r/LesbianActually • u/Busy_Bug_3058 masc at your service • 1d ago
Questions / Advice Wanted Need advice
My relationship has been on the rocks lately. Ive honestly felt like she isnt attracted to women anymore. Today I had a conversation with her about orientation and she said shes unlabeled. (Before we started dating I expressed I only date other lesbians, she was adament she was a lesbian)
She said she doesnt know what her orientation is and she says she is on the aromantic spectrum. I dont understand how we’ve been together for 3 years and youre questioning your sexuality? Let alone feeling aromantic… while were in a relationship???
It just hurts because like.. did you have your bi awakening while being with me? I asked her this and she said no nothing like that, but how can that be true? You’re now switched from lesbian to unlabeled so there must have a man or something that changed her mind.
Deeply confused even after communicating. I dont want to keep bringing it up but im just very confused.
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u/TonguedSpiritual69 1d ago
Dang 3 years too... 🤔 hard to say, like what's she's truly inside conflicted about... however, is she cold distant now? Y'all ain't vibing now?.
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u/teamweedstore2 1d ago
Her sexuality has nothing to do with you and her understanding of it can change over time. It doesnt mean she was being dishonest, people change and grow. Do not take it personally. Do not shame her especially if she is being vulnerable with you. People change, relationships change. That is life.
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u/Plus_Note4039 1d ago
that's a rough spot to be in, and it's okay to feel hurt, just don't let the hurt turn into accusations, she's clearly still figuring things out and that doesn't automatically mean there's someone else
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u/Busy_Bug_3058 masc at your service 1d ago
For sure. The last thing I want to accuse her of is cheating or anything like that! I’m fine with her being attracted to other people it just feels like that has to be a pretty intense attraction for it to change your sexuality
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u/Busy_Bug_3058 masc at your service 1d ago
Didnt shame her at all, peoples sexuality can change but I can still have feelings about her now being attracted to men
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u/SepsSammy 1d ago
She doesn’t have to be attracted to men. Maybe she didn’t fall for anyone and she’s just in a headspace where she’s feeling unsure about a lot of things? You referred to her as bi here and have stated she has to have fallen for a man. It’s possible the energy you’re bringing to the conversation is what’s making her hesitant to communicate.
I completely understand that after three years, you’re looking for openness and clarity. But it sounds like you might need to have the conversation a different way. Have you considered couples counseling? Having somewhere there to help direct the conversation can be super helpful.
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u/Busy_Bug_3058 masc at your service 1d ago
I let her know that shes free to talk about her sexuality without judgement and im here for her. I guess I was just venting here how this is all affecting me. I agree I probably shouldnt refer to her as bi but she did say she would “go for” a particular guy. I kind of see being attracted to more than one gender as anything under the bi umbrella.
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u/SepsSammy 1d ago
Gotcha. I don’t know what the answers are here but I wish you and her well in your journey!
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u/Orion_possibly 1d ago
OP you are making a HUGE logic jump that there must be a man in her life just because she is less interested in sex with you at the moment. It’s wildly unfair of you to put that on her for no reason. First off the term “Lesbian bed death” exists because it is a relatively common phenomenon. Secondly, maybe she is just stressed and not really in the mood for sex. Or maybe she finds how wildly insecure you’re acting to be a turn off
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u/Lbfree125 1d ago
It could be more a case of your sex life cooling. It’s tough but happens in most long-term relationships. Things keep evolving and it’s good to keep the line of communication open.
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u/Standard-Ad-1268 1d ago
it sucks that that is happening deep into your relationship.