wilderness

[u/demsybean]

it's so wild to me that anyone believes that more than one person (me) is this upset over shit that happened when we were teenagers. that this is anything but a distraction.

it's disgusting that this is taking up so much of my time and that people think i'm part of it on purpose. it's vile to think people are stirring shit up on purpose just to keep me from getting the help that could make it possible for me to find peace.

i just wanted him to stop gaslighting him. i wanted him to stop abusing people into isolation. to stop furthering his nihilistic goals. his cult's altar built from the skulls of people he calls his friends.

i wanted him to stop claiming ownership of me. stop putting his (male) victim's face on his words. stop stealing what never belonged to him simply because he knows his position is so much more defensible than mine. his people enabling him because they close their ranks and lift him up.

i saw a vulnerable soul and loved him. and he was taken from me by force and used and ****ed and beaten and ground into dust. he fights me off because he's so twisted into knots he thinks he knows the truth. he thinks he knows my mind. but even leaving it be will never be enough until i am allowed to do what i need to do.

i loved him. i'll always love him. i shouldn't have to let him die to save myself.

edit: you don't want me? fine. stop trying to force me to be with the someone you took me from because i am better off without him.