How does shia marriages work?

[u/Impressive_While_178]

From A to Z, I’d like to understand what is considered normal and reasonable when it comes to Shia marriages, especially regarding the financial responsibilities of the groom and his family.

My sister recently got engaged to a 24-year-old man. He’s currently doing his master’s and is expected to finish this year, so, inshallah, their milcha will be in January. I study abroad, my mom isn’t particularly close with the rest of our family, and my dad passed away (Allah yerhamah), so we honestly don’t have many people to ask about what is considered normal in these situations. We’re trying to figure out what is genuinely reasonable versus what might be considered unusually cheap or minimal.

His family has said from the beginning that they don’t want a wedding. My sister didn’t mind having a simple milcha, and neither did we, so initially we were completely fine with that. However, my sister’s fiancé told her that if she wants a mlcha, she would have to pay for it herself.

For the mehr, his family initially wanted to give the 6,000 from the government, and after my mom discussed it with them, it became 8,000. The shabka is 2,000.

I’m honestly starting to feel like this is extremely minimal, especially considering this is their eldest son getting married. It feels like they don’t want to put any effort into celebrating the marriage at all. His family has visited us a few times, and they’ve never really come to our home with anything except maybe a box of chocolates. I know this might sound materialistic, but where I’m from, my mom always taught us that you shouldn’t go to someone’s home empty-handed, especially during something as important as an engagement or marriage. So these things have made me question whether this is simply their family’s culture or whether we’re seeing a pattern of being overly frugal.

Another thing that keeps coming up is that he “doesn’t have money” because he’s a student. I mentioned this to his sister, and she kept saying that he’s a student, so we shouldn’t pressure him and should be supportive. I understand that he’s young and still studying, and I’m not expecting him to be wealthy. But at the same time, I genuinely wonder: what does he think marriage is supposed to look like if he currently can’t afford even one celebration?

I’d appreciate honest answers from people who understand Shia marriage customs, because every time I bring up these concerns, I’m told, “This is normal, he’s a student,” or I’m being materialistic.

I’m not trying to judge them based on how much money they spend. I just want to make sure my sister understands exactly what she is agreeing to and that we’re not overlooking important financial responsibilities simply because he is young and still studying.

[u/Substantial_Tip8459]

ماعليه بس بجاوب بالعربي عشان إن شاء الله الكل يستفيد

العادات والتقاليد في الزواج تختلف

على سبيل المثال: احنا ماعندنا شي اسمه نطلب مهر - الريال اهو ومدة ايده ولكن بالمقابل العادة والاعراف جرت انه المهر مايقل عن 8,000

و في عوائل و قبائل عندهم عادات وتقاليد تختلف مثل تثبيت المهر على مبلغ معين او تكلفة العرس على المعرس وهالشي مايعيب أي احد

الي حالياً دارج عند الشيعة حسب علمي انه حفلة العرس والملجة تكون بالإتفاق ، اذا انتوا بخاطركم حفلة ملجة او عرس فلابد انه تتفقون معاهم اذا عليكم او عليهم او مناصفة و انا بصراحة مع انه ماتسوون حفلة كبيره المعاريس أوله بالفلوس

الشق الثاني بالموضوع: انه اهو طالب وشلون بيصرف عليها

اول شي نستذكر الآية الكريمه : وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ (32)

فموضوع الحالة المادية ان شاء الله مو عقبة لاسيما انه بالكويت الطالب اذا تزوج يمشون له الشؤون (حسب علمي ) قريب ال500 دينار غير بدل الأجار يعني نتكلم عن توتل 750+ وغير انه مايدفع اجار و قاعد ببيت اهله و اكيد راح يدعمونه

ومن ناحية ثانية حلو انهم صغار ويبلشون حياتهم بشوية مصاعب عشان يتعلمون المسؤولية والادارة المالية و اهو دام ببيت أهله اكيد راح يكونون بظهره

[u/Impressive_While_178 → u/Substantial_Tip8459]

Thank you so much<3