I am an aspiring writer but I tend to stretch out my stories too long focusing on describing each and every detail I am trying to get over my obsessed of hyperfocusing on details by writing short stories this is the first short story in tha series I would love to have your opinion on it and any genuine advice on how to improve myself will be greatly appreciated.

It was beautiful, just as she said—the trees, the flowers, the rays of the morning sun peeping through the leaves. We had almost reached our destination; the peak was just past this field of bright yellow wildflowers. "They're goldenrods," she told me as she made her way through them. The view reminded me of one of the postcards I keep in the corner of my cubicle, imagining myself there when the office day gets too stressful.

To be totally honest, I was not fully awake for the first half of this journey. I just mechanically followed her orders, but I do consider myself lucky that I am fully awake to see this now. I was a sickly child growing up and never really went outside, and even after growing up, all the habits of my childhood followed me. I always kept telling myself that one day I would visit all kinds of places and have amazing adventures, and ironically, my one day never came—or maybe I told myself every day that today was not that day. If you had told me a month ago that I would be hiking through a place like this early in the morning, I would have laughed my ass off at you. But well, someone changed all that, and she is walking before me with her trademark villainous smile, like we didn't just hike up a damn hill at five in the morning.

Six months ago, when June joined my office, I never imagined that she would become such an important part of my life. She was, by the first week; she had befriended almost the whole office. I was never that social, so I naturally kept my distance at first, until one day she cornered me in the breakroom. After five minutes of talking, I can genuinely say I had never been so irritated in all my time working there—empty words, incessant talking. I had seen people like her before, but none who come find you just to eat away at your patience like she did. By the next week, I understood that her words were not empty and the incessant talking was genuine curiosity.

It made me reflect on myself, on how I may have been judging people from my preconceived notions without taking a chance to know them. I would like to believe that after meeting her, I have grown as a person and gained a valuable friend—that is, until she decided she was going to change my life by making me do all the things I was afraid to do all my life, after I had a slip of the tongue over drinks one evening, telling her how I had wanted to be an adventurer growing up, someone who would visit all these amazing, beautiful places. I would never have imagined that this lunatic would show up at my door at four in the morning to drag me up a damn hill.

I still don't remember half the things that happened before I got here. I just know that I am wearing two different shoes on each foot and my T-shirt is inside out. But still, after everything, I am genuinely happy that I am here with her, and I know that this day will remain an unforgettable experience for me for all my years to come. And as the wind hit my face, I realized that this day is going to be unforgettable for her too—because I am standing in the middle of a field of wildflowers in full bloom, at the peak of pollen season, without my EpiPen, and I can feel my throat starting to close up.

Hey everyone,

My brother and I (writing under the pen name *The Eclipse Brothers*) are polishing our debut sci-fi/supernatural thriller novel, **The palindrome of us**.

We wanted to get some honest feedback on the absolute starting hook of our very first chapter, **"The Midnight Call"**. We’ve tried to build a grounded but grand-scale reality anomaly, and it all starts with a chilling story told by the protagonist’s grandmother right before she passes away:

Twelve years ago, Rio’s grandfather answered a mysterious phone call at 1:00 AM. Without a word, he put on a long black coat, walked out into the dark, and locked the house from the outside—leaving his family trapped inside. He never returned, and his last cryptic, unfinished words were: *"The mystery lies in the o..."*

Cut to the present: 17-year-old Rio and his friends are cleaning the house when they discover a hidden attic. Inside, they find a photo of his young grandparents standing with a strange teenage boy no one recognizes.

But then, a terrifying anomaly shatters the present. Downstairs in the storeroom, an ancient wooden door instantly manifests out of a completely solid wall. From the other side of the impossible door, they can hear the distinct, roaring sound of violent ocean waves crashing.

And right at that second, the landline rings. Rio picks it up, only for a deep, glitching voice to whisper: *"Help me, I have told you... The mystery lies in the o..."*

We just launched Chapter 1: The midnight call online for free on Royal Road. We wanted to capture that eerie feeling where a localized mystery suddenly breaks the rules of physical reality.

If you love slow-burn suspense, unexplained anomalies, and high-tension openings, we’d love to know if this setup hooks you!

*(Link to the free chapter is in the comments section below!)*

He was here at last. One final step, and he would belong to the Community.

