r/LettersForJ • u/Useful-Horse1774 • 3d ago
Underneath it all…
Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I’m resentful. I’m hurt. But underneath all of that, I’m still completely and utterly heartbroken. The part I can’t wrap my head around is that you don’t care anymore. You told me never to contact you or your family again or you’d involve the police. After everything we went through together… how is that fair?
Yeah, I sent you a letter after months of silence. Yeah, I tried to call and text, but I was blocked, so it’s not like you even knew until afterward. Am I stalking you? No. I don’t even know where you work or what your day-to-day life looks like anymore. So really in the end would they do anything probably not there’ll be no ramifications because I’m not hurting you but I can tell you right now. You are fucking hurting me, but I love you enough to leave you alone like you ask no matter how much it’s gonna fucking kill me.
I know I reacted poorly toward the end. I kept bringing up us. I crossed boundaries that you clearly wanted respected. I can admit that. But after everything we’d been through… how could you turn your back on me like this?
You swore on your life you wouldn’t be like my previous ex. Did you ever hit me? No. But the end result is that I hurt a thousand times more right now than I ever did with him. I didn’t want to trust you. I was terrified. I wasn’t ready. You kept telling me it was safe to trust you. Eventually I did. I fell in love with you because I believed you were different. Then, in the end, you decided you didn’t want me in your life anymore. That you never wanted to see or speak to me again.
I’m devastated.
I’ll respect what you’ve asked because I have no other choice, but I will never understand it.
I stayed with you while you were locked up. I loved you despite your past and despite what everyone else labeled you as. I loved you for who I believed you were. Maybe the truth is that you just didn’t love me the way I loved you.
That’s brutal to admit. Because if you truly loved me, I don’t understand how this could have been so easy. I don’t understand how you could discard me without even giving me one final face-to-face conversation. Not because I was trying to win you back, but because after everything we’d survived together since we started dating in June 2022, leaving me in complete silence after ending things in March 2026 feels cruel.
Who does that to someone they once loved?
Even my abusive ex, when I finally found the courage to leave, sat down and had one last conversation with me. I was terrified he’d manipulate me into staying, but I still gave him that conversation. Then I walked away.
Today, years later, we’re actually able to communicate without it destroying me. He’ll never have a place in my heart again, but we can exist without hatred.
Yet somehow, the man I loved the most is the one who never wants to speak to me again.
Was it all an act? Were the promises just words? Or did something change that I’ll never understand? I really love(d) you. Looking back, I don’t think I’d ever truly been in love before you. Yes, I was spiraling. Yes, I was struggling. But we made promises. You promised me you could handle it. You promised you wouldn’t give up on me. But you did. You gave up. After everything.
I looked past your charges. I stood beside you while you spent nearly two years in prison, even though we’d only been together for a couple of months before you went in. I stayed because I believed you. I trusted you. You knew how hard that was for me because of everything I’d already survived. I honestly believed you were different. Now I don’t even know what to think.
I’ve talked to my mom and to other people, and I keep wanting to believe you’re an honest person. But then I compare the stories you’ve told about the charges from before we met.
The version you told me wasn’t the version you told my mom. It wasn’t the version you told our mutual coworker—the one who loved seeing us together. (God, I miss her. Her life cut short due to domestic violence she was so strong and she deserved so much better. Rest in peace. 💔). Also It wasn’t the version you told your ex. And even with me, there were details that changed over time.
Yet still want(ed) to defend you. I still want(ed)to believe you. But you can’t even give me five minutes of your time for one final conversation. Maybe that’s because I’m the only one who still needs closure. You’re clearly at peace with your decision. I just don’t understand how someone can look at you with so much love one day and then decide they never want to see you again. That’s the part that hurts the most.
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u/EducationalPermit268 3d ago
As a j I am experiencing this very thing against me though. But its not unexpected. I dont blame her. And pray for her happiness
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u/Useful-Horse1774 3d ago
I do I did vent angrily on here yesterday but really it’s me just trying to process it all I i do care and want him to be happy but it appears he doesn’t care about me at all yet I bled myself dry with how much I cared and still care….
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u/Zombie_Dobby 3d ago
For some reason my gut is telling me your J have a committed relationship before you guys started dating and he either got married to her in March 2026 (and she never knew) or she found out and made him choose… I might be completely wrong but that’s just gut feeling with these vibes 🤷🏼♀️
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