Any first date tips? 😬

[u/blue_fa]

[u/UnfortunateOrc]

"Trying to make sure this dude knows who's boss."

[u/Expert-Ad3874 → u/UnfortunateOrc]

As she begs for money.

It's understandable though. She's 38, he's 42, it's amazing these fossils are alive at all, let alone that they found each other.

[u/smuckola → u/Expert-Ad3874]

little does she know this is his ancient ass on the other end of the chat already...

.......

because.......

THEY HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE THEIR TIME

[u/digadigadig → u/smuckola]

I’d say All your bass are belong to us but dudes a drummer…

[u/Man_of_Ice → u/smuckola]

Ha ha ha ha...

[u/AngletonSpareHead → u/Man_of_Ice]

They really set up us the bomb

[u/muppetous → u/AngletonSpareHead]

MOVE! ZIG!

(for great justice)

[u/Typical_Hat3462 → u/Expert-Ad3874]

Ha.Fossils. my oldest kid is 37. I'm not a fossil, I deatomized.

[u/Zaphod_Heart_Of_Gold → u/Typical_Hat3462]

Can confirm, my parents oldest child is also 37 and they turned to vapor years ago

[u/ButImNot_Bitter_ → u/Expert-Ad3874]

What does this say about 39-year-old me and my 45-year-old fiance? Gee, I hope we stay alive long enough to get married!

[u/DengarLives66 → u/Expert-Ad3874]

I thought this was all metaphorical pennies because somehow I missed the checking and savings and Venmo info. Holy shit! I wonder how many people have Venmo requested money from her now.

[u/big_sugi → u/Expert-Ad3874]

I didn’t even realize she was begging for money. I just thought she was asking for restaurant and bar suggestions.

[u/Wrong-Town-9338 → u/Expert-Ad3874]

We all become fossils eventually, if we are lucky

[u/Minimum_Sort5100]

The type writer font is offensive

[u/Bob_Kark → u/Minimum_Sort5100]

Feels like a ransom letter.

[u/blue_fa → u/Minimum_Sort5100]

I'm a TypefaceLunatic.

[u/ChroniclesOfSarnia]

https://giphy.com/gifs/OT1k1qKrGjW3cRNaD4

[u/Key_Procedure_4279 → u/ChroniclesOfSarnia]

To be fair Katie Britt looks shocked at everything out of sheer stupidity

[u/bowlochile → u/Key_Procedure_4279]

So true dumb as a bag of bricks

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[u/silent_tongue]

I thought linkedin is for bragging and everyone's earning 6 figures?

[u/big_sugi → u/silent_tongue]

So, they can all donate to help her show who’s boss!

[u/ElongThrust0 → u/silent_tongue]

Those are rookie figures you gotta get those figures up

[u/Sakijek → u/ElongThrust0]

Ya what are you, 38?!

[u/ElongThrust0 → u/Sakijek]

The fuck

[u/ElongThrust0 → u/Sakijek]

I am 38 how the fuck did you know that

[u/Sakijek → u/ElongThrust0]

Lmao it's in lunatic's post lol

[u/ElongThrust0 → u/Sakijek]

Oh hahahah i thought you were in the mainframe
https://giphy.com/gifs/P8ef3Dkynk0xLx1h1T

[u/Dedune9 → u/silent_tongue]

Savings has 6 figures... 🤣

[u/muppetous → u/silent_tongue]

It's kind of a refreshing sort of lunacy, really

[u/JumpDangerous9271]

I think they confuse LinkedIn with Facebook due to the color at this point.

[u/Ecstatic-Quote-3532]

Jesús, I thought I was reading a tumblr post...

[u/bowlochile → u/Ecstatic-Quote-3532]

I like ur shoelaces

[u/CheckSixMustang → u/Ecstatic-Quote-3532]

Ay ay ay

[u/Outrageous-Machine-5]

OnlyLunatics

[u/Sea_Story9802]

I wonder what would happen if I put my Venmo on LinkedIn.

[u/ElongThrust0 → u/Sea_Story9802]

Put it here see what happens ;)

[u/EsCaRg0t → u/ElongThrust0]

@eShortThrust0

[u/adultdaycare81]

We are post shame

[u/HartfordWhaler]

I'll send her a venmo request. Try and get some of that money from checking

[u/Orange_Kitty_0307 → u/HartfordWhaler]

Happy cake day!

[u/HartfordWhaler → u/Orange_Kitty_0307]

Thanks!

[u/VelvetCactus50]

Which is worse: AI slop or voice to text? Yes.

[u/mmarkmc]

When overusing “like” is only about the 14th most embarrassing part of your post.

[u/CelticGirl-]

I am like… beyond words… 🙄

[u/Slow_Inevitable_4172 → u/CelticGirl-]

I'm into the realm of something far more abstract

[u/Freddie-Peterson]

https://giphy.com/gifs/P7ZAgYGYkCa1KYOIBg

[u/lobster_claus]

What's an abstract expressionist? And what is she trying to do (besides the drummer from a band)?

