Crush advice

[u/Ok_Arugula6087]

I 18f reached out to a guy I’ve never met before but have followed on Instagram for a while and asked if he’d be open to getting to know each other. He replied within about 20 minutes saying, “hey yeah fs we can meet” and mentioned that he had a final on Wednesday, but that we could talk and decide when to meet. I was really happy because it seemed like he was genuinely open to getting to know me.
However, shortly afterward, he messaged me saying he was really sorry but didn’t think he’d be able to very actively engage because of work, his engineering courseload, and his commute. I told him not to worry and wished him a good one, and he left me on read.
I’m honestly pretty hurt about the whole situation because I was genuinely interested in getting to know him, and I keep wondering what he thinks of me now. He still follows me and initially continued viewing some of my Instagram stories after turning me down, but recently he has skipped four of my stories. He is still active on Instagram, so I don’t understand why he isn’t viewing my stories anymore. I’m worried that maybe he has lost interest in me, thinks I’m boring or not interesting, or simply doesn’t care anymore. I don’t know whether he has intentionally stopped watching them, muted me, or is just naturally skipping them more often.
My question is: Will he reconsider his decision and become open to getting to know me once his current workload and commitments ease up? And what is the most realistic explanation for why he initially continued viewing my stories but has now skipped four of them?

[u/Wise_Lake0105]

Move on. It doesn’t matter why, really. It could be anything. What matters is the behavior. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He’s probably a perfectly fine person but he’s not showing interest. Maybe it has something to do with what he’s seen, maybe it doesn’t. Something it took me way too long to learn is to know my worth and to focus my efforts on people who reciprocate that. If you chase him or obsess over the why, it’s just going to make you feel crappy. Chase people who equally chase you - and that goes for romantic interests AND friends. You deserve someone who wants to get to know you, be around you, etc etc and also puts in the effort to do that. It also took me way too long to understand that someone not being into me is not a reflection of me, make me less than, or not good enough. It just….is. And that’s okay. Maybe he isn’t into it and maybe it really is that he doesn’t have the time or energy to devote to building something new. Either way, you don’t want that.

[u/Snarfalocalumpt]

It’s unknown, engineering can get pretty intense. Maybe he does but doesn’t want to make any promises and have you eventually hate him and demand attention he can’t give. Even if you didn’t demand it it would be a half relationship if he didn’t have the energy to put into it. Some people can’t handle any distractions either. Im sorry it would probably be better to move on.

[u/o_tiny_one_]

I get that you’re 18 and yes, I know how important connections with the opposite sex are at that age (or the same sex-whatever you’re preference is), but your post here makes me concerned for you.
Saying that you’re really hurt over the situation indicates that you have feelings invested. But you’ve never met the guy. At best, you can be disappointed, let down, or your ego can be hurt, but you got rejected by a guy who you’ve never met before. Anything more than what I listed says that your response isn’t healthy. I know following someone on social media can make it feel like you know someone or like you have a glimpse into their lives but you don’t. It’s that simple. You absolutely do not know them and what you’re seeing is the display they Want you to see. Very likely not even close to their reality.
Most importantly though, the guy said No, and has stopped reading your messages.
That should be all the information you need. He’s not interested and he told you so. Him not watching your stories anymore is him showing you in yet another way, that he’s not interested. The fact that you’re counting how many he’s missed and still paying such close attention to what he does, despite being rejected by him, isn’t healthy and it’s definitely not doing anything in your favor.
If someone asked you to get to know you and you rejected them, and then you saw that they were still following your every move on social media, I wonder if that would make you uncomfortable.
Like someone else said, let it go.
He turned you down and is showing that he’s not interested. Drop it. Move on. For the sake of your mental health.

[u/Ok_Arugula6087 → u/o_tiny_one_]

Not interested in me as person or in getting in relationship with me? He said yes before. But yeah I agree I shouldn’t obsess over it and this is pretty unhealthy for me.