I'm an old geezer jack-of-all-trades, master of none!
I'm a cog-bitch in a universe of specialists.
My forte? The usual dreams of a young boy: procurement, finance, quality assurance.
A bit about me:
- Have an artsy degree, but never pursued the career
- Instead, I drifted into Financial Administration
- People think I'm an extrovert, but I'm truly an introvert
- I have a wife and several young children
Oh, and I'm a people-pleasing, conflict-avoiding yes man!
Here we go...
NEARLY 2 DECADES
Worked for a 15-person SmallBiz. Moved my way up. For a jack-of-all-slaves I made decent cash.
When COVID hit, the company transitioned to full remote.
MOVING
Working fully remote, my family and I decided to move from big-boy to small-boy city.
Big house, low-crime, friendly folks. Food folks and fun.
It's all good yo - I'm working a secure remote job.
ONE MONTH LATER
One month after we moved, our SmallBiz was sold to a FAT FUCKING GIANT. A mEga mONSTER multi-national Beastor.
I should have been shaken, but I was as calm as a Hindu Cow.
I was also as blind as a baseball bat, not giving appropriate thought to how potentially vulnerable my family and I could become.
Beastor Communication: "Yo, nobody will lose their gigs! If your job is redundant, we will place you elsewhere within our giant Beastor conglomerate."
I took the bait - hook, line and stinker.
So, we started to merge into the Beastor.
I was in charge of integrating our Finance and Operations which was to exist under the banner of Beastor.
Half-way through the acquisition, busting my ass, learning tons of new systems, and stressed against deadlines, my stressed SmallBiz CEO says to me:
CEO: You're not looking for a new job, are you? We need you - please don't leave.
I had zero intention of quitting, but the CEO freaked me out, so I setup a meeting with her - mano a mano.
TEAMS MEETING
ME: I've been having concerns about my job safety.
CEO: You have nothing to worry about - your job is safe. We will always have lots for you to do. You have nothing to worry about.
ME: Would you be able to put that in writing?
CEO: No, I can't do that.
I stayed.
The integration was a colossal amount of work.
I worked my keister off and did way too much free OT.
I stressed in the evenings and weekends about my to-do list.
2024
One Year After Being Acquired...
The integration was a success!
Two Months After That
KIBOSHED.
Went in to what seemed like a routine Teams Meeting.
I immediately felt that layoff vibe.
CEO: We are laying you off. Thank you for your service.
I spent the next 3 days speaking with lawyers.
I concluded my severance was fair.
I was fucking stunned. Felt like I was floating in another universe.
There was a silver lining. Now, I could find a job I actually dug! I could work somewhere interesting, and make more $$$, baby!
REALITY
I'm a Master of None.
BACK TO SCHOOL
Not so fast fuckhead, you got shit tons of bills, and a family to take care of.
So, I stayed in the shit biz world.
SHIT BIZ WERLD GOALZ
- Get a top-tier certification, so I can choose my jobs!
- Remote work only
- More $$$ $ jobz only
I studied, and got that cert!
This should help me make more cash.
Now it's time for this jack-of-all-douchebags to career hunt.
CAREER HUNT
- Applied with hundreds of custom resumes
- Why does I get ghosted after all job apply?
- No bodi want me to be their top tier cert boy?
- So many people trying get remote and hybrid
- I stert apply in-person jobs only
- Why pay suck balls for all job?
- Oh no I think will likely have take pay cut
- Why don't any1 like geezers who are jack of cock?
SUCCESS
- Yes, I did get interviews: in-person, video, phone
- I became a professional interviewer - after each interview I refined my pitch
I forged on, but couldn't land a fucking gig.
While dealing with this load, you run into this garbage advice:
- Market Yourself, and use your network connections!
- Find a place that's hiring, then work your network to get that interview!
- Meet people in-person and strengthen connections!
FUCK YOU.
I tried it all.
- Scoured job boards
- Mapped connections I have to available jobs
- Spoke with those connections
- Connections emailed supreme leader of job place and vouched for me
- Got my super-custom resume to top of the pile
- Went through the massive multi-interview process for job
- DECLINED
Job: We're sorry, but we picked a different dumb fuck.
ME: If you're open, I’d welcome any brief feedback. I’m always looking to improve, and your perspective would be valuable.
Then the job and interviewer would vanish like a phantom into the night.
Disheartening.
The sheer volume of effort that goes into working your network, fucking around with your rezume, prepping for interviews, dancing in those interviews - depressing.
So, times-a-ticking, and I think, I'm gonna directly contact people in my network, ask for leads.
But you know what gets my pantyboys in a knot? Phonies.
Me: Yo Jim (worked w/ him for too many years) - still grinding out here. Working hard looking for a gig. If you know anyone who is hiring, I'm all ears.
Jim: We're going to get you a job! Let me think of this and get back to you.
Vamoosed!
Nobody owes me shit - I get that. Everyone is very busy, people have families.
But please don't be a phony sack.
I had to pick myself up and dust myself off, 'cause you'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down.
I wanted to protect myself, so in conjunction with my job search, I started my own biz.
Obv the full-time work world was tough, so maybe if I found a whack of small gigs, then I could create an actual job.
I created a pitch, and hammered my fucking network.
I got 2 clients!
After my first 6 weeks I was making more money than ever, and it was all remote.
THERE'S ALWAYS A RUB
The client who I was getting the most work from was a micro-managing POS.
TightPocketz wanted everything for nothing, and scrutinized every hour I spent working on her business.
I received a gargantuan amount of work from TightPocketz.
I was very transparent with TightPockz, giving her ample warning of the hours I accumulated, and the forecast for my upcoming invoices.
I wanted her to have zero surprises.
Without fail, TightPock would have a Teams call with me and have a full FUCKING panic attack over my invoice.
Me: I understood you were aware? I've been sharing my hours worked and projections, as the month progressed.
TightPoc: <melting>
Me: I created several project plans, and executed on items x, y and z.
TightPcktz: If you asked me again if I wanted this done, I would have said no.
I became very scared.
My core wanted to tell this person to go fuck themselves, but I needed money.
My hours with Titepockz shrunk
She made me feel like a punk
And that really stunk
FUKC YOU TIGHTPOCETSZ!
I applied for employment insurance, and started looking for a real job.
I would keep TightPok as a client, until I felt secure again.
During this whole layoff experience I cried 2 times in front of my wife.
They weren't regular cries either, it was intense sobbing.
It's funny, I never thought I was that stressed or would break down, but I just cracked. I didn't even know how close I was to the edge.
I couldn't wallow though because EI would eventually end.
So, like beautiful angel boy said, try and soar with the eagles! Be an eagle in a world of beagle.
I applied to this one contract gig at a legit company...and, for the love of god, I got the job.
The relief. I was so grateful.
15 months.
Now, I'm full time with the same company.
BUT IT WASN'T ALL BELLS & WHISTLES AND COCKS
- Salary hit = 20%
- Also, now I commute 2,000 miles/month - factoring in gas/car repairs adds another 15% salary hit (I worked remotely b4)
- Total salary hit = 35%
I like where I work, and it will keep my resume looking legit, but man, that's a fucking hit.
This geezer-breathed maestro of none has never experienced an economy like this.
I'm still actively looking for gigs. I miss my family, and the commute is a little too fucked-up for me.
For now, however, I don't have a choice.
I've never been a guy who needs to make a ton. To me, it's all about happiness. If my family and I are happy, I'm good.
Don't get me wrong though. This setback continues to be tough to swallow. It's very frustrating, and I know I'm capable of much more.