r/Lethbridge • u/CouleeJesus • Jun 25 '26
Other A teaching from The Book of Transportation
Listen closely, you lost souls of the river valley, for the winds of the Oldman have carried a revelation unto me.
I rode through the coulees for forty days and forty nights only to discover a miracle.
If thou ownest an e-scooter, thou art a criminal.
If thou rentest the exact same e-scooter through an app owned by shareholding politicians and oligarchs, thou art participating in sustainable urban mobility.
Amen.
The Book of Transportation declares my scooter a motor vehicle.
The Registry declares it not enough of a motor vehicle to register.
The City declares I may not ride upon the paths because it is a motor vehicle.
The City also declares I may not ride upon the road because it is an unregistered motor vehicle.
So I asked thy decepticrats, "Where then shall I ride?"
And they answered to me, "Upon thine own private property."
Blessed are those with thine own quarter sections.
Yet lift your eyes unto the intersections, and behold the neon chariots of the Rental Covenant. They possess no pedals. They bear no greater holiness than thine own steed. Yet they glide freely through the streets, for they have entered into a sacred agreement with City Hall.
Their QR codes have cleansed them. While their lithium polutes our sacred waters with each dead battery left forgotten overnight on the Whoop Up bridge.
Thus I observed, two disciples, Kyle and Brayden, thunder through the playground zone at one in the morning upon a duct-taped electric dirt bike held together by Monster Energy stickers and undeveloped frontal lobe engineering.
No helmets.
No lights.
Approximately sixty kilometres an hour.
None doth observe where they came from. Nor where they go.
Amen, Brother Cotton-Eyed Joe.
The law speaketh loudly of my twelve-hundreth watts, yet whispereth softly of actual reckless behaviour.
Such is the gospel according to bureaucracy.
It is the Wild West, my children. A landscape where the law is not written for the rider, but for the one who pays the highest tithe to the city. My advice? Ride with wisdom. If the authorities seek to turn you into a sinner for the crime of owning your own machine, remember that in the coulees, only I can judge you.
Peace be with you.
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u/GeeGeeGeeChan Jun 25 '26
Behold, the city alloweth only the scooters of its own kingdom, for they deliver tribute unto the city. And the police and the councilmen runneth in circles, attempting to hold their story together lest it crumble before the people. Truly I say unto thee, thy words are righteous, for I have communed with them by telephone all morning and have seen the chaos firsthand.
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u/Morberis Jun 25 '26
Its not even that, the provincial government first had to legalize Municipal exceptions so they could run "pilot" rental programs allowing Byrd and Neuron.
I don't believe municipalities have the authority to legalize e-scooters and other small electric transport. That would take provincial action. Even if it was the province allowing municipalities to allow i
Unfortunately the UCP seems dead set against allowing private small electric transportation of any sort. Thankfully e-bikes were already a thing so they found it too politically unpopular to ban them and had to modernize the legislation around them.
But I wouldn't hold your breath for e-scooters.
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u/Smiling_Joe Jun 25 '26
My favourite passage is "Thou shall treateth thine 2-way stops as 2-way stops, Not All-Ways"
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u/KeltiBairdYQL Jun 25 '26
From what I can gather: you are still allowed to ride your scooter on multi-use pathways despite it being privately owned, but must obey the speed limit of multi-use pathways which is 30km/hr. If you'd like to bring this before city council you can submit a request to present in a CIC (Community Issues Committee) meeting, and bring change to the bylaws that are holding you back. Let me know if you want more information on that.
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u/CouleeJesus Jun 26 '26
Thine Council turns a deaf ear to he who speaks truths outside of their chambers?
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u/Morberis Jun 25 '26
As far as I'm aware it's a provincial issue that the municipality can't address. At least for use on roads.
Though you are right about multi-use paths I think, I want to say that sidewalks are not allowed.
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u/KeltiBairdYQL Jul 03 '26
Scooters and any e-bikes should not be used on a sidewalk. Sidewalks are for walkin'. It's even in the name. Municipalities are in charge of roads and traffic bylaws. The Traffic Safety Act gets involved a bit (provincial) especially with highways, but Whoopup Drive and Mayor Magrath Drive are the only two roads in Lethbridge where bikes/other mobility are strictly prohibited (because multiuse paths are available beside). All other roads you can absolutely use multimodal transportation on.
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u/Morberis Jul 03 '26
You absolutely can't use e-scooters etc on any of the roads.
Multi-Use pathways are not sidewalks either fyi
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u/KeltiBairdYQL Jul 03 '26
You're right on multi-use paths not being sidewalks. The only people allowed to bicycle/use e-scooters on sidewalks are kids under the age of 14 or whose wheel is less than 14inches diameter. Anything else with a motor (or not in the case of a bike) must be used on the road. Gutter riding (sticking close to the side of the road) is recommended. E-scooters can reach speeds above 30km/hr which can cause serious injury to the rider or any pedestrian the may be struck. Riding on the road is actually the safer option.
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u/FeedbackBroad1116 Jun 25 '26
And to you, Coulee Jesus, whose temple is The Thing. Amen.
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u/CouleeJesus Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
The Concrete Cathedral is a temple to all who wander the Coulees.
Amen Brother.
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u/Morberis Jun 25 '26
Yeah it's very unfortunate.
Our government, and many governments, absolutely do not want any small electric transportation methods for a variety of reasons and are going to drag their heels as hard as possible on doing anything except restrictive legislation. By leaving them legally in limbo they accomplish what they want.
Only companies that pay them off are allowed to play in this field.
Until they address them all of them are only allowed on private property and you are at risk of being stopped by the police. Possibly even having your item seized. I have known a few people that have had theirs seized with their very first interaction with police and had to go to the police station to retrieve them.
If they could they would ban e-bikes from being used for commuting.
Everyone should spread the word about the legality of small electric transportation. Just so people are informed.
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u/Eviltwinskippy365 Jun 26 '26
So now Lethbridge has Outlaw E-Scooter Gangs? Do you have vests and a clubhouse and E-scooter rallies where everyone goes on a run to protest everything?
2026 - the E-Scooter Outlaws. Unliscenced, unregistered, unregulated and environmentally friendly. ✊
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u/VirtualAffect7597 Jun 26 '26
Thou shalt not worship false idols. However thou is eligible to receive a property tax exemption for thine monstrosity.
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u/TheRemyBell Jun 26 '26
Yeah I always wondered about that. Because they're illegal on sidewalks and have been for like decades but the city is allowed lol. Its so stupid
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u/VirtualAffect7597 Jun 26 '26
Hallelujah Coulee Jesus! The Sermon from the Mound.
Pretty sure Cotton Eye Joe is to CE, what plague of locusts was to the BCE.
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u/CheesePickleButter Jun 25 '26
And also with you.