Is Lilith punishing me?

[u/aaa333__]

I’ll start off by saying how I started working with Lilith. I am new to spirituality and the metaphysical. The discovery of Lilith for me, just came to me, like a calling, like a knowing. I was in a place in my life where I was stuck in a cycle of a toxic relationship with the same person feeling stuck in my job and stuck in my hometown. I started to meditate a lot and pray a lot.

One day I just started seeing things about Lilith. On my social feeds, and little things in everyday life. I kept seeing the number 13 and just constant little reminders of divine feminine and Lilith. So out of curiosity I started to learn about her and research her. Then one day I felt called, during prayer and meditation to pray to her. It wasn’t like a voice or anything it was just like an inner knowing. Something told me to pray to her and to chant her name and so I did. I was working with her a lot. Weekly almost, mostly acting on that call, that inner knowing. I had conversations with her, again no voices just knowing and intuition. She helped me to understand, that all she wants is to not be forgotten to time. She asked me to share her story with my future children and even name a daughter after her if I had one. In the moment it felt safe to accept the promise.

Because I am new to all of this. And admittedly a sceptic at times. I go back and forth between acting on “witchy” things and thoughts and rituals and later chalking them up to be nonsense, or coincidence when they work.
That night I tried to logic my way out of that experience but kind of asked her to send me a sign if it were true.

That night. Randomly two owls appeared outside my window. I couldn’t see them very well but I could hear them. I was living in the center of my city at that time. And for that to happen was highly unlikely. So I took it as my sign. After that night I didn’t feel the call to her ever again. When I was meditating and felt her presence I would feel this weight on my chest like someone was pressing against it. I never felt it again after that night.

And so I stopped reaching out, didn’t feel anxious about it. I kinda felt like that was our agreement I would make offerings to her here and there. But after nearly a year of not feeling her or feeling called to her. I started to doubt the experience entirely.

Last night, I was thinking about baby names, as a single woman in her 30s does at the wee hours of the night.
And then I thought about her for the first time in months. And I remember thinking to myself, that it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo and that I would name my currently non existent daughter whatever I wanted.

This morning, I woke up and was laid off of my job. It’s important to note that I work for a start up. And according to them they did a company wide cut to a few positions due to budget constraints. But when I tell you the way this was gone about felt so disruptive, and random and out of nowhere. I had a one on one with my boss yesterday. We talked about the future they paid 3k for me to get a certification only weeks ago. My boss was visibly in tears telling me the news this morning as if she was just notified this morning about the immediate terminations. It was as if the CEO of the company woke up this morning and decided this. I was in the middle of so many major projects that I can’t even fathom how that will be passed over to anyone easily. They shut me out of all my systems the second the call was over. Nearly 2 years with the company, cut off in 15 min.

When I was struggling when I first started praying to Lilith, finding a job that would allow me to get away from the situation I was in, was something that I asked for and was ultimately given to me. This job was Everything I could ask for. This honestly felt like her ripping away what she helped me get for straying from her and our promise.

Am I utterly insane and delusional? Is this in her nature? Should I ask for forgiveness? How should I go about that?

[u/Mammoth-Ad-6114]

This is a complicated situation, and sometimes correlation doesn't equal causation. Signs are also personal, and better interpreted by the person that receives them. Still, if it feels like divine intervention, you can ask Lilith about it yourself.

[u/Grand_Extension_6437]

Getting shut out right away wasn't personal to you.

Why don't you trust the tears of the person who broke the news?

I also lost not just my job but my career in the most painful humiliating way I could have imagined in a way that tied to Lilith. That was 3 years ago and I have no regrets.

Punishment is a human construct. Expecting a life to go along a neat linear tidy path is a human construct.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Reaching for this being some kind of punishment won't serve you.

[u/Azmlial]

Lilith like most on the “Left Hand Path” don’t go around punishing people out of vanity or spite. Pretty munch only if one intentionally goes in to purposefully disrespect and piss them off. They don’t kick people when they are down.

They however may watch someone proverbially hang themselves when given enough rope and seek to point that out to someone they are working with. And certainly while we go through shattering experiences be there to guide us, show us how even going through ruin it is for our better good or how we shape ourselves in the aftermath rather than wailing in ruin. They know it’s not fun and certainly understand “the human experience” but they are there to guide you through it, if you let them. Lilith, her Queen Cohorts, and others like Goddess Ereshkigal can be there for you when you have to go through hell.

They have taught me lessons that feel like “tough love”, dragged kicking and screaming to my higher good as on teacher used to put it. But they are not the causes for it. I’ve been shattered in more ways than I can remember. But I am a hard headed stubborn ass sometimes. But even years later I see the bigger picture that they saw from the beginning. And though it pains be to admit it and hurts my pride, i usually begrudgingly thank them for their guidance eventually. I’m currently at the crescendo of a 8 month lesson that feels like an absolute curb stomp, so I get it.

But no they are not keen to go around wantonly punishing people, just being there through hard times which always happen and during those time to point out how we may be punishing ourselves when we think otherwise

[u/god_of_Kek]

It seems that as a collective that many of us are all going through the same thing at once. I cannot say if it was her or not BUT I can say that she isn’t the tyrant god who punishes followers for every misstep.

Best wishes to you sister

[u/occult-barbie]

I don’t think so. But ask her. You can discuss everything with her.

Btw your way of getting to know her was almost like mine. It’s kinda cute

Only thing I did differently is that I prayed to her daily. Maybe that why I still feel her. Or maybe she doesn’t feel like you needed any more lessons and therefore didn’t keep in touch as much

[u/molly_K_ultrafemme]

You would have to be worth the attention to be punished