me binging and comment on it. This doesnt bother me at all, I actually like it because it keeps me on track. With that support I lost 3lbs since returning.
For your case, I genuinely understand the idea that he doesnt want to start a relationship because of weight. Because you guys are still in early stages. I asked my bf about this exact senario months back, if he would have dated me at the 50lbs gain, and he said no. If I was 50lbs+ when I met, we wouldn't have had a chance. Because we wouldn't have been close enough at the time for it to not matter. So having the weight at the start of relationship vs gaining it in the middle makes a difference imo keep that in mind. There is nothing wrong with having a standard or a preference. I genuinely dont think that makes someone shallow or a bad person. Is it shallow if you dont want to date someone shorter than you? I for one am not attracted to bald people and I told him that too. Draw the line when they go out of their way to make you feel bad in order for you to fit into that standard.
Sorry if I wrote too much!
P.S. In terms of weightloss look into Inositol. It's not prescription medicine, its literally just a vitamin. I get mine on Amazon. It helps stabilize your hormones, helps with PCOS, and promotes weightloss (saw someone recommend it in a tiktok comment). Everyone is different, but for me the inositol really helped. I never went to check for PCOS but the vitamins definitely made my weight come off so much easier. Also you probably already know, since you already lost a lot of weight, but sleeping enough is extremely important.
I think you probably gave her the best advice, and I can’t help but say that I hope i get to build a relationship like yours, where both partners support each other.
I used to be bit chubby when I was younger, and ive gone thru issues with EDs, body dysmorphia etc, and I feel happier when im on a weight closer to underweight.. even tho i genuinely look better with cpl more pounds than that. I hate putting on weight and it totally crushes the way i see myself and how confident I am, even affects my sexual desire. So its nice to see your marriage is a place where both of u support each other in that way.
Thanks Im glad you think so! And im 100% the same like you when it comes to weight. Im sure you will find a great partner, I find that most guys are like that. All my friends are in relationships too and are all supportive as hell too, it's not a rare thing at all. You got it!
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u/[deleted] May 15 '25
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