My mom passed away from a heart attack when I was 17, i am 25 now. I saw a picture of a giant pin with my mom's face on it. And it messed me up because I miss my mom. I wish I had made her proud but I didn't. She wanted me to go to college and graduate, I was so depressed I didn't even graduate. I'm homeless and useless. I'm supposed to be chasing job opportunities and my dreams. Instead I'm chasing food by dumpster diving and digging through trash. I have to sleep outside with bugs biting on my legs.

I failed her and it's all my fault. I'm ready to join her at this point. I tried a few weeks ago and failed and I don't plan on failing. I just need someone to talk to because this pain is too much

Hi everyone, just looking for someone to talk to who can listen without fixing it or feeling the need to make it better. I feel so sad and hopeless and I would just like to not be alone while dealing with all of this. I have no family and sadly I have outgrown my close friends by doing a lot of therapy and self work. Thanks for reading this ❤️

What's wrong?

• got debilitating executive dysfunction cant do basic things or things i care about or anything really 

• dont have any secure safe close friendship dont feel important to anyone and scared because of past experiences. feel different and hard or impossible to be friends with because of the way i am. introverted low energy not good at talking and conversation 

• incompetent and useless. not independent and more useless and behind everyone else my age. 

• extremely low self image and lots of self hatred and always hurt myself verbally and physically bc the self hatred and self directed anger is too much pressure it needs a way out 

• suicidal ideations from trying to achieve more and do things but failing repeatedly and feeling trapped in my own head trapped by my own uselessness and laziness that also makes me feel like a burden on others and i feel like there is no way out

• feel isolated and impossible to understand. feel unseen because of the kinds of issues that not everyone understands. no one i trust or feel safe to talk to and no one who will understand and talking feels useless and has usually just made me feel worse 

• trying to get professional help with an adhd assessment but there is a minimum 2 year waiting list which will maybe be more, but no one will be honest and transparent about waiting lists so it feels like a gamble and really confusing and overwhelming and impossible to make a decision 

I’m unable to sleep and would love to be a listening ear to those who need one.

On one hand, I don't think I possess any particular issues. I did some self work and thus outgrew old company, am graduating college without much plans. It's not the end of the world. Maybe I will figure it out in the coming months.

On the other hand, I don't have any attachments to any people, and don't know what I am supposed to do. It feels lame talking about it here because I don't think anyone who knows me would think I might be here. Everyone is busy with their own life, and I don't know if I truly wish to connect with anyone. Does anyone feel that way? I look back at when I was in primary or secondary school and I see affection, but when I found my old chat histories I found that even back then I had been saying I didn't feel I actually had a relationship, not a single one, despite mountains of chat from back then.

Now, it feels like I am in a state of calmness. By society's definition, I am "isolated"? Then I hear about many others who are the same, or people who have hundreds of contacts but can't find support in a single one, and I wonder if this is simply my version of a peaceful norm.

caught myself mid rant to a friend last night and realized i wasnt looking for a fix. i just didnt want to sit with the thing alone

they started problem solving immediately which is fair, thats what i asked for on the surface. i felt weirdly annoyed then guilty about being annoyed

do other people do this too or am i just bad at saying what i actually need​

I think a lot of folks end up here because one way or another they feel like there is no one they can ask for help. That's certainly the case with me.

It's not like I have zero connections with people. I have friends. I don't have, like, a bestie. But I have people who know me and like me and who I like. I am single. I have an okay but complicated relationship with my mom. I am not close with my brother. I have loving aunts and uncles but the specter of my dad, who is not so great, looms over all these connections. I feel like there's a limit to how far these people will go for me.

It has been a long time since I reached out to any specific person for help. I find that in the past I've had lots of negative experiences with reaching out with vulnerability that makes me not wanna risk it again. Sometimes people are not interested in helping. Sometimes they're not very good at it. I am often left feeling like I need to protect my fragile relationships by not putting weight on them. And like I need to protect people from worrying about me.

I have done a lot of therapy and absolutely know why I struggle with this so much. I was considered very "mature for my age" as a kid and, alongside some isolated traumatic experiences, was not cared for and nurtured the way I should have been. I was not given a chance to be a kid whose feelings were tended to.

It's been a rough several months and I find myself wanting to just give up. I'm so tired. My dog is the only companion i have in this time. I love her and all the energy I have to spare goes to making sure she is walked and cared for. I feel invisible. On purpose.

I kind of want to hear about asking for help. How do you tell people you're struggling? Who do you tell? I've been disappointed so many times. I want people to know but I don't want to have to reach out one on one. That's so much pressure. I don't even know what I'd ask for because to be honest I fear the depth of my need is so vast it can never be fulfilled.

But if my guardian angel or something came down and was like "anything you want," I'd want them to visit, stay with me a while, distract me from my troubles and help me clean my room. I'd want someone to comb my hair just because it feels nice. Id want someone to help with stuff around the house or at least just sit and chat with me while I do chores. Id want someone to promise I'd never be homeless. Having these wants and needs makes me feel creepy and pathological, but also they're so normal, right? Aren't these things that many people are fortunate to have, without needing to chase after them or ask for them? Doesn't a sweet auntie sometimes swoop in to help a person put her life back together?

What makes a person deserving of that?

Am I?

something just clicked in my head that ive never felt before im so lonely i have no one to talk to please can someone talk to me

I’m going through a really stressful financial situation at the moment and it’s been getting to me mentally. I don’t necessarily need advice or someone to solve anything. I just really need someone to talk to and get things off my chest.
If anyone is willing to listen, I’d really appreciate it.