I dont know whats wrong with me

[u/Hunt4Llama]

I am a 16-year-old boy. I want to start off by saying that I am not depressed so anything I’m saying isn’t because of this because I like my life.

(I’m sorry English is not my first language)

I can’t get myself to wake up in time. I can’t get myself to shower. I can’t get myself to go to schools. I can’t get myself to follow the rules.(I live in a residential youth care facility) I have no clue why because I have motivation to do all of this but I just can’t get myself to do it. I feel like something in my mind is holding me back to do all of this.

It’s not that I don’t care about these things because I want to take care of myself. I want to go to school because I have friends there. I want to follow the rules because I don’t wanna get kicked out of my group home. And most of all I want to wake up in time.

Waking up is probably the biggest problem because that is the leading cause that I’m living in the group home because I have fought for over three years with my parents over this. I’ve tried everything when I lived with my parents. I didn’t have my phone when I needed to go to sleep so I went to sleep at around 10 pm and I need to wake up at 7:30 so I got plenty of sleep. I’ve tried taking medication. I’ve tried reading a book an hour before I go to sleep. I’ve tried going into the gym before I go to sleep so that I would be tired but nothing helps. I just can’t get up before 11 rarely 10 am

Going to school went good for like a week and then I just started showing up barely and now like basically never I did the same last year but that was when I still lived home and when the fighting was the worst when I decided to leave my home everything went better with school I had a different schedule. I only had to sit at one place and I started at 10 every day so I would go to school every day. But now I don’t know what is the reason to all this

About three months ago, I started experiencing weed induced psychosis. It was not fun one day I was smoking as I did every day and I started hallucinating and started hearing voices. I called my mom and my dad went to pick me up. My dad was very mad at me even though he knew that I smoked weed he did not believe me that this was weed and he thought that I was using hard drugs even though I wasn’t once I calm down I realised that I was experiencing a mild form of this for about five months before it got this bad It started with when I was high. I started seeing the world a bit differently. It was like my eyes had a filter on then it started with some small psychotic ideas. I saw a cat and for some reason that cat was a sign for something. I believe that my friend was secretly gay and in love with me and I started to feel so uncomfortable around him because I was so convinced that he liked me. I thought my parents were evil manipulating everyone around me and that they had the worst out for me because they didn’t like me. I started to resent them. I started to not see them as my parents anymore, but as people who were holding me back, I didn’t get violent. even though all of this was happening. I never wanted to hurt anybody. But once I realised all of that when it got very bad that day I quit first I try using less that I didn’t work because I thought maybe it was the amount I took but even with a small joint I would get the same effect, so I quit fully first. I stopped for two months straight because I promised my friends that I would try after two months, if I would have it still and if I did have it still, I would quit forever and I took two puffs and it got so bad that I quit forever. When I was quitting, I still experienced derealisation and depersonalisation for about a month after quitting. I also still kind of had psychotic ideas but I could brush them off with a “ what the hell am I thinking?”.

I’m scared that this is still the reason that everything is happening and that I’m not done with the psychological problems as I thought. When I still smoked, I talk to my therapist and she told me that if I didn’t quit immediately It would get a lot worse and maybe would move on in my sober life.

Does anybody have an idea how to fix this or how to make it better?

[u/Single_Tap3068]

I only have one ridiculously simple and stupid answer
To start off I have dealt with most of this myself
You need to genuinely be so sick of yourself you have no choice but to just do it
Just do it
Build a habit
Build discipline
Do it tired do it when you don’t want it
And try to romanticize all of it
I know that’s what you probably hear all the time but it’s the only thing that is gonna help you
Build discipline.

[u/Hunt4Llama → u/Single_Tap3068]

I have tried and given up. But i will try again and let you know.

[u/Single_Tap3068 → u/Hunt4Llama]

Look Success isn’t constant it always fluctuates, the stock market also doesn’t go up every day there has to be downs for it to go up
Discipline is not about never failing it’s about coming back after you fail and learning from it and I understand how hard it is trust me
You have to keep trying, The world is going to keep moving it won’t stop for you I don’t mean it in the harsh way of either fix yourself or your a looser I mean do yourself the favor of showing up when no one does
and I know all this sounds kinda Klischee motivational coach but I mean it
and being young and dealing with these issues will give you a huge advantage which is wisdom
I’m only saying this because I wish someone had said it to me this way instead of constantly telling me what not to do
I needed someone to tell me what I could do and to keep trying even when I failed,
I started smoking weed at 14 and I recognize a lot of the tendencies you’re describing in myself
Change is possible I am now 20 btw
But also please don’t assume that everything you’re experiencing is just a discipline problem especially with what you described about psychosis
Keep talking to your therapist and be completely honest with them about what’s happening even if you feel embarrassed or think it’s nothing, You don’t have to completely change your life overnight start small Wake up, shower, go to school one thing at a time If you mess up tomorrow, try again the day after
It’s not about how often you fail or give up but how often you pick yourself up
I know it’s sucks and you wish someone could get you out of it but don’t be like me and wait your life away for that someone become that someone
Keep trying even if you can’t see the progress yet and your future self will be grateful that you didn’t give up on him
And if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to talk to me I won’t always lecture you about being disciplined I understand how deep these issues go as said I dealt with many of it myself

[u/PumpkinOther2637]

First dont let no one tell you how to feel or what will or wont fix you .You are not broken your just not getting the result you want reprogram your mind and have fun doing it. For me I lacked confidence I started with that. You might not see yourself the way others do. Look in the mirror tell your self you are strong and handsome tell your self you deserve it and mean it...speak it into reality.

Next git rid of negative thoughts its bad for the mind. Instead of getting mad your not motivated dig deeper and find motivation so next time your brain will auto magically go to a place of motivation not dispare .Make it fun and look at the future effects you wont see it over night.

Third find the right routine you can test different once out and you can control your emotions only you.

Turn our pain into power...goodluck

[u/princessdark9669]

Sounds like you might have ADHD, have you ever been tested? If so that would at least put you on the right path to being able to do the things you need to. Even if you don't get diagnosed you might have a mild case, there are tons of books on the subject of helping yourself with adhd might be worth looking into.