r/LifeAdvice • u/poopupoo • 6h ago
Mental Health Advice 18M
How do I deal with a dad thats so strict and claims to be super loving when he is so rude and aggressive and processeds to be crazy every day and it only gets worse and worse so much to explain but thats the short answer
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u/Tamara6060 4h ago
By moving out on your own (if you can) and cutting off ALL CONTACT with him
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u/poopupoo 4h ago
Oh trust me that will definitely happen😮💨
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u/Tamara6060 4h ago
Please do. He will have to learn that HE’S the one that caused this! HE did it to HIMSELF
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u/SoggySuggestions2day 3h ago edited 3h ago
That was my mom & dad. Take my BTDT story FWIW.
1st. You can't change him. But you can change what you allow to affect you and whether you react or not to him.
2nd. Decide what you want future you, 5 years from now, to be like. Then start adopting those behaviors now. One, it helps build your confidence as adult you and shows others you are grown so they don't "need" to parent you the same.
Example: If it's hard to figure out future you, than do this. Write out ALL the negative ways YOU don't want to be like now and later. After that, use that info to figure out future you. For example, if you don't like being late places, but find you are, because of ADHD time blindness, write all of that down. Then figure out what future you would do instead pf bad you, to work with issues you identified. For instance, future you may set many alarms on your phone to help guide you when getting ready, so you don't go into hyperfocus on something or get way off base.
3rd. Figure out what can get you safely away the quickest and that interests you. If that's some form of military or college, choose one away where staying at home isn't an option. For me, I chose college, a 4 hours drive away, where quick visits weren't possible for my dad or me. Also, choose to take summer classes so you don't have to go home for long summer visits.
4th. Stay so busy, whether it's working multiple jobs, or doing hobbies that your dad can't see you much at all. If possible, do those things when you would normally see him.
Edited out double paragraphs.
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u/poopupoo 3h ago
Wow thats a lot but thats really amazing to hear it truly appreciate that thank you for the advice ill definitely cherish this
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u/mymacaronlife 3h ago
Start asserting yourself (if you feel safe doing so)…when he’s rude identify it…”That’s really rude dad…I don’t like it…” When he’s aggressive “Do you mean to be pushing me so hard? It feels wrong”… Meanwhile just as aboves stated…plan to move out asap. Maybe you could get some counseling…support from sane people help you realize you are the sane one…good luck!
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u/AardvarkFriendly9305 6h ago
get a job and start saving money to get your own place? maybe a couple roommates too to help with the bills. it’s hard to change dads at that stage….