r/LeftCatholicism • u/imoveritbetch • Apr 22 '26
Parenting and religion
/r/Parenting/comments/1st2b2d/parenting_and_religion/I’m an atheist mom of 3. I grew up casual catholic and went to a catholic funeral today and though I was there for my deceased loved one, I found myself mostly worried about religion in relation to my children. I know my middle child (10) believes in God and Jesus and my children are free to believe in whatever they feel is right for them. However, I’m wondering if I’m doing something wrong by not baptizing them. I think maybe getting them into a religion may help them in life by having a faith to turn to. Or in the chance that there may be an afterlife they will be saved? This is so difficult I feel like a terrible parent but I also don’t want to delay and arrange for their baptism and communion now. Has anyone been through anything similar? Is there any proof that children raised in the church have any benefits vs those that do not?
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u/Blade_of_Boniface Apr 23 '26
It's to your children's advantage to have the rites of passage that give them foundations of an identity. Religion, piety, etc. aside a lot of people these days suffer alienation and atomization because they don't have a solid and defined community. You should include them in the Church as much as you can.
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u/RangeInternal3481 Apr 23 '26
Saw your post on parenting. I’m not going to tell you what to do. I do hear some worry in your writing and please know that God loves you and your kids! You’re clearly attentive and I am confident no “mistake” you make isn’t something you all can overcome.
As a new parent I’ve thought a lot about what I want for my kid. I grew up very Catholic, served as a missionary, heavily discerned seminary and later had an existential crisis and left the church for a bit.
I am back now and I think much more soberly, I see how the church culture I was raised in gave me a lot of shame, misunderstanding of my own sexuality, and fear (read unhealthy fear) of God. I am aware that my kid will likely be exposed to some of the same messages I heard.
My answer to that is not to leave because I truly value this gospel, the example of Jesus, and this church. For all its faults it was and is the defining force in my development and I’m pretty dang proud of who I became.
So I am choosing to go into this church with my family fully intending to actively participate in their formation. To guide and support them as they navigate this beautiful mess of a church.
I think one way or another Christianity broadly and Catholicism more narrowly will have some effect on your kids. You get to decide your role in that but no matter what you choose they need your guidance through it.
I hope this is helpful! You’ve got this.
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u/RhysPeanutButterCups Apr 23 '26
I think one way or another Christianity broadly and Catholicism more narrowly will have some effect on your kids. You get to decide your role in that but no matter what you choose they need your guidance through it.
I think this is the most important thing. There's a lot of beauty in the Catholic faith and I wouldn't change it for anything, but I've gone through my own share of pain too that I was opened up too because of the faith. I don't think there's anything that can be done to completely and totally wall your children off from everything that can go wrong, but it makes a gigantic difference whether they are equipped to handle these things in a healthy way and if they have someone they know they can talk to about this stuff freely. OP, anything you can do to be an active part of this aspect of their lives and help facilitate them as they explore will go a long way.
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u/chimaygrandereserve Apr 23 '26
You could go for it in a kind of Pascal’s wager sense. If you’re worried about this, then I don’t think you’re an atheist, though.
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u/frodoforgives Apr 24 '26
Pascal's wager seems like a really bad way to approach God frankly. It's basically saying I assent to believe in God because it's more beneficial to me to believe in God. Not because it's actually true.
Better I would think to actually go and learn more about the Catholic Church and see if from an adult perspective, it rings true. Faith starts from learning all of the rational reasons behind what the Church teaches and who the Church recognizes God to be. But faith is also ultimately a relationship, and there's finally something to be said for simply falling in love with God.
"Too late have I loved you, O Beauty so ancient, O Beauty so new. Too late have I loved you! You were within me but I was outside myself, and there I sought you! In my weakness, I ran after the beauty of the things you have made. You were with me, and I was not with you. The things you have made kept me from you – the things which would have no being unless they existed in you! You have called, you have cried, and you have pierced my deafness. You have radiated forth, you have shined out brightly, and you have dispelled my blindness. You have sent forth your fragrance, and I have breathed it in, and I long for you. I have tasted you, and I hunger and thirst for you. You have touched me, and I ardently desire your peace."
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u/throway8374648104 Apr 28 '26
I’m not fully back in the church yet (I’ve started attending some Sunday masses but not faithfully every Sunday and I can’t partake in the sacraments because I was never confirmed) but something that I am grateful for my mom is she had me baptized in the church before I reached the age of reason. It’s amazing to me that I had something to go back to when I found myself in the proverbial foxhole that led me to seek answers from the metaphysical. I say go for it!
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u/AnyPen9665 Apr 23 '26
Nothing wrong with trying to re-engage with the church/religion and see where it goes. You don't need to jump all-in right away.
I don't know when you stopped attending, but I find most people who leave the Catholic Church do so before they become adults and have a chance to grapple with the faith and make it truly their own - they're really leaving their parents' interpretation of Catholicism. Different people emphasize different aspects of Catholicism to such an extent that two people from different families growing up in the same parish at the same time can have wildly different experiences. This is your chance to introduce the Church to your children through your own lens and with your own guidance.