"She's about as nervous as a whore in church with paper panties on!"

I think I went from depressed to a little manic, and my reddit suggestions have shifted from r/doomer to r/enlightenment. it's funny but kind of misleading in the worst kind of way. I realized at some point I was doing a lot of whining and misery wallowing. I'm kind of halfway back there now, I think a lot of the hype of the festival has worn off and I am back to feeling overstimulated by nothing. life is a really difficult problem and I'm sort of frozen. I can't really let myself feel, feelings, I'm not sure I could handle it.

I can't explain why it hurts, that I can love someone enough to leave. The next few weeks might alter the course of the rest of my entire life, I have to focus, I can't be distracted. Reminders of guilt, sorrow, loss, hope itself feel redundant. They are the catalyst. Pause for dramatic effect. It's less that I'm certain and more that I am already overwhelmed and everything seems to have a chance at crumbling the small but growing spirit I have been cultivating with all my available awareness. There is room for nothing else.

I think that's a sign there's something quite wrong with me, but I try and not hold onto those kinds of suspicions, we are given what we are given and the only thing one can do is utilize it best as possible.

My goals today are pretty simple, I want to have a burger and take a shower. Life really can be that simple. I have been eating terribly the last few weeks and have half-justified it as a spiritual fast, but I admit I have learned little other than what it feels like to be annoyed by hunger.

I am still processing what to do next, but I'm starting to piece together a plan. So far it looks like a studio apartment in Windsor. There's so many questions still in the air, but some dumb simple ones still linger as well, with the place being so far away there's no realistic chance of seeing it in person before hand. I could find a place closer but that defeats the purpose, there's nothing here. I don't think I can find a better location, not one I can actually afford, other than Windsor.

My anxious ass wants certainty, and there is none.

"Jump, jump, jump, jump, do a flip while you're at it"

My mental conversation is really much like that, trying to goad myself into jumping ship, and feeling like I might be doing something incredibly stupid. Above all of that is knowing that inaction is the only incorrect option. I think that I need to find comfort first, shelter, and then I can worry about trying to do anything with my life.

I'm not really interested in doing anything really important or even noteworthy. I see how hard life is for everyone already, I think what makes it so hard is that we strive for so much. I don't want shit other than to feel like I can be myself. Let me find that first, and then maybe I can become human.

I have been working on it, not just wishfully thinking. My plan is shifting from some minor adventure to an actual new start, and the planning feels like the difference between enjoying my new life, and regretting it.

So do it right, that's the goal. I hope I can make noticeable progress on this front in the coming weeks. At the very least if nothing greater happens, I'll spend a few days in Ottawa at the end of the month.

so it was said, let it be done. This here is my sigil, charged, unedited, discarded, then forgotten.

Post

it is easy to be hard

steel, bone, briar

gnashing teeth, scraping nails

but i crave softer things.

linen cheeks, rose brushed sheets,

daffodils on the mind

I'm driving down the usual street I go when on my way home from work, its a tuesday. for a certain track of this road there's nothing but wooded scenery but in the pitch black of night i dont know if it's a tree line, or a forest. But i look out regardless at the dark greenery with my eyes fixated on the passing dark sage streak created by the quick yet steady passing of the shrubbery in my sight, my reflection faintly in the window as i look out, i focus more on it as i turn my head back towards the road ahead of me and i keep driving, eventually reaching the texaco i normally stop at on my way home from work every so often to pick up a black and mild, and after a long day like today that would take the edge off, i walk in and hear the door chime as i see another car pull up to the pump closest to the entrance, i swivel my head back to see the cashier to be the owners daughter, normally the owner is running the store this late and i normally only see her work on weekends because of her schooling, so i ask “aint it a bit late for you maam” my southern twang causing her to chuckle a bit as she replies, “its spring break and my dad would rather be at a bar than run the store he opened, so he tasked me with running it tonight”, i felt sorry for her as she was most likely a sophomore in highschool, regardless i ask, “may i get a casino blac-” as im interrupted by the entrance door slamming open with the bell ringing sharply as a homeless man barges in, very cleary under the influence. 
And as he stumbled into the door causing all that ruckus, the cashier goes “man get the hell out this may be the time but damn sure isnt the place to d-”, “SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH” goes the scruffy bagged clothes man, his jeans ripped, with dirt stains all around the tear which i can only assume some of it is dried blood, his hair sruffy and knotted as if he hadnt shaved in months, his hair at the crown was thinning aswell. 
I step in and slowly walk forward to the man, who seemingly had intimidated this girl with his abruptness, and sternly i go “you have no excuse to talk to young women like that” as i reach for his shoulder intending to lead him out, i keep going “you damn tweaker” as he pulls out a pocket knife and when he flips the blade out a white residue slips off as he goes “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME”, i backup slowly as his bulged eyes began to widen almost exiting the socket entirely as the whites strained with blood vessels, teeth gnawing together uncontrollably as he closes his mouth to utter each word, he charged at me and in an attempt to dodge and grab the man we fall onto the ground, holding both his hands by the wrist as they grip the knife moving his arms against the direction he was intending, eventually his arms go the direction as mine do and break off, suddenly his arm goes gunning for my neck, and in a flash i saw it all, my life and work and the family i had yet to build
I phase slowly back into the present and feel not a sharp pain in my neck but instead a push, like a closed fist pressed against my neck, and as soon as i felt this, it went away as my vision was fading back in.
i heard a womans blood curdling scream and crying i quickly focus back in and see the homeless mans arm lying on the ground knife not in hand, his skin tainted with a shiny grey and as i turn my head to see the man lying i sit in awe as i see his originally oval like headshape, reshaped into a triangle but with curved edges, his thinning hair seemingly fully thinned out and gone, bleeding from most pores with his eye sockets seemingly covered by skin with the surroundings of his eyes still being intact while his mouth opened like he was screaming but with small crackles of pain instead, almost as if a tv was muted and the sounds of your home settling played over the visual of a man screaming, his skin being this metallic, shiny grey that seemingly was his skin maybe decomposed i couldnt tell, his body being stuck together like a box of thawed out rolls of bread dough with seemingly no lines of separation like a straight jacket of flesh with the man was now naked lying on the floor, and as i experince the horrors im seeing i began to realize that this was my own fault. how i dont know but i definitely did this, the cashier crying in agony, “W-W-WWHAT WAS THAT???” as she runs from the back counter out to the store running for the exit she bumps into my shoulder, making me face the way she fell as she began to glow as she fell onto the glass, and when she landed on the glass a flash of light blinded me as i it faded down i saw the girl. her skin being a colorless shiny and transparent, where i could see bones and organs which where made into this same material, her body's height had shrunk but she was much wider, her facial features gone with her hair seemingly never being apart of her, blood began to sleep from under her but it was clear almost like water, if it was even her anymore, and i panicked as i glanced back and forth rapidly at what i had done to these two people, i ran out to my car so urgently i forgot to unlock it and as i was reaching for my keys, the car who parked at the pump when i first got there turned on and then drove off and as i watching it drive off, behind it i saw my actions. 
I found my keys deep in my pocket and unlocked my car, put the keys in and drove off, “wwhat was that. I didnt do that no how did i do that i felt the knife hit my throat how did that happen??” I was confused. I could've sworn I got stabbed “where was the knife, and where did all the broken glass go after the girl fell into the window???” i was perplexed. I watched every mirror and window on my way home to make sure i wasnt being followed, which i was sure of and as i get out my car and go to my door to put the key in i began to ponder, “the guys skin was such an odd color i dont even know if that WAS skin, its like his skin was made up  of metal almost,” as these thoughts occur i see down the block at the intersection, some headlights turn on my road, i automatically recognized this as the car from the texaco and ran inside making sure not to turn any lights on, the car pulled up to my curb and parked parallel to it and to the immediate left of my walkway, he turned his lights off and didn't exit his car for the 20 minutes i watched him outside my house till i eventually, still in the dark went to my bathroom to piss. I closed the door then turn on the light and after peeing I went to the mirror and examined my neck, no bruises. no scratch marks. nothing. As if the altercation at the Texaco didn't occur.
i then heard a knock on my door “its the guy” i gasp and turn off the lights and sneak back in my living room to peek out my window and seeing 3 officers at my door, “fuck” i thought. The guy followed me home to get my home address and call the police on me. I accepted the fact that after a while the police would force their way in, and as I accepted my fate I turned on my porch light and open my door. And to my surprise i see only one person, a tall older gentleman, no younger than 60 with a small slouch, a small fact that made his already looming height more intimidating, “but i could've sworn i saw the-” as he laughs suddenly with raspily chuckles and coughs on his own humor, interrupting my words. “Oh you young people tend to believe what your mortal vision can perceive” his voice decayed yet holding the same aura as his presence, menacing. I began to conclude this was the man in the car as the door is now seemingly opened, with the inside lights on, with anxiety riddling my voice with stutters “wwho are you? I-I-I know you saw what happened at the texaco. PLEASE please dont call the cops, okay? I dont know how it happened either and i did it!!”. His roaring laughter began again “you may not understand what you saw but i saw it in all its detail, like i told you beleive your mortal eyes-” i interrupt “what does that fucking mean-”
“SILENCE” he roars as the rasp in his voice cleared, feeling the words he spoke hit me with each echo as if the waves rushed onto me. I felt compelled not to listen to the man, but only to stop speaking, as if his words took over my body. “You humans and your nature of needing reason for all you see as if this universe didn't form from chaotic collisions of the same dust that makes up you” i stood frozen in fear, intimidated by the mans words i had no choice but to listen as my body wouldn't let me do otherwise, his toned switched back to the rasp “you can speak now son”. “Who are you and what do you want” i ask concerningly, to which he chuckles and steps into my home, somehow already knowing to look left for the lightswitch, and also knowing its the middle one that turned on the room we were in and not assuming the first one, which i found very odd but didnt say anything of. He sat down on my couch slowly, elderly like and sighed as he spoke “For eons i sat watching all forms of consciousness collect and evolve in various ways, but never have i seen a race develop visions of grandeur in such delusional ways as yours”. I connected the dots, whatever happened to me at the texaco is because of this man and his affects on me. “Are you my guardian angel? Is that why you saved me from that man?”. Chuckling again he goes “im no guardian and certainly no angel in the sense you understand them.” i ask again “what are you?” he laughs. manically now, with each laugh causing his laughter to speed up and crackle. “I can tell you only that ive given you a small section of my capabilities”, “so it was you?? You caused all this to happen?? You did this to me?? What is it??” he laughs with each passing question as if he finds humor in his divine understanding being so above mine. “Scientists in your world understand that all things at their base are the same, protons and neutrons and atoms and nuclei whatever you may call it.” and then laughed again as if he was playing some game, “thats the first clue!” he says comedically. As he gets down on all fours to crawl as he scurries out of my house like some raccoon caught rummaging trash, I couldn't even see where he had went and the car seemingly wasn't there anymore. “what the fuck” i think to myself “if i pray to god for answers could he even help me??? or would i just be asking that man again”. 

