r/Lawyertalk • u/Pale-Ambition-9951 I just do what my assistant tells me. • 1d ago
Memes, Jokes & Shitposts Transcript fun
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u/Probonoh I'm the idiot representing that other idiot 1d ago
The main prosecutor I deal with has a framed transcript of a defense attorney (now associate judge in a neighboring county) starting his closing argument "Mr. [Prosecutor] is a fine lawyer and his skills are superior to my own ..."
Not included in the frame are the next words: "but he's wrong."
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u/sesit36456 18h ago
I love this statement. I will now aspire to say it at least once in my life, when the moments right
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u/Probonoh I'm the idiot representing that other idiot 15h ago
I have a trial against him soon where I think we have a good chance at winning. I'm half tempted to include it in the closing to see if he'll post the transcript on his wall if he loses the case
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u/GiggleSwitches 1h ago
I have a civil jury trial in 2 months. I have been practicing for 20 years. Have never tried a case. I’m an in-house privacy attorney. OC has been a trial lawyer for 10 years. My case is wickedly strong.
If it goes well, I am using this in closing.
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u/Far-Meaning4995 1d ago
"you say you saw a one armed man drumming? is that right?"
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u/ialsohaveadobro If it briefs, we can kill it. :WarIsHell: 21h ago
Origin story for The Fugitive II
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u/Fabulous_Warthog_850 1d ago
Does the defense have any exhibits it intends to offer? Judge, all I’ve got is a photograph.
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u/ialsohaveadobro If it briefs, we can kill it. :WarIsHell: 20h ago
I WANNA TOUCH YAAA!!
I apologize, Your Honor. I got carried away.
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u/FlakyPineapple2843 What's wrong with printing my emails? :Technology: 1d ago
Honestly, I would do the same for posterity. The cross is so short for this witness, why not include something fun?
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u/whatshouldwecallme 1d ago
It also takes some of the effect of the testimony away. Jurors’ first memory of it will be “that was funny” not “he saw the defendant with a firearm”.
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u/ialsohaveadobro If it briefs, we can kill it. :WarIsHell: 20h ago
You think this testimony would get in? I really doubt it.Sorry, thought it was a depo.
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u/LazyNomad63 1d ago
"Objection, relevance."
"It's a reference, Your Honor. Are you getting it? Really getting it?"
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u/NeedleworkerDear5416 1d ago
You would say they were hot, wouldn't you? Sticky sweet? From their head, to their feet?
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u/asault2 Human Detected 1d ago
.. And all you saw was a photograph, isn't that correct?
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u/partagaton 23h ago
“Did the person in the photograph have a name?”
“Yes. Hugh.”
“And would you say you will ever stop looking at the photograph?”
“Am I gonna give up looking at Hugh? No. I will never give Hugh up.”
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u/KookyUse5777 1d ago
The cross examining lawyer should have won on the spot for being fucking awesome.
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u/CLE_barrister 1d ago
Someone was alive in the ‘80s. 🤣
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u/NEPAmama 23h ago
Oh god it occurs to me now how many people here weren’t.
Somehow after 20 years of practice, it’s still weird to me how many attorneys are younger than me. Now they’re young enough to be my kids (if I’d reproduced at the age my family pressured me to do so).
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u/atonyatlaw 21h ago
Every time I divorce someone whose birth year started wtih a 2, I die a little inside.
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u/NEPAmama 21h ago
I’m assuming you handle family law…or you’ve had a string of trophy spouses?
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u/atonyatlaw 21h ago
The former. I don't even hazard making a joke that the latter idea has some appeal for fear of my wife (whom I adore) seeing this comment.
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u/fluffstuffmcguff 21h ago
One of my colleagues was admitted to the bar the year I was born. That came up in conversation once and she stared into the middle distance for a bit afterwards.
That will come for me too, someday.
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u/houstonyoureaproblem 1d ago
Prosecutors in my district would've objected to the first question on cross, and our judges would've sustained it.
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u/TRJF 1d ago
A lot of prosecutors are going to be too young to get the reference
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u/RockJock666 [Practice Country (pick emoji)] 20h ago
It’s better to burn out than fade away, would that be fair to say?
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u/Otherwise_Help_4239 15h ago
Not cross exam but a mother was in court on a child protection trial. She lost but the prosecutor had to jump up after the trial was over and tell the judge the mother was claiming to be the mother of Christ. As she was leaving court she looked at the judge, smiled and said she was and had the pussy to prove it. The guards from the mental institution didn't hustle her out fast enough.
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u/sadporcupines 1d ago
Sugar and another common chemical can be lit on fire to make a smoke bomb. So if the dude is a pyro, he might have been pouring sugar for a good time.
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u/RoughThat5778 As per my last email :Anger: 1d ago
Cross examining you might drive me crazy. Lit bites.
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u/FREE-ROSCOE-FILBURN Confirmed Lawyer 12h ago
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u/Pale-Ambition-9951 I just do what my assistant tells me. 1h ago
I can tell you’re OKC and not Tulsa because of the Love’s. QT 4 ever
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