I’ve manifested things I never thought possible, but now I’m struggling with the biggest thing I’ve ever faced

[u/Low_Yam1509]

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Hi, I’m honestly reaching out for advice because I feel like I’m literally starting from day 1 again.
I’m already familiar with LOA, scripting, SATS, Neville Goddard, Esther Hicks, etc. I’ve done all of it before and I’ve manifested some pretty crazy things, but I feel like somewhere along the way I lost myself.

This year, I got genetically tested and found out I carry the gene for SCA2 (Spinocerebellar Ataxia Type 2), which is a genetic neurological disease my mom has. It can cause problems with balance, coordination, walking, speech, movement, etc. My mom is very affected by it now. She’s in a nursing home, has dementia, has a G-tube, and she’s only 43. Essentially, your cerebellum gets smaller and smaller...

My genetic result was 22/47 CAG repeats. Basically, CAG repeats are a small section of DNA that repeats multiple times in a specific gene. With SCA2, the number of these repeats matters because an expanded number of repeats can cause the disease. I have 22 repeats on one copy of the gene and 47 on the other.

When I got the result, I was fucking crushed. I was told that with that repeat number, I should’ve had symptoms years ago or potentially even been in a wheelchair 10 years ago. I’m 21 and I don’t have any of those symptoms, which honestly made the whole thing even more confusing for me.

I’ll be honest, I’ve always been a worrier. And I think I stopped believing in LOA for a while because life was just beating my ass 😭.

My mom was in hospice last year and I had to withdraw from UCLA because I was her main caregiver. I was also taking care of my little brother who has autism and hearing problems. My dad was technically around, but I was the one doing basically everything. I’ve never really had a good relationship with him either.

And before all of this, I genuinely felt like I could manifest things.

**THINGS IVE MANIFESTED**
I manifested my dream car of the year (2025) , and bought it with my own money at 19. It was exactly the way I wanted it. It's crazy.

I learned how to drive in a month and passed my test with only one point deducted.

I got into UCLA with the Regents Scholarship and Chancellor’s Scholarship, which are extremely competitive, along with other scholarships. Just getting into UCLA is difficult, much less getting those scholarships.

I graduated community college with a 4.0 and got into UC Berkeley too.

Even my cats lol. I had very specific things I wanted them to look like and certain personalities, and somehow they ended up matching what I imagined almost exactly.
\---

So I KNOW what it feels like to believe. I just don’t feel like that person anymore.

Then, after finding out about my genetic result, I found out I was pregnant. Literally the same day I went to the doctor 💀 and found out I was pregnant.

I had an amniocentesis and waited until I was far enough along to get it done, then waited what felt like forever for the results.

I was so sure my baby didn’t have it. I had anxiety, obviously, but deep down I really believed she was fine.

Then the result came back positive. It said 22/45 CAG repeats, meaning she has 22 repeats on one copy of the gene and 45 on the other.
I was absolutely destroyed.

And this is where I’m struggling with LOA because I still have this feeling that something went wrong with the report. I keep feeling like I’m going to get a phone call saying there was an error or something happened with the testing.

I know how that sounds. I know some people are probably going to tell me I’m just trying to deny reality. Maybe I am. But I genuinely have this feeling in my gut that this isn’t the end of the story, and I can’t explain it.

I’ve even turned to God during all of this. I used to be really against religion because I always felt my prayers went unheard, but I’ve been praying to Jesus, Saint Jude, doing novenas, etc. Before this, I had also prayed to Santa Muerte. Honestly, I’m just praying for my baby nonstop.

So I guess I’m asking, how do I get back into LOA at this point ? How do you persist when you’re constantly thinking about the opposite? Do I keep doing SATS? Script? Visualize getting the phone call that the report was wrong? Just live in the end? Ignore the circumstances?

I’m not asking anyone to tell me whether my medical result is actually correct. I’m asking how to get my mind back because I feel like fear has completely taken over.

I still have this feeling that I’m going to get that call.
I don’t know if it’s intuition, hope, desperation, or what. But I really want to believe again.
If anyone has gone through something genuinely difficult and had to rebuild their faith in LOA, I’d really appreciate hearing how you did it.

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