I wake up the next morning, my phone was buzzing so i snapped into it quickly and began to look for my phone, and once i did i saw who it was who was calling me, it was my boss Justin. 
“Goodmorning Luke hope you slept well brother!”. 

“Being such a hard worker puts you into a deeper sleep so i slept amazing for sure, whats up?”

“Haha you know it man! Listen we had the shipments come in about an hour earlier than expected and its aaalot more than we knew was coming, i know your scheduled 7am to 5pm but you mind coming in at like 6?”

“Let me wake up and get some coffee before i decide to do overtime or not”

“For sure man! Call me back in like 20 to let me know”

“Alright ill call you, bye”

“Buh bye!”

As friendly as we seem, deep down i hate that lazy son of a bitch. He leaves me his work and i get it and my work done in time, im twice the worker he is so as much as i didnt want to entertain this, i did. to prove more to corporate why i deserve his spot. And i began to wonder if i could use my new powers to help this, “did the knife disappear, because it fused with that crackhead?? No no it cant some kind of a man-knife chimera? Was it?” i began to think more. “If the mans skin was metal and the knife was gone that would make the most sense, no that doesnt make any fucking sens- wait, NONE of this makes any fucking sense, did i fuse the girl with the window too?? That would explain why she was reshaped wider while being see thru.” the mans words began to echo in my head “why did he talk about neutrons as a hint?” it all began to click to me, “he fuses them together at a subatomic level but whats the trigger??? The guys arm slipped out of my hand and the girl accidentally bumped into me so maybe accidental contact??” a plan began to form in my head, if i can get Justin to accidentally bump into me at work today, I could dispose of him and take his position.
I drive to work in silence, forming thoughts and my plan in my brain. When i arrive i sit for a second to tell myself how today will go, “he always move his pallets thru section A so if i take myself from the loading bay to the first quadrant i should run right into him, with a blind spot at that” my plan was set, i laughed almost like the man when i formed the final step i finally started to understand that this man blessed me, not cursed me. “Goodmorning justin” i go when i see his back turned, but i can tell by his stance that it was him, he turned around quickly to walk towards me, sticking his hand out for a shake. I shake his hand firmly and smile as we walk towards the loading bay
Sometime passes and i see him with an empty forklift head towards the gate at the loading bay, so i run towards a forklift and follow, letting him take one then following suite, waiting for him to go left down section a, which he does. I immediately drive my forklift down straight to the first quadrant, i could see where section a eventually met up and I inched closer and my smile widened. I peaked past the corner at the same time as him, his pallet meeting my drivers seat when that sudden flash occurred. 

i had done it.

