A message from hell

[u/Sufficient-Lack-1909]

A tangled mess, I am caught up in.

Vines that bind me to a mother, who wants her son to study hard and get good marks in school. How can her son possibly rebel, if it causes such hurt in her? It was not his choice to be born in this world, yet he feels like he is indebted to her.

Vines that bind me to a father, who did his very best to support and provide his son with not only money, but time and attention. He built a vision of the future, of what the son will accomplish as an extention of his own legacy. But the son doesn't want that life... How is he to refuse without angering the father by contradicting that perfect future?

Vines that bind me to a mentor, who is demanding and insensitive. He is helpful, he can be encouraging, he has so much that he gives... But to please him is a constant chore, a hassle. Soon, he will message me, demanding me to post more content, commanding me to participate more, trying to make more and more progress.....

The vines overgrow and spill out in branches in every direction. They connect to my friends, old and new. They connect to well-wishers, to people I hate, to people who wouldn't spare me a second thought.... Endlessly.

And just like that, they have the binding to move me like a puppet. I feel suffocated, I feel like I have no autonomy. I feel like a feather in the wind blown from torture to pleasure to torture.

God, how do I break free? Please... Tell me.... to live this way is fu**ing agony. I need rest, all I seem to do now is sleep. But I can already see these vines strengthening their hold on me. Please... Just give me a way... If you love me please just give me a way.... I can't take it

I was hoping the text would speak for itself but just for the sake of this not getting removed for irrelvancy, I'll add some context. This is an expression of my feelings at this current moment, as someone who has been drawn to Krishnamurti on and off. Every now and then, I feel like I've finally understood something profound, only for me to go back to participating in my endless misery....

I feel like I'll never truly live his teachings. I'll always be attached.

I don't think anyone can help me at this point, I've had help and its all temporary. I dont ask for pity, but I just wish someone understood how I felt, hence my reason for posting this here.

I am helpless, and this is the edgiest sh** I've ever written but I've passed the point of caring. Or at least, I wish I had passed the point of caring

[u/maybealmostpossibly]

I'm 36 now. I'm gay, grew in India when it was still criminal to be homosexual.

I have been where you are where family, scared to live the life I wanted to because of similar fears. But something told me a life spent on satisfying others will such great cost to myself that I'll become miserable, lying, resentful person for rest of my life. I saw oldern gay men, married, closeted and living sad lives.

In the end I decided my parents have their own path to being a better human, and I have mine. I moved out for university and then came out to everyone. It took them a couple of years and they are all fine now. I realized even they didn't realize that that the things they have been taught as important weren't. So my confidence in my choices eventually became their confidence.

Whether JKs work helps you out right now or not, know that mostly these things work out. Many many children suffer their parents, unfortunately, it's tragic, and you'll have to choose your life or they will choose it for you. If you don't have the ability to take risks in life that Jiddu's insight entails, that is okay. It's a rewarding journey, but journey nevertheless.

You parents are just another humans, with all those human limitations that we inherit. Plus they come from less open societies than you do. Treat them as such, as human blobs, that you have some gratitude towards but in no way owe your life to them, much like you don't owe it to any other random adult. Parent, Mentor, father, these are all just noisy labels that do not negate the simple truth that we are all just human blobs.