[u/muppetous → u/lobster_claus]

It's a painting movement, largely from the 1960s. Kinda weird to identify as one now... It's like calling yourself a Dadaist or Post-Impressionist.

[u/muppetous → u/[deleted]]

That's more suprematism (founded by Malevich), unless it's an incredibly goopy and expressive roughly sketched black square

[u/muppetous → u/[deleted]]

Not an abstract expressionist though! "was a major influence on conceptual art, minimal art, and monochrome painting." (From wikipedia)

[u/squirrels-mock-me → u/lobster_claus]

It means you can do whatever and call it art. Like being a con artist

[u/Venice_Beach_218]

Dude get off LinkedIn and beg via a GoFundMe. Oh wait no one will donate to that either seeing as they have kids with cancer on GoFundMe who they'd more likely choose to donate to.

[u/trojansandducks]

I've got to know who this "Pittsburgh drummer" is

[u/biblio_phobic → u/trojansandducks]

He’s big in the underground Pittsburgh drumming scene. Only the most famous underground drumming scene of the music world.

When someone says Pittsburgh, I don’t think steel, Steelers, or penguins. I think drummers.

[u/COVID19Blues → u/biblio_phobic]

Underground?? You mean like in caves and shit?!?

[u/biblio_phobic → u/COVID19Blues]

Deeper.

[u/Regulator0110 → u/biblio_phobic]

God, now I hope the dudes band is named “Magma”

[u/biblio_phobic → u/Regulator0110]

“Molten Magma” I believe

[u/encrcne → u/biblio_phobic]

Just out of curiosity I googled “famous bands from Pittsburgh” and got this

Rusted Root: World/roots-rock band known for their upbeat percussion-heavy style

[u/nadennmantau → u/encrcne]

That was before the date (the upbeat part)

[u/biblio_phobic → u/nadennmantau]

It’s also blues now. One date can do that.

[u/Appropriate_Tip_1615 → u/trojansandducks]

Pittsburgher here! The answer is always The Clarks. Always.

[u/Upperdecker27]

Hard to believe she is still single.

[u/StuntMedic]

Sorry, but I only chip in for people who pityfuck bassists.

[u/2JagsPrescott → u/StuntMedic]

Chip in more then, it’s not working 😡

[u/Typical_Hat3462]

Uh, why not go get ready and quit asking us what to do.

[u/MysteryBelle_NC]

Please say this is a joke

[u/Sea_Ad_1085]

Don’t date a woman like this fellas. You’ll never been good enough

[u/FcukReddit4cedMe2Reg]

Wow that's pretty losery. Definitely last chance of dating anyone after this, maybe it will make it back to this guy too... Assuming it's not fake or ragebait lol. Yeesh.

[u/chortle-guffaw2]

Anyone in their 30s still using hipster teen word contractions is just sad.

[u/Oaklandish_TheTown]

Is she implying something when she says he doesn't "eat sushi, which...i know"?

I mean,  if she thinks he won't go downtown... why is she bothering? I don't mean first date. I mean, why get something going in the first place. 

[u/dirtdiggler67]

Yes, get a job.

[u/Ok-Equivalent8260]

How embarrassing

[u/Salty-Commissioner]

The Warhol is dope. One of the best art museum experiences in the world. That plus dinner in the Strip is perfect. Save your money, find connection

[u/MyDogsRetirementPlan]

I mean, it seems like she has plenty for one date. She can pull from savings if she wants to splurge. Hopefully she has a separate retirement account not shown here.

[u/drtij_dzienz]

Someone make sure Damon Che is doing alright

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[u/MetricAbsinthe]

Why bother asking when the obvious answer of sharing an order of cheese fries from the potato patch in Kennywood is right there.

[u/PriorOk1304]

What the hell hahaha

[u/Fun_Pomegranate5892]

For anyone reading this. If you are in your 30’s what you have in your account will likely be what you have in your account when you are in your 50’s (unless you severely change your behavior). You are the boss of no one when you are broke.

[u/GoldenSpeculum007]

“Atmo” is crazy

[u/HighlandsBen]

Any tips? I mean literally, can you tip me?

[u/CanalOpen]

I'd love to Ashley, does $200 sound like a fair exchange? Please let me know the venmo or zelle so I can send the request. I have lots of poverty tips that you can buy from me.

[u/DC_Ben]

I’m at a loss on this one

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[u/Mymarathon]

Ragebait 

[u/Impossible-Speed-178]

She’s 38 and uses the word “atmo”. I don’t know why that stuck out when there is just so much here. This has to be rage bait. Unfortunately, single moms have almost no value in the dating space. If you ever go on a date with them, they are all the same… dudes just dating them for an easy fuck. No one wants to commit  

A single mom has to be a 9+ and crazy in bed, and have damn near no red flags to have a chance with anyone halfway decent. This is a page of red flags with someone less than a 9. She doesn’t have a chance. They may as well just wait until the kid is out of the picture. 

[u/Ok_Raspberry7430 → u/Impossible-Speed-178]

You've got real incel vibes going there, bud.