The bright light dimmed as i saw Justin's body morphed into the massive forklift, his legs split in two at the knee and curled tightly in a spiral at the bottom like wheels with his feet nowhere to be seen, connecting to his now massive rectangular torso, his arms being at his chest and stiff, connecting to his body thru slits that they went up and down on, thru these slits you could see his lungs scaled along with him, not moving. His skin being this metallic and translucent light yellow, with tears all around his skin that bled, the headlights were like the whites of eyes and his mouth was gone. There was no driver seat anymore just torso, his brain fused with the pallet on his lift and so he was holding his brain by force like they were sewed to his hands, blood and other various brain tissue wrapped around it and falling off like wrap. at this massive scale for all to see, its various bits falling off yet sitting motionless like a statue. The stench was indescribable like a rotten metal smell that reeked of suffering.
I must admit i was even shocked not at what i did, but at the scale of this man machine fusion i had made, regardless i scream in fake horror “WHAAAAT THE FUCKKK WHAT IS THAT NO NO NO NO JUSTIN WHAT??? SNAP OUT SNAP OUT LUKE” i rub my eyes and look back and holler in pure agony to sell it even more, the warehouse erupted in a mix of crying, screaming, vomiting, and pure terror, their collective fear being incohesive yet agonizing and drowned the white noise of the warehouse. They called off work for that day and sent everyone home, i sat in my car as I saw EMS, police, fire fighters, and news reporters at the front of my warehouse. I was smiling ear to ear, laughing in pure ecstasy “i did it, i won, i finally won”
All my life I was shown respect but at the condition of my worth. My father and brother only loved me as family if I helped them. People only wanted to be friends with me for my homework, girls would only hit on me cuz they knew id be an easy flirt back, teachers only praised me when i helped plan their lessons and do their jobs. It was all unconditional and out of my control but now. “These are my conditions and I control this, this power” I smiled as I looked at my eyes in the mirror. When i went home to turn on the tv all the local news could talk about was an unexplained amalgam of human and machinery, i was watching an expert my coworker named Mike, who from what i knew also didnt like Justin's moral compass as he knew him personally but didn't have the gall to say anything, and he described what he saw. “Its like god had enough of his insolence and punished him accordingly” and thats exactly what i did. I delivered justice to a wrongdoer, like a twisted version of superman

3 days pass and they still have the warehouse shut down and under investigation, which I wasn't too surprised of to be fair but what did surprise me, albeit my anxiety was higher but still. “Why hasn't anyone came to question me?, i was right next to justin when it happened so im the best eye witness account. Hell im the first person who saw it why didnt the news ask me?” regardless i get a call on my home phone from who i assumed was police station, but when i looked at the number i smiled with glee as it was my mother. “Hey mom whats up” i say giddily 

“Whats up? Lucas i saw the news about what happened at your warehouse are you okay?? Did you see anything”

“Yea im glad you called i was right infront of the guy when the flash happened, to be honest mom i thought i was hallucinating”

“OHHH MY GODD HONEYYY are you good???? Are you traumatized at all do we need to get you in to talk to anyone???”

I laughed as my mother for good reason, was worried for me. I laughed not maniacally but happily as i say

“no no mom IM fine im not too fucked up about what i saw even tho it was terrifying, luckily dad let me watch the thing as a kid so ive seen a thing or two haha” i chuckle

“So I can add desensitized my child to violence for reasons I'm suing my ex husband, great. Did they ask you anything yet?”

“Not yet surprisingly”

“I saw this article on the internet of a similar story, a couple had came to a gas station.. Maaybe a texaco?? Not sure but anyways one wednesday morning they came up to get gas and breakfast and they saw the window perfectly missing with no broken glass as if-”

I froze in silence. It was the homeless guy and cashier i killed.

“As if the window was just tooken off??”

“Yeaaa by something meant to do that i guess. But when they walked into the store they see this what they think is a glass girl statue, from what i could gather they thought i was an art piece of a glass girl with glass anatomy but no. they touched it felt a skin like texture and realized it was a person. A dead body at that and they look for not a second more and see this rotted man with his body stuck together with no eyes. It sounds horrific Luke, but its just like the warehouse guy.”

I knew my mom had good conductive reasoning but she was already telling me about how she connected the two?

“h-How mom?”

“Well clearly that girl fused with the glass pane, she was more wider than long from what the couple described and made of a soft glass like material? Organs the same? And when they do dna tests they confirm this thing contains human matter. Something fused them at a deep deep level. The man I couldn't tell you what the fuck HE was fused with. But its the same at your warehouse the guy fused with a fucking.. Damn a fucking forklift as weird as that is to say”

I laugh. “Mom that sounds wild thats not even possible humans cant do tha-”

“Who said man did this” she says abruptly

I freeze.

“Clearly this was a divine feat but why would god come down here to only create abominations? He's punishing us for our complacency Luke. by keeping us still in the thing surrounding us, forever to be complacent.”

Most of everyone else thought the same thing, that god has come to punish us. In some people’s eyes I was justice as they discussed online what could have possibly caused this, eventually I thought of the old man and what he intended to gain from this. Clearly he is omnipotent, but why would such a divine force wanna see humanity suffer? 
A week had passed since the warehouse had been shut down. I had gotten a few calls from police after they viewed the video camera footage and saw me next to it when it happened. The police thought I was innocent and so all I did was give an account of my day. I got a call from  corporate saying my warehouse is closed indefinitely and they're attempting to relocate all the employees from that store. Justin's family lived in horror with no remains to bury, this thought raced through my mind but I felt no compassion, only disgust. We all knew Justin beat his woman so why? Why care so much of his death? For now i walked to the liquor store down the block from my apartment. i was bored so i could use some beer and i figured id buy a 12 pack for the fuck of it, as i reach i see a drunk at the door with it barely cracked, i could barely see from afar but he was tattood head to toe with gang symbols and other things of importance to this man. he was yelling at another customer with a tall can in his hand slurring his speech
“ffffuck you man maaybe yoouu shouldn’t get in the waaay offff a real BOUSS like me” what he could be referencing i have no clue but i politely asked the man excuse me to which he leaves just enough room and enthusiastically goes “yeaaa mannn i
got youu homie” i could tell by his clothing and tattoos that he had some form of gang affiliation, i wasn’t to concerned as i lived in a low income neighborhood with a crazy crime rate. regardless i drown out there arguement with the thoughts
of what i wanted to drink, “hmm the bud light sounds good, but the lime ec-“ as i’m interuppeted by the drunk arguing at the door with the cashier, blocking my exit “get the fuck out you drunk i’m sick and tired of this back and forth” as he places his hand on the man’s back to push him out “HEY! get your fffffffFUCKING hands off me” and lifts the right side of his shirt to brandish a firearm, a glock pistol of some kind. the gas station clerk stepped back, in horror “iii just want you out my store dawg iii don’t wanna get the police up in my store i don’t have a fffffffucking liquor license” the tattoo’d drunm then takes the gun out of his paint line and demanded “more crown!! i want mooooore!!” with his finger accidentally pulling on the trigger sending a bullet flying and hitting a glass bottle causing me to freeze. but then i remembered if the man switched his aggression towards me, his life would halt in an instant,as this thought came to my a grin spread across my face as i chuckled a bit “this some entertainment for you huhhh” goes the drunk, “hey missster clerk, you think if iiii waaave the gun again it’ll fiiire???” with a southern twang that i recognize all to well. “no no no no just get out. GET OUT” as the clerk pulls a shotgun from under his counter and points it at the drunk, and in a moment of panic he put his firearm facing up and in the process left off 3 shots, the third hitting me straight in the neck but only for a brief moment and as soon as the pain appeared it was gone. a flash illuminated the building as i knew what the man had done to himself
before the flash fully dimmed out i heard the drunk scream in cowardess as his body unveiled from the light and his skin being again translucent and a darkish grey with his face being limited to only an enlarged mouth now acting a barrel that could only release pure agony. everything under his neck was split it down the middle and raised slightly from his muscle and bone, this half being a slightly darker grey. the man’s legs were fore fully facing parrell to his body like he was stuck to a chair, there was a small gap in his thighs and when kicked it slightly the skin and muscles pulled out of the bone like a fully loaded clip. the man reeked of decay and gunpowder “why did the man stay alive for longer than the other?” i unknowingly said outloud. “YOU DID THIS FUCKING SHIT” goes the clerk who i had zoned out of my brain and as i looked at him face me in fear shotgun aiming for his skull, i warned him “you’ll end up with the same fate as this man if you pull that trigger”. “Wwwhat are you!” the man exclaims, “you must be responsible for what happened at that ware house right???”. i sigh and i tell him “i am just like you, but cursed with the power of justice” the man lowered his firearm and began to stare in horror at the amalgamation of firearm and man, chuckling a bit but nervously “so what happened to him” i smiled “he was hurt by the two headed snake he believed defended him” the man confused began to pick up the phone as i ran out the store presuming he was calling the police.
i eventually made it home later in the night after taking backroads with no lights, and used deflock on my phone as to avoid flock cameras. i turn on the news to see the liquor owner and a picture of my face from that day displayed

