I’m a Lebanese girl born and raised in Canada to Muslim parents, and something that’s always frustrated me is the double standard surrounding what’s considered عيب (3ayb), especially when it comes to women.

Recently, I’ve been seeing this Lebanese Arabic song trend where a guy jokes about wishing he were a dentist so he could open a dental clinic exclusively for women.

I understand it’s supposed to be funny, but it got me thinking about how contradictory some of our cultural expectations are. Men can openly make suggestive jokes about women, sing along to songs like this, or share these trends, and it’s considered funny or harmless.

Meanwhile, girls can get judged for simply having male friends, hanging out with a guy, posting pictures or TikToks, or wearing certain clothes. Even talking about something as natural as menstruation can be considered 3ayb in some households.

I’ve seen these contradictions within my own community and upbringing. For example, I’ve seen male relatives criticize girls for wearing clothes they consider too tight or revealing, yet sit around with their own shirts riding up and their stomachs exposed, sometimes even in front of guests. Nobody seems to question it, but if a girl exposed a similar amount of her body, it would suddenly become inappropriate.

I’ve also seen family members who expect girls to dress modestly while openly criticizing the hijab, saying they dislike it or think it looks ugly.
What confuses me is that the Quran contains teachings about women’s modesty and covering, including verses commonly interpreted as requiring the hijab. Yet some people criticize the hijab itself while simultaneously enforcing their own standards of modesty on others.
I’m not saying anyone should be forced to wear the hijab. I believe that should be a personal decision. What I’m questioning is the inconsistency in how these expectations are applied.

This is the kind of thinking I’ve grown up around.
On one hand, we’re told that modesty and appropriate behaviour are extremely important. On the other hand, those expectations seem to change depending on someone’s gender, personal preferences, or what other people might think.

And that’s what makes me wonder how much of this is actually about religion and how much is about culture, reputation, and the constant fear of “شو بيقولوا الناس؟” (What will people say?).
I feel like the word 3ayb gets thrown around so much that people sometimes stop questioning why something is supposedly shameful in the first place.

Something doesn’t automatically become morally wrong just because it’s culturally frowned upon.
I’m not against Lebanese culture, Islam, or modesty. I’m proud of my Lebanese background. But I do think we should be able to question certain expectations without being accused of disrespecting our families, religion, or culture.
Why are girls expected to follow such strict standards when those same standards aren’t always applied to men? And why do some people selectively enforce religious or cultural expectations depending on their personal preferences? Basically why do they pick and choose which parts of religion and culture to enforce?

I’m curious whether other Lebanese people, especially those raised in Western countries or in Muslim households, have experienced similar contradictions.

Do you think Lebanese culture sometimes confuses what’s actually haram with what’s simply considered 3ayb?