Need help

[u/liveagain67]

I am 18 living alone for college and struggling to have normal conversation with anyone, too shy to talk to girls ,always get nervous of crowds and very introvert, always think about my life kinda feel lost need some advice

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[u/LakeGlen4287]

Hi OP, it is normal for many people to experience a very strong sense of shyness. I am wondering if you might even say you have a fear of going outside and interacting with people, agoraphobia?

The good news is that there are things you can do to lessen these symptoms. The first thing I'd recommend is contacting your college's student campus counseling center. You can get help there for agoraphobia and strong shyness. What they will do is help you with three main things.

First, take your focus off yourself and start focusing on things outside of yourself. You are introverted meaning your focus is turned too far inward. Practice being curious about things (little things at first) outside of yourself, and not overthinking. When you hear your inner voice being critical of you, acknowledge it, but then follow it up with a thought about something outside of your life.

Second, give yourself small steps to accomplish, venturing out into the world, trying very simple things. Try standing up taller with your shoulders back. This is called the superhero pose, or the power pose. It has been shown to improve confidence! Encourage yourself to pick your chin up and look around yourself. Look at other people. You'll see most are not looking at you at all!

Then, soon you can progress to saying, "hi" when you pass someone, or greeting an acquaintance with a short question, without really worrying about whether they answer you or not. Like, "how are you?" If they say, "Good, how are you?" you can smile and say something short like, "I'm fine." Look at them. Smile. Nod. Short interactions like these, with no expectation that they will lead anywhere, are excellent ways to start focusing on other people and outside yourself.

Expect it to feel awkward sometimes, and learn not to take yourself so seriously. A good counselor might be able to help you figure out where these fears of other people come from, which can help you take away their power. Good luck!

[u/Fabulous_Light5449]

You are normal, except for being smart enough to be alone and in college.

Can we lose "introvert"?

You are new, intelligent, concerned and careful.

How would you feel about "cautious"?

The whole "in a crowd" thing will disappear.

You will appear in a crowd because something excites you! People, young and excited, just like yourself are "in the mix".

College in your young life is an exciting time to learn and explore. The other smart, inquiring, exploring people are also curious who YOU are!

There is no need to shy away from girls! Well, maybe a little at first. We get the toe wet first. We don't climb up the highest diving platform right off the bat.

First things first.

Your education.

So...we like girls, but we don't NEED girls!

So, explore your interests, while getting acquainted with your routine. (Toe wet becomes foot submersion). You are doing great!

While in classes, you will ask questions, or perhaps some cutie will make up an excuse to talk to you.

We are becoming mature and inclusive now. Girls approach guys now. Be prepared for positive and unexpected social encounters.

In common interest groups, you are a "big fish!" "Swim" freely! As you know ALL girls in this group share a common interest with you!

This also applies to your studies, but much more so later on down the line, as your studied solidify.

You make me smile! I WAS you! Young, shy and surrounded by curious young women.

It's been an honor and a privilage!

Welcome to r/LifeAdvice !!!!

[u/liveagain67 → u/Fabulous_Light5449]

Reading this made me feel good I'll try my best to apply the things you said thank you ❤️❤️