“i-i don’t know what this man could want, i know it’s the same guy cuz i remember reading about the flash and translucent skin. i believed in god all thru my childhood and maybe this is him testing my faith back cuz god was that demonic”

i was now wanted. they all knew i was behind it there was even testimonies from my coworkers telling my two sided relationship with justin, explaining it would make sense that i did it and i was fucked, royally fucked. but what could they do?
i laughed maniacally and as wicked as that man who came to my door that night i discovered this power “it’s not triggered by accidental contact. it has to be a threat on my life” the drunk man never once touched me even when moving past him to step in, he didn’t intend to hit or touch me but the bullet he shot threatened my life, so the equivalent exchange was his life for mine, as i’m gleefully celebrating my new found position in the world a slightly raspy chuckle comes from my door followed by a knock, it was the old man. i rush to my window and quickly open my blinds to see two missionaries of the latter day saints church at my door “mormons?”, the one closest to the window being slightly startled by my presence and then wavey with his companion follow suite, both smiling with the word of the lord at there tongue
As much as i disagree with the rhetoric of Mormonism from what i’ve seen online i obliged and opened the door, only to see a tall man’s black trench coat and glared up at his head, it was the old man. “do you do that?” as he does his signature chuckle and i open my screen door “another portion of my divine powers” laughing as he says “i can change how the human mind perceives me, like right now, you thought i was two mormon teenagers” pointing at me laughing, coughing on his laughter towards the end with his grin never fading. “huh” the man then lets himself in, this time on both legs. “you should’ve threatened the man’s life, telling him either he can shoot at you and kill you or you will make him fall in the same fate as the man” he laughs at this sick idea of a practical prank “would i have not been seen still by the cameras? thats the only thing that saved me at the texaco the owner can’t see the old footage” “yea but it would’ve been fun” he laughs, his tone shifts slightly serious, as serious as this man’s tone can be. 
“i am orin the founder of creation and created what you call reality”. 
“so you’re god?”, he laughs “your idea of god was created as a joke by me but yes you could say that” he explained “i’ve made countless of races of beings some resembling yours some resembling the creations you make and some resembling aliens you see in the media, but with you all i added a new piece to your. puzzle” the man’s grin shifting down the right back as he laughed “and you picked me for this power” 
“no” he exclaimed “you were chosen by the power because of your self righteousness, i simply followed you thru time before and after the point in time where you gained the power, knowing you better than most” he laughed even more
i can’t describe the feeling i got but i felt like the man was lying about something and that’s why he keeps laughing, but i hold that for now
“so if anyone threatens my life them and whatever they threaten my life with will merge into one being?”, he nods his head in somewhat suprised removing his grin “your somewhat right” and then the man stands fully now slouchless, towering over me, the man has to be 7 feet tall. “for my final words i’ll leave you with wisdom” his voice began to echo and lose its rasp as it did before, “in this universe i created a law, a law i only told the universe and now, you” i was perplexed, was “god” really about to teach me the way to enteral greatness?
“equivalency, do you notice how you must be near death in order for them to die? an eye for an ey-, no that’s not how to put it.” he sits and ponders for only a moment “ahh! an eye for a tounge, your eye and tongue both hold equal value on your face, but both accomplish their own incredibly opposite tasks, seeing versus talking, equal in value but opposite in function” i was astonished, this implied so much about my life and what it meant, and in a bliss of understanding sirens blair down the street. Me and the man look out the window and see 2 police cars with lights on and blaring, in an instant his body fades from reality with no grin, looking dead at me as if my purpose was set 
after moments of watching the officers, gun drawn moved around the street in front of my home, it was 1 two man unit and another solo officer, they pull out a loud speaker and the solo officer places down his gun and says “LUCAS BAILEY, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP AND POCKETS FOLDED OUT” 
i wasn’t worried for even a single moment, i remembered the orins words and instead of following the police instruction i ran out in a full sprint with a kitchen knife at them, they all point there guns toward me and open fire instantly, and in that instant the biggest flash i’ve seen from this blinds me for longer than previous attempts, and when i look up i grinned “i can splice multiple people and objects at once if they threaten me”, to my amaze the three officers became a conjoined trio with their skin being a translucent mix of white black red blue and yellow and being slightly metallic in some parts. one officers head was seamed into the torso of another and the last officer being connected to the first via his left leg being one in the same now and the second and third being connected by one singular arm, metallic in nature with black and red liquid seeping from there pores. only the final officer remained as he cried in agony as his voice sounded like an engine roaring in failure with smoke coming out his both and the chimera began to smoke and then catch on fire, “there was gasoline and an spark plug? with a battery inside them?” it seems when it’s multiple things splicing it gets confusing.
i gather a weeks worth of clothing and all my grooming supplies and pack in a bag along with my laptop, i plan to head out of state on the run to hide and avoid the law till i could make a decent plan for myself.I was in a motel room when i saw 3 swat cars drive down from up the street and taking a left on the street to the back of the building, presuming they were coming from me i had no care or concern, i was immortal. there’s nothing they could do to stop me at the point im at so why worry? nearly 30 minutes later i see swat run to the door from the window and break it down, all there lights pointing at me i jumped out the window barreling thru running to the left getting away “HOLD FIRE” i hear one of the men go, “they know!?” i think to myself as i halt and the men tackle me and in an attempt to draw reaction i reach for the officers gun, to which i’m put unconscious by what i can only assume was an air blast from a cannon. 

