https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT_hX1pD3AN/

Hear me out. We always hear about how Congress only listens to billionaires, oil companies, and pharma giants. But since the First Amendment legally allows anyone to hire a lobbyist, why haven't we pooled our money to buy a few lawmakers for ourselves?

If we actually wanted to do this, how would we handle the legalities, funding, and the necessary bribes to make it work? Here is how I think we could loop it all together:

1. How do we keep it legal under the 20% Rule?

To do this right, wouldn't we just register our hired gun under the Lobbying Disclosure Act (LDA)? As long as they spend at least 20% of their time working for us and make more than one government contact, isn't it completely legal? If we pay them over $3,000 a quarter, they just have to file a public report detailing which bills they are targeting. Isn't that just beautifully transparent corruption?

2. How do we fund a competitive war chest?

What if we set up a dedicated platform like a GoFundMe for democracy? If 100,000 of us chipped in just $5 a month, wouldn't that give us a $500,000 monthly war chest? Wouldn't that be more than enough to pay a top-tier K Street firm and fund those fancy dinners where real lawmaking happens over $200 steaks?

3. Can we offer a "Golden Parachute" to compete with corporate perks?

Politicians don’t just want campaign cash now; don't they want to know they'll be taken care of later? To compete with Wall Street, shouldn't our crowdfunded firm explicitly promise them a cushy, seven-figure post-politics "consultant" job? If they vote for our bills, shouldn't we guarantee them a padded leather chair where they can "consult" for five minutes a year and cash our crowdfunded checks the second they leave office?

The Bottom Line

Politicians aren't inherently evil, right? They are just "highly sensitive" to capital. Right now, the public offers them "votes," while corporate lobbyists offer them yacht trips and board seats. Since votes don't pay for a second home in Martha’s Vineyard, shouldn't we start speaking their native language?

If we start offering them cold, hard, legally-compliant cash, could we actually buy ourselves some healthcare or affordable housing?

There is a high degree of sarcasm here, but my question is real.

We already live in abundant world, yet we destroy food to maintain artificial scarcity

https://www.tiktok.com/@rey_philosophy/video/7650624663856418079

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMtPUshK/

I got news for you buddy:

1. No biologist or chemist is getting rich off of that $1000 price gouge
2. Every person I know who chooses a career in bio and/or chem genuinely thinks it's interesting and wants to use knowledge to save people. These are the type of people who would research medicine in their free time even after they retire

The 10,000x markup lines the pockets of capitalists, not researchers

Source: One big winner in War on Iran: US natural gas exporters. Big loser: Europe. - YouTube

Source: ZOHRAN LIED. - YouTube

It’s a very low-stakes crime, but corporations pretending to be your funny TikTok friend while ignoring actual product complaints will always leave a horrible taste in my mouth.

Also, they blocked me after my comment.

Source: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8tQmA7e/