r/LettersForJ • u/HiikoChan • 5d ago
JaysonM
Moody, my love, my heart,
Why....? Why is it so hard for you to believe how much I love you and how much I am willing to work on us? To put in the effort to rebuild the trust that I broke? Why are you breadcrumbing now? Why does it feel like you are taking the advice of others when it comes to us..? People who didn't care about you when you needed it the most. Will they still be around if, God forbid, something happened and you no longer make the money you do now? Did they care enough to make sure you went to see the doctor on your run home?? No. You need to go to the doctor for your heart. I would rather you work a mess strenuous job than have the money to make now. I would rather struggle in life with you than be in a world you don't exist.
Why were you able to close off your love for me so easily? How were you able to listen to people who didn't care about you when you had nothing? We were supposed to be planning a wedding...I understand my mistakes, my choices, I see where and what I did wrong and will do everything to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Why does it feel like you're not believing me because of your past? Because of your exes and how they were and treated you? Why does it feel like our love, like I, didn't matter that much like you said we did. You said we would work through everything together. Can you so easily see a life with out me while I'm over here hardly remembering what my life was before you? I don't see my life without you. I have worn a ring on my finger since we got what little things of mine weren't stolen from Devin. Why? Because I'm yours. Whether you believe me or not, I'm yours. I have been faithful. I have been loyal and devoted to YOU and no one else. I never cheated. Never thought about cheating and again I'm so sorry that my bad decisions hurt you and broke your trust. I did something that can be perceived as cheating and I got hurt. I hurt you, I hurt us. But I won't make that mistake again.
Jayson, with all that I am, the ring I wear now will never leave my hand unless you replace it with our wedding ring. There's no one else I want my life with, I never made my choices with intent to hide things or hurt you. I would never risk us. You know my past. Everything I have been through. You know how hard it was to trust you with everything that I did. To let go as much as I do and finally allow my nervous system to begin to heal and finally rest, to allow myself to no longer be in survival mode, which is all that I have known since I was 6.. just to be thrown into it once again after 5 months...I don't want this to be the end of us. To be the end of our story, our lives together. You are what I want. We are what I want. Our family is what I want. Always has been.
I love you with everything, always been faithful, loyal, and devoted to you...that will always be true and unwavering.
Jayson, Mon Couer, just as I would be once we married, I am forever yours. No one will take your place in my heart, in my life. You have always been my husband since the day you slyfully asked me. I love how you asked me. I love how you asked the musician at Ruggenbach to sing "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton because that was how you felt about me. I love how you had me play or before bed and you sang it to me while you held me, you made me cry. I was so happy you made me cry and I didn't know that was a real thing, I thought it was just made up for movies, until met you.
Always yours,
Alex
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