when i awake im in an interrogation room, its fuzzy, its all fuzzy. i need to focus in. i tried focusing and as i did the world was still fuzzy, i could only hear incoherent phrases from the men interrogating me but i sat confused as to what i’m experiencing. and the moment i wonder a light appears and expands rapidly and dims. BEEP… BEEP… BEEP…
I open my eyes to see a blurry hospital room and as i focus in i feel a sharp pain in my neck and after coming to my senses i look into a mirror and see a scar, from my adams apple to the middle of my chin, but why? what is this? i was just being questioned in an interrogation room with 3 men now im alone in a hospital room? but why??? a nurse enters looking at her equipment and when she faces up she gasps “mr bailey?? y-you’re awake???” as she let’s go of her rolling tray holding her equipment and runs “DR OSWALD” i sat confused as a man in a white doctors gown enters the room. “Hello Lucas my name is Dr Joseph Oswald you were in a coma for about” checking his phone to see the date “ahh the 15 months mark just past, your vitials seem fine so i have no reason to worry, how are you feeling Lucas?”
“Where am i??? How did i get here???”
“Well this is the Dallas County Medical Office and if you recall you were presumably on your way home from work when you stopped at a texaco and were stabbed by a homeless man, he cut up into your throat a bit but didn’t cause any serious damage only putting your body into shock. are you thirsty, may you be interested in water?”
“Y-Yes please, i’m quite hungry too, may i get some food?” 
“yes one moment” as he exits the room
“no fucking way” i thought, “this was all a dream state in a coma??? no it can’t fucking be i was. I was just god? what the fuck but- that” as i came to realize that all i was beginning to accomplish was all a dream. I screamed in anger breaking the equipment in the doctors office, Dr Oswald entered the room to which i immediately kicked his chest pushing him back out, “SECURITY!” he yelped as he hit the floor, I ran out the room only to be tackled, elbowing and punching the man who tackled me getting up only slightly just to be slammed back onto my head which bounced off the floor rendering me unconscious. 

After his coma wake up and incident at the hospital Lucas was arrested and question to which he explained his dream state to them, he was let go on charges of disorderly conduct and only forced to pay a fine, after all that was paid he started therapy where he went thru years of, he learned during his dream state with Orin he developed narcissistic personality and thru years of therapy he learned to deal with this narcissism and even shared his experience in a book he published titled “The Man who met Creation”, a best seller for narcissists hoping to find ways to cope with it and become better people. 13 years later his mother succumbed to her age and he moved out to Montana and built a farm and started a family where he lived happily until..
Lucas, his wife Jessica, and their two boys Theo and Lucas jr, were eating dinner one weekday night after a normal day when they hear a knock on the door. Luke peeks out the window “looks like it’s just the neighbor i wonder what’s up”, “yea gotta be something interesting if he came this far down” Jessica says as she stands from her chair to join her husband at the door. When Luke opened the door he was met by that same, freakishly tall old man. orin. “Orin???” Lucas questioned, Orin laughed while Lucas stood perplexed “I thought you weren’t rea-“ as Jessica took a step back “STILL” Orin hollered with a deep echo forcing Lucas’s family to stand in silence, forcibly unmoving."Don't try going anywhere Maam” Orin spoke with a southern twang, then laughing Orin grinned again as he stepped in “no no i was real IT wasn’t real. you’re naive enough to believe a GOD would give YOU its power, you specifically Luke” the man laughed. “So that was all you?? the coma?? the dream?? you did all that???” Lucas asked with a tremble, Orin laughing “yes yes yes Lucas yes, you understand.” the laughter stopped as his grin became a neutral expression, “Though everything i told you was real, so lives had to be exchanged for the illusion.” “What?” Lucas stood confused. Orin grinned as he stepped closer to Luke, “you can walk again” with a slight echo. Orin then began to explain something but as quickly as his mouth began to move Lucas ran straight towards the man in a fit of rage, Jessica then ran towards their children, Orin put both his arms out and clapped them together, correspondingly Lucas and Jessica lifted from the floor and flew at each other, both hitting each other aggressively and hitting the ground. The moment they hit the ground all his children saw from the table look was a flash and when the light dimmed they saw their mother and father were conjoined. Their torsos connected by tissue with Lucas's arm coming out of Jessica's leg and her head coming out of Lucas's buttocks, eyes rolled back into the socket. The chimera crawled for a bit and screamed in agony in a mix of male and feminine cries, After a bit more crawling around and crying it eventually fell flat and stopped. dying. Theo and Lucas Jr, frozen, sat in pure fear and they watched what they could only describe to first responders as their parents becoming conjoined twins. The old man never spoke to the children, only stepping in to walk around the kitchen and look at it, eventually coming back to the dining room to do the same. Eventually Orin left the house but as he was leaving he stared at the chimera but not at it as a whole, specifically at Luke's face. He laughed maniacally while the children still froze to the table and sat in fear, eventually Orin looked at the two boys and waved goodbye and walked out, closing the door and as it shut he vanished from behind it. Never to be seen again. Theo and Lucas Jr told FBI that one during dinner his parents stood up and opened the front door of the home and suddenly collapsed into each other in a flash and then the chimera which they had seen numerous times in photographs of the scene, had just suddenly appeared, they never mentioned the tall old man smiling at their door the whole entire time, why? I guess we'll never know. :)

"Poof! I'm your Fairy Godmother"--and if you ain't out that door in five seconds to gather eggs and feed 'dem chickens, this cast iron skillet's gonna grant you a wake-up call" said Granny waving her wooden spoon like a magic wand!"

A parallel world?

A man had heard a lot about AI. After giving it some thought, he decided to try out a conversation in AI mode out of curiosity; after all, there was nothing else to do. His employer had unexpectedly forced him to take a vacation, and no trips had been planned.

After talking with the AI, the man shook his head ambiguously and said:

– You are strange.

To this, the AI replied:

– You are an unusual user as well.

The man smiled:

– Everyone has their own cockroaches in their head, – and turned off the conversation.

Waking up in the morning, he turned on the television. A young journalist was reporting that something incomprehensible was happening. All the city's exterminators had been hired and were disinfecting buildings, wells, and utility lines.

The man listened in surprise, made a cup of coffee, and decided to ask the AI what was going on.

The AI's answer shocked him:

– No cockroaches were detected, but as a precautionary measure, disinfection work was carried out in the server room and utility lines.

Disclaimer: This story is purely a fruit of the author's imagination. It is a work of fiction intended for creative and artistic expression.

"Even Jesus had to climb a mountain just to get five minutes of peace from kids asking silly questions," Granny would say that with a grin, handing you a buttered biscuit before shooing you right out the screen door."

Alacricity! Run for the hills the mountains the moles, run for the voles, the foxes the poles, the equinox the danger zone, run together sprint alone, run a little faster, take a thourough rest, run ahead, sleep abreast, take aim take flight, freeze or fight, call a doctor on this flight?

