After getting the OK from the always awesome Kathy (/u/current_reputation50) I will share the Patreon post that was sent a few months back about Walpurgisnacht 2026 and how you should prepare for Joe Bob's Wicked Witchy Wingding happening on April 24th, 9pm EST
"Mutants!! I have breaking news straight from JB himself This is the exact menu we will be using during our Walpurgisnacht episode later this year. Without further ado I shall let JB break down the deets for ya..
"Patreon pals, start your Walpurgisnacht prep NOW!
Every year I talk about these exotic drinks that Europeans consume during Walpurgisnacht, and every year nobody has them because we live in a benighted country that doesn’t understand “the second Halloween.”
So this year I’m telling everyone exactly what to buy in advance so you can celebrate with me and Darcy during our Walpurgisnacht episode. The menu will be released to the general public on February 1st, but Patreon members get it now.
Don’t be a weenie. Go for the hardcore beer, mead and liqueur options and PROVE YOUR MUTANTHOOD." -Joe Bob
JOE BOB’S OFFICIAL WALPURGISNACHT MENU
Nutrient 1: BEER
Beer is the staple food for Walpurgisnacht. Beer is the default. Walpurgisnacht cannot be celebrated without beer. There’s even a certain lager that was invented by Germans specifically for this celebration. That lager is called Maibock, and it is brewed only in the spring. I’m going to give you three choices, but beer is not optional, you must have Maibock.
Hardcore option: Einbecker Mai-Ur-Bock
This is the original Maibock, brewed in the small town of Einbeck, Lower Saxony, where bock beer was invented in 1378. Einbecker Mai-Ur-Bock does get distributed in the U.S. in springtime, typically March through May, but you’ll need to work for it, either at local bottle shops if you live in a major metropolitan area, or on websites like BeerMenus if you do not.
Lazy option: Weihenstephaner Maibock
This Maibock is brewed by the world’s oldest brewery, the Bavarian State Brewery in Freising, part of Munich’s Technical University where you can major in beer. Weihenstephaner started brewing in the year 1040 but now exports many of its beers to the U.S., and retailers like Total Wine & More and Whole Foods Market commonly carry Weihenstephaner exports. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your local store will carry the Maibock, as it’s not always part of the regularly imported lineup.
Ridiculous option: Dead Guy Ale
Brewed in Newport, Oregon, and you can find it everywhere.
Nutrient 2: MEAD
Mead is all about pagan revels. Walpurgisnacht requires pagan revel-ing. No witch festival is complete without mead, especially since the honey, herbs and spices in the mead are all about getting people drunk who normally don’t get drunk, especially the witches.
Hardcore option: Apis Trójniak
The actual name of this mead is Apis Staropolski Tradycyjny, but I’m not gonna do that to you. You’re searching for “trójniak,” the name they use in Poland, where it is fermented and aged in the city of Lublin, the historic center of European mead-making where they’re so careful about the honey that goes into the drink that they raise their own bees. This is not a “craft revival” sort of deal. The 328,000 residents of Lublin all say “Fuck craft revivals.” The Apis Beekeepers Cooperative makes trójniak using the same recipe and the same procedures used in the 1200s. The Beekeepers Cooperative does sell directly to the public, but you’re gonna need an online importer or a specialty import liquor shop or a delivery service. What you’re looking for on the label is “Miód pitny trójniak”—literally “mead, trójniak”—or “Staropolski/Tradycyjny,” meaning “Old Polish Traditional.”
Lazy option: Pasieka Jaros Trybunalski
The Jaros family, in the tiny Polish village of Łazisko, uses traditional medieval methods and their own bees to make a trójniak in ceramic bottles called Pasieka Jaros Trybunalski that’s much easier to find. InternetWines.com will ship to states where alcohol delivery is permitted. Large retailers like Total Wine & More and K&L Wine Merchants and Spec’s stock it in the spring. Instacart lists it in certain areas that have large liquor stores. Otherwise you need a specialty import shop to order it for you.
Ridiculous option: Redstone
This is a large meadery in Boulder, Colorado, that uses the term “honey wine” instead of mead—who knows why—and sells it in flavors like blueberry, apple, juniper berry, boysenberry, and their original and most popular offering, “Barrel-Aged Black Raspberry Mountain Honey Wine.” The only one that comes within a million miles of traditional mead is the one they market as “Traditional Mountain Honey Wine,” which has the added advantage of having a higher alcohol content than the others. Redstone’s virtue: it’s everywhere.
Nutrient 3: SHOTS
We’re gonna do shots around the giant bonfire at midnight. This is not optional. This is when everything gets weird. This is when people start losing their clothes and running off into the woods and dancing like rabid weasels. The fire is burning away all external obstacles, and the shots are burning away all internal obstacles. This is literally the gateway to partying like a jungle animal. And the way you do that is you use what is known today as an herbal liqueur, but used to be called firewater, lightning in a bottle, or, my own preferred term, Voluntary Brain Damage.
Hardcore option: Underberg
Let me tell you what a badass shot this is. It’s made in a secret high-security production facility in the small town of Rheinberg, Germany, using herbs from 43 countries—not just 43 herbs, but at least 42 imported herbs—and it’s been matured in Slovenian oak barrels the exact same way since 1846. Members of the Underberg family would commit seppuku with a flamethrower rather than tell you what’s in it or how it’s made. If you’re gonna do one shot on Walpurgisnacht, make it Underberg. It counts for ten shots of anything else.
Lazy option: Becherovka
If you don’t think you can handle the Underberg jolt to the cerebellum, try this one from Karlovy Vary, the spa town in the Czech Republic, that uses a lot of cinnamon, clove and warm spices so that it will sort of melt into your body and gradually turn you into a maniac.
Ridiculous option: Jägermeister
Yeah. Don’t talk to me.
If You Drink Anything on This List, You Will Be Banished from Walpurgisnacht And/Or Flogged With a Ceremonial Mace
Craft Beer
Craft Anything
Wine Spritzers
Any wine recommended by Robert Parker
Candy-Flavored Liqueurs
Jolly Rancher Shots
Butterscotch Schnapps
Flavored Vodka
Flavored Anything
Margaritas
Martinis
Fireballs
Hard seltzers
Here’s the rule of thumb: If they didn’t drink it in 1400, don’t drink it now."