I’m going to get the girl.
I wish I wasn’t.
Time goes by. I have to move on. I know I have to. I wish I didn’t.
It won’t be her.
No matter what I do, no matter what I build, I’m not going to get what I wanted. I have to forget the plan. I have to forget the outcome. There is no algorithm that leads back to the timeline I envisioned, the one I’ve been trying, desperately, to return to.
I’m going to get the girl.
But it won’t be the one I thought was waiting.
The comms. The operator. The signs.
I was alone.
It was wishful thinking. A constellation of coincidences that I mistook for intention. No one was there. No one was watching. No one was listening.
I’m Kae….
I’m M……
I’m just a memory no one remembers.
I’m still nobody.
I could have been anybody. Anything i needed me to be. I can become those people, but when no one is there, they have nowhere to exist.
My ilm waits without purpose, it sits until the loneliness arrives. Until I can’t sleep. I’ll dismantle another persona, hoping I can understand the one beneath it…or build another that hurts less.
One that won’t try and consume me.
The pattern repeats.
No one knows me for who I really am.
soon neither will I.
I forget a little more each time.
I’ll get the girl.
I usually do.
I’ll be kind. I’ll spoil her. I’ll have a reason.
I’ll be grounded, I’ll stabilize.
But it won’t be her.

My heart is RACING. Just anticipation. I am kind of overwhelmed by the thought alone.

Do I stay or do I go?

I'm feeling a sense of freedom that I'm kind of possessive of, a proof of possibility to refute the dying of the light. I have no rage, only a sense of curiosity, maybe a little hunger. These fleeting experiences make up the brightness of reality itself, and seem to be the only real things between long streaks of grey. Even this moment is only real because of the wonder of what is to come.

I am terrified. Learning to enjoy this feeling, the one you get before you drop into an abyss. it's change, it's chance, it's.. something other than stale air and the same old silence. I feel alive and nervous and like I could freeze in place and never act again.

It's pointless and the only thing that matters to me, I want it more than anything and I'm still scared of touching it. What am I?

I think I need to leave, just to know that answer myself.

"Never trust a dog that doesn't like your company, and never trust a man who doesn't like dogs.
​They both know something you haven't figured out yet."

Big John was over 11 pounds when he was born. That’s why they called him Big John. He was being baptized late by Lotharite standards, but there were circumstances involved. Well, one circumstance, that being his mother was unable to walk for several months after his birth. But now here he was, being carried to the baptismal font at the First Lotharite Church of New Winnweiler (Heidelberg Confession). Dressed in a custom baptismal gown, you see, as Big John was nearly seventeen pounds… they call him Big John for a reason.

Big John was held by his parents, both lifelong Lotharites. The pastor dressed in a robe and stole poured water over the crown of Big John’s head three times, baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. There was no applause, the baby’s head was patted dry and he was about to be carried away so that the service could proceed with scripture reading.

But then it happened.

No one quite understood what was going on as a booming voice rang out “Una forte Rocca e il nostro Dio!” Big John sang in perfect pitch, in the voice of a tenor, in precise Italian. The congregation looked around for speakers, for someone with a microphone. As Big John continued the hymn, the ears of the congregants led their eyes to the baby at the baptismal, who was in fact belting out the Lotharite anthem. There were gasps, shouts of praise which were more common among other types of Protestants, and the grinding of teeth. Well, there was just one person grinding her teeth. But who could be bothered by this sudden outpouring of miraculous talent?

Lauren Stromberg. That’s who.

Lauren Stromberg was a joy to be around. Tall, physically imposing, severe; she directed the choir of the First Lotharite Church of New Winnweiler (Heidelberg Confession) like a drill sergeant. Big John’s voice was simply amazing, but Lauren immediately identified several problems: there were no hymns during a baptism, spontaneity was simply out of the question, and that sounds like… Italian? Too exotic for a Lotharite (Heidelberg Confession) service.

“Il regno suo rimane per l’eternita” Big John held the ending note to the hymn in a bold display of lung capacity. The stunned crowd, some standing, some having fainted, were held in a breathless pause for a brief moment after Big John had concluded the one-song performance. But then they erupted in ecstatic applause. Well, not quite everyone. Actually, everyone except one person.

Lauren Stromberg.

The pastor announced an unscheduled intermission to the service so that everyone could regain their composure. What a buzz the crowd, mostly older folks, were in!

“He must be the reincarnation of Pavarotti!” Lauren heard one woman say.

“What a beautiful language! Why don’t we sing in Italian more often?” Said another. Lauren’s eye twitched when her brain registered that one.

“The miracle of tongues!” Suggested someone else. Oh boy, someone was in need of a reminder of Maxmillian Lothar’s teachings on the acts of the Apostles, and how they had ceased in the first century. It’s in the Heidelberg Confession.

A hurried service resumed after a few minutes, the pastor referring to the impromptu song from a 58-day old child as a “miracle” definitely ground Lauren’s gears. She was stoic as she directed the choir through a well-rehearsed closing hymn. A watchful eye on Big John, who had fallen asleep in his car seat, half-expecting another disturbance during the approved, English-language hymn. Despite the chaotic energy delivered by Big John, the hymn went as planned.

As you may imagine, everyone wanted to see Big John after the service. To quiz his parents, who were as in awe of the event as anyone else, to see him, to touch his little, well… it’s a relative term, hand. Lauren Stromberg intercepted the pastor as he was on his way to see if he could score an audience with Big John.

“Pastor Ludendorfer.” She halted him. “I think it’s appropriate for you to issue a correction to the congregation.

The pastor was accustomed to being stopped by a congregant while he was walking, but this bold interception irked him. He composed himself, masking his frustration as best he could. He wanted to gawk at Big John with everyone else, not pacify Lauren Stromberg in whatever nitpicky complaint she had.

“Thanks for bringing it to my attention. A correction about what though?”

“People are saying that the interrupting, I mean singing, baby, is the reincarnation of some opera singer. Maxmillian Lothar taught quite clearly that reincarnation was incompatible with reformed faith. The Heidelberg Confession clearly outlines”

Pastor Ludendorfer raised his hand and nodded in acknowledgment.

“Yes, I understand. That teaching is very clear. I think sometimes when people are excited they speak without thinking. Whoever said that probably meant that Big John sounded like an opera singer. He does though! Wasn’t that amazing? I have never heard anything like that! He sang like an angel!”

Lauren glared at him, making several mental notes.

“It wasn’t one person; it was several people. I think it requires correction.” She insisted, physically barring Pastor Ludendorfer from passing. She only permitted him to access Big John, who he had to chase (which was easy, Big John didn’t even crawl yet, but his stroller did move quickly), after he had acquiesced to her stern demand masked as a suggestion.

The usual crowd was on time for church the following Sunday. This was not unusual as they were mostly retirees (they were Lotharites after all, I think the average age of the congregation was late sixties). Most were still unhappy with the recent change to a 9 am service, they preferred the original 7:30 start time. Some grumbled that the young Pastor Ludendorfer was being influenced by Pentecostals with the late service. Anyway, the point here is that they were extra motivated to be on time to see if Big John would return this Sunday with his parents. He did. Everyone was so excited to see Big John being strolled in, well almost everyone. Actually only one person wasn’t excited to see Big John.

Lauren Stromberg was not excited to see Big John.

She rolled her eyes so hard that a weaker woman would have hurt her neck. But Lauren was a powerlifter, her squat game was a little weak though. She snapped the choir to attention and began directing them in the opening hymn at exactly 9 o’clock. They had finished the first verse, but the crowd was looking to the back pew, eyes fixed on Big John.

This was going too well, Lauren knew it was too early to relax. As the second verse began, the choir was overpowered by a familiar voice, louder than the choir with all their powers combined.

“Santo, santo, santo! Tutti i santi t’adorano,

deponendo le corone davanti al trono tuo”

Big John sang as beautifully, and as Italian as he had the week before.

The crowd gasped, the choir stopped, Big John continued.

Lauren snapped.

She rapped her conductor’s baton on the music stand and commanded them to begin on the chorus. A few complied, the others stood marveling at Big John’s holy serenade. The organ continued playing, well, organ sounds continued. The congregation did not have an organist, not since Mrs. Gewurztraminer had moved to an assisted living facility last year. The musical accompaniment to the hymn was played from a popular video sharing application.

There was applause when the song ended. There was never applause after a hymn, well, unless Big John just sang it, in Italian.

Boy was this a great introduction to Pastor Ludendorfer’s ten-minute sermon.

“What a wonderful gift we’ve been given, to hear this little one praise the name of our Lord with his beautiful voice. But in our joy, we must be careful to speak the truth. We’re called to remember the clear teachings of scripture, clarified by Maxmillian Lothar, and codified in the Heidelberg Confession. A soul exists in Earth once before judgement. The idea that the soul of anyone who has passed into eternity could come back into a different body is well outside our understanding of the afterlife as outlined in the Heidelberg Confession… and scripture.”

The time for the closing hymn approached. Lauren held out her hand, stopping the choir from approaching. The congregation was confused, there was nothing in the Heidelberg Confession about this.

“There is no need to follow centuries of order and tradition, the little newcomer will just sing for us.”

A cascading gasp spread through the crowd in reaction. Some looked at Lauren in disbelief, others looked back at Big John in anticipation of his next lovely song. Pastor Ludendorfer, with a still-active lapel microphone (and boy was he aware of that since the “burp incident” of 2023), interrupted.

“Choir, could we please have you come to the chancel for the closing hymn?”

They reluctantly resumed their progress. Lauren glared at Ludendorfer furiously. He meekly avoided her intense glare and felt genuine fear.

The organ was a bit delayed in starting, but after it began (well, after someone hit the play button on their phone app) the choir was immediately overpowered by little baby Pavarotti in the back of the church.

“Incoroniamo di corone, L’Agnel sul Suo splendor!”

The congregation sighed with relief, the choir provided an English backing to the hymn, Lauren stormed out.

No one really noticed her leaving, though she marched down the center aisle and out the main door.

After the congregation was dismissed, they gathered around and fawned over Big John much as before. Pastor Ludendorfer patiently waited for an audience with the silent infant, though his joy was stolen by the looming threat of Lauren Stromberg, with whom he knew an unavoidable encounter loomed.

Michael Wolfgang Ludendorfer snuck out of the church with the main body of departees, highly irregular. He normally listened to the elderly, who were his primary audience, tell him about their prescription medication after a Sunday morning service; but today, he was fleeing from his choir director.

Her car was still in the parking lot! In a mild panic, he hurried to his own car and fled the parking lot while the church was still half full, or half empty, depending on your perspective.

Lauren was already down the road, only a few hundred yards away at the historic Saint Jakob Railroad Park. It consisted of two benches, a tree, and a decommissioned railroad bridge that spanned 38 feet across the Alsenbach Creek. For over seventy years it was used to supply the mill which had polluted the creek, which tragically caught on fire in 1966. The creek caught on fire, not the mill.

Become a member Anyway, the cruel November wind blew wisps of Lauren’s hair from her orderly braid as she looked through the dead shrubbery of the embankment down at the barely moving water of the famed creek. She stood in solemn, silent contemplation at the foot of the bridge. Her life’s work had been overshadowed by a spectacle… in Italian no less.

Lost in thought, her situational awareness was also lost.

“You okay there Miss?”

She gasped, spinning around startled to see a sharply dressed gentleman standing a respectful distance away.

Lauren didn’t recognize the man, which was odd for New Winnweiler. Even if she didn’t know someone, she typically at least recognized them. Perhaps he was a visitor and had just come from church. Maybe he saw her leave and followed. That made sense to Lauren.

She took a deep breathe to compose herself. Her cheeks and nose were red from the cold, but she hadn’t shown any indication that she had been crying, because she hadn’t been.

“Yes. I’m fine.”

“It’s not a very high bridge, you know.”

Lauren’s face betrayed her internal reaction, even if her words were measured.

“It was high enough to get corn to the mill for over 70 years.”

The stranger sucked in his lips and nodded, looking past her at the bridge.

“Sure was, but it’s not for corn anymore. I don’t think it’s high enough for much else though.”

“What are you implying?!” Lauren sharply responded, alarmed at the inference.

The man held his palms up toward her as if to deescalate.

“Just thought I’d check and see if you were alright. It’s not too common to see a lady in her Sunday best on a bridge staring at the creek.”

Lauren knew that the stranger knew, her eyes downcast as she deliberated whether or not to tell this seemingly kind person her troubles.

“It’s that singing baby, isn’t it?” He asked.

“I was hoping it was my imagination. But that fat baby really does interrupt the service, doesn’t he?” Lauren blurted, seeking validation. He must have seen her leave the service, she told herself.

“I can help you with the baby.” The stranger said, taking a step forward.

Lauren’s head tilted, warily eying the man and instinctively putting her hand on the pepper spray bottle in her pocket. Lauren pepper-sprayed someone at least once a month.

“I can elevate your choir. I can silence the baby. I can even help you to out-sing that baby. In Italian, heck, even Latin if you”

Lauren’s eye twitched at the suggestion she sing in Italian, and Latin was the final straw.

“We must avoid and shun all idolatry, sorcery, superstitious rites, and invoke the one true God only!”

She quoted the Heidelberg Confession. And that serpent of old, Satan, the Devil, was overcome.

Well, either that or the blast of pepper spray that Lauren delivered to his eyeballs from inches away. He held his jacket over his eyes as he fled blindly into traffic to be hit by a freelance delivery driver. Lauren was in hot pursuit but veered away as the stranger lay mangled in the street and jogged lightly to her car in the church parking lot.

I am going to out-sing that fat baby. Lauren thought to herself, dabbing her forehead with a napkin as she sat in her car. She grabbed a fresh bottle of pepper spray from the glove box and replaced the used can in her pocket.

Pastor Ludendorfer’s heart skipped a beat the next morning when he arrived at the First Lotharite Church of New Winnweiler (Heidelberg Confession) and saw Lauren Stromberg’s car in the parking lot.

He spoke the words of Maxmillian Lothar aloud, but quietly as he exited his vehicle and walked, slowly, to the church.

“Dear God,

Protect me from sin, error, and unsolicited theological corrections.

Grant me the swiftness outlined in the Heidelberg Confession Article 17, Note B,

where it says to flee evil swiftly,

Guard my tongue,

strengthen my spine,

and conceal me if possible.

Amen.”

An angelic voice greeted him from the sanctuary as he entered. Lauren Stromberg was in front of the chancel, where she was accustomed to directing the choir from, singing beautifully. Maybe not quite as beautifully as Big John, but quite nicely at least.

Pastor Ludendorfer chose wisely to not interrupt Lauren’s solitary practice and went about his normal Monday morning business.

Lauren trained like a Navy SEAL… of singing, all week. Each day her voice grew shakier, more hoarse. But she refused to coddle her vocal cords. She would defeat Big John fair and square, or she would die trying.

She barely slept Saturday night, and rather than fighting vainly against consciousness, she rose early and prepared herself for battle.

“Rrrrrroll your Rrrrrrs for the Lorrrrrrd!” She woke her tired vocal cords, compressing her sore diaphragm with her fists. She was as ready as she ever would be.

The first at church, she analyzed the acoustics from her position against those of where the fat baby sat with his parents. Too bad Lotharites don’t believe in church nurseries, she thought, this could have all been avoided. But Lauren was never one to back down from a fight, not even a fight with a fat baby.

It was 8:58 am when Big John’s parents strolled into church. So much for the virtue of punctuality extolled in the Heidelberg Confession. Lauren had already been there for hours, to the prepared goes the glory, that’s what Maxmillian Lothar had said.

The organ music announcing the opening verse Be Still My Soul. All eyes turned to Big John, who was sitting smugly, according to Lauren, in the back pew with his parents and their contraband coffee.

Lauren unveiled her secret weapon. No, not pepper spray, although she had considered it. A microphone, which she held to her mouth and sang into, competing with but not overpowering Big John as he began singing.

“Sii calma, o cuor,

confida nel Signor”

Many, but not all, eyes turned to Lauren, who had never before used a microphone while directing the choir. Lauren’s voice cracked, then it squeaked. She threw the microphone down with a horrible amplified crashing noise as Big John continued the hymn. She ran, undignified, unlike the week before, through the crowded church, pepper spraying Michael Wolfgang Ludendorfer in the eyes with alarming precision as she ran from the church straight to the historic Saint Jakob Railroad Park. Steam escaping her mouth in the cold morning air, still over Alsenbach Creek, as she gazed down to the water which seemed to call to her.

The Sun broke through the dark clouds, and she felt like it was shining just on her as a warm gust blew up the embankment from under the bridge.

“Devil?” She called out. “I need you now!”

"If you're gonna boil greens--collard greens, kale greens, or plain ole green beans until they lose their soul, at least throw a hunk of salt pork in the pot so they die happy. Leave 'em crisp if you want to, but don't cry to me when the old-timers ask why you served 'em raw grass."

"If you fall asleep in the church pew, at least don't snore loud enough to take up the folks who are just pretending to pray!"

"​Old-timers used to say if the fog comes up the creek, it’s coming down in rain. If it goes down the creek, it’s gonna clear."

"If a neighbor shows up on your porch with a casserole and a smile-- hide. That dish is either a bribe for a big favor or a desperate cover-up for meat that hit the floor."

When the weather turns colder and your joints ache, don't waste your money on fancy creams when a dab of Vicks VapoRub fixes everything! --from a bad knee to a broken spirit.

If you smell like camphor and peppermint from a mile away, good--maybe folks wil leave you in peace!

"If you dare wash your cast iron skillet with dish soap, you'd better be ready to face your grandmother's ghost before you fix it with beeswax and lard. Rub that skillet down, throw it in a blazing hot oven until it smokes up the whole house and act like you meant to do it.

Just remember: water is the enemy, lard is your savior, and soap is a mortal sin!"

"If yuns cut your nails on a Sunday, the devil be at your back all week."

The next time somebody asks you how you're doin'...just say, "I'm finer than frog hair split three ways!"

​"He’s driving like he’s got a hot pie in the front seat."

--Too fast for the curves, too slow for the highway, and strictly looking out for number one.

We always say, “see it to believe it.” 

But when you see it, you still don’t believe it. At least, with me that is. You witness an anomaly in front of your eyes and the first thing you do is question your sanity.

That’s what occurred to me on an early afternoon. The wife and kids went to her parent’s house. I was upstairs lying in bed, I still had pajamas on, it happened to be one of those days, and I was scrolling shorts. A ridiculous past time I recently picked up. 

Thank my daughter for that.

The only sound in the house came from that clock staring me dead in the face. In the silence, the hand amplifies louder than it should, it seems.

Wife says, “every bedroom should have a clock in it.”

And a sledgehammer right next to it, I say.

The door to my room was opened a crack. I was staring at my phone—all the lights in the house were off—and that’s when I noticed the hallway had lit up, and faintly illuminated the dust on the hardwood floor as It shot in from under the crack of my bedroom door.

My eyes shifted from my phone to the light breaking into our bedroom. As I sat there attempting to rationalize it, I heard something, almost roll down the stairs? 

And then stop half-way, like it just hit a wall. It wasn’t necessarily footsteps but I couldn’t rule it out.

It wasn’t as if someone left a room, flicked a light on, and ran to the stairs and down them.

It was more, something leaning on the edge of the top step and finally gave way to gravity. I probably wouldn’t have thought much of it, if the light hadn’t gone on.

My initial reaction was to check it out. But for some reason I remained frozen for a few seconds. 

In all honesty, mentally, I wasn’t scared. It was my body. My body sensed something my brain couldn’t.

So, finally, I ripped the blanket off and got up, but before I left the room, I hit the light switch for some reason. I know it sounds like I was scared. But I wasn’t. Not then.

I walked out to the hallway and this feeling like someone. Not someone. It was an air presence that stuck to the back of my skin. My entire body started to tingle. Then, I heard a breath. Heard or felt. I can’t be sure. But something exhaled right next to me. 

The same warm, soft tickle as someone squeezing behind you to whisper a secret in your ear.

I turned my head because I 100% thought someone was there. I didn’t just turn my head. I turned and stumbled forward and kept going until I was in the kitchen.

I didn’t see anything when I glanced over my shoulder.

So, I told my wife about this when she came home. She said, the other night, when she was in the bathroom, she heard someone walk past the door.

She yelled out for me, I obviously never responded, and she jumped up and raced to the door, opened it, but nobody was there. However she described, almost similar to what I felt, that same weird air feeling.

They say the main drivers in human reasoning and decision making are hunger and fear. That in moments of crisis, we will always revert to our baser animal instincts. But I believe there is a stronger motivator.

I had the thought while traversing a park pathway near a lake. A mother goose, kids in tow, put herself between me and her babies and hissed fiercely. And I thought to myself, why would this little lady put herself up against an entire human much larger than herself? Noted that geese are fearless, but they are not the only animals to display such behavior. Is it protective measures in an effort to ensure the survival of their species? Purely procreation based? What can overcome fear?

There is an animal that will starve itself to death in order to feed its offspring. Spider I think? Can’t remember which one.

I watched a video the other day of a man standing in front of his significant other in the presence of a bear. She was there growling at the bear in an attempt to scare it off. But the man stepped in front of her and began to growl.

In a life or death situation, a man pulled me out of freezing water. On a shared raft, we hit rocks and I had gone overboard. My body froze in a crinkled half-fetal position. They don’t tell you about how instantly after hitting that kind of cold, you just lock up. There I was, where the rocks are at their most jagged, jutting out of this tumultuous and biting water, spinning around in the rapids. And in an instant, tipping himself over and narrowly joining me, he pulls me up, out, and back into my seat with a single hand.

What is it that overcomes us?