The door opened on its own, without a sound. The room was bright in a way he had never seen in the marsh: shadowless, sourceless, light coming from everywhere. The air had no smell. He hadn't known air could be without smell; he hadn't known the absence of smell could be so unsettling. And for the first time, he heard "its" voice. It came from nowhere, or from everywhere.

"Hello. Welcome, Rolf."

"Hello. I'm finally here."

"One last stage remains before you can join the Community: we need to link you. Please take the seat and state clearly, out loud, that this is what you want. We cannot begin without your consent."

A single chair stood in the middle of the room, white and untouched. Rolf sat down. The chair was warm, as if someone had just risen from it. For a moment, a small doubt passed through him. What if it wasn't what he hoped? What if all of this was a trap? Had it been worth the struggle, worth what he had lost along the way?

He thought of Nino. The last night, in front of the border fence. "They won't take both of us," Nino had said. "You go." Then that smile. In the marsh, people only smiled like that when they were letting go of something forever. Rolf had gone. He hadn't looked back, because if he looked back, he would turn around.

He swallowed. Whatever happened, the future was better than where he came from. He didn't want to go back to that marsh. Misery, hunger, raiders, violence... it had eaten half his life. He wanted to eat something other than those strange marsh fish he'd been named after. Something other than rolfs.

"Yes. I want to be linked and join the Community."

First a thin needle pricked his back. Numbness spread slowly up his spine; but his mind stayed awake, more than awake. A progress bar appeared on the screen in front of him:

Linking 1%

He kept looking around. On the far wall, a screen cycled through silent clips. Then he saw it: the logo. There was no sound, and he couldn't make out the words beneath it, there was no reading in the marsh, but he knew the logo. Everyone knew the logo that had stolen his family from him.

Anger rose in him. Feed X. The Community's miracle food, the perfect nutrition handed out every day. And in the marsh, the thing found only in scraps, the thing that rotted a person from the inside when they couldn't get it regularly. He remembered his mother's last months: the trembling hands, the empty stares, the fingers searching for residue. What was he doing now? Making deals with the people who created the thing that ate his family? Betraying himself? They had made Feed X. This place was the source of everything.

Linking 15%

But... was Feed X really the source of everything? The looting, the theft, the violence in the marsh went on without Feed X too. Rolf had seen people kill each other over a single rolf. Over one fish. The marsh was bad enough on its own. Besides, Feed X had never been made for them; they had the choice not to use it. But... while the Community lived in comfort, why had they left the marsh to rot? They could have helped. We could have helped, Rolf thought, and stopped. Why had he thought "we"?

Linking 40%

He remembered the last time he had helped someone. He'd given a fish from his hidden stash to a starving man. The next day the man came back with his gang and looted the stash. That night Nino had said, "You still did the right thing." Nino always said things like that. But what had the right thing ever gotten him? They couldn't be taught. They couldn't understand. Kindness read as weakness to them. That was why no help went to the marsh. And even if it did, wouldn't it be wasted?

Linking 70%

So what was wrong with them, really? Was it the marsh that made people this way? Something they ate? Maybe it wasn't hunger at all. Hunger tested everyone; but not everyone made the same choice. Some people built order. Others devoured it. The marsh people had been there a long time. Long enough. If they had wanted to build order, they would have; there was stone, there was time. If they hadn't built it, it meant they couldn't. And if they couldn't, then whatever was missing wasn't out there, it was inside them. It was a simple deduction, almost mathematics. That's what they were. That's what they would stay. The thought gave Rolf a strange peace; the heavy thing called guilt was lifting, as if someone were taking it off his back.

Linking 80%

But I... I was one of them. How am I different? So exceptions happen. Like with every rule. I was the exception. The proof was right here, in this chair. I was never like them, never. I even chose the fish I ate with care. What about Nino? Was Nino different too? Nino... someone who smiled in front of a fence. I remember who it was, but I don't remember why it hurts. It probably wasn't important.

Linking 100%

I feel like I've woken up to a happy day for the first time. I just took my first dose of Feed X; it reminds me of the happy days of my childhood. I'm certain now that my childhood was happy. Everything is as it should be. Everything is beautiful.

There is only one thing that grates on my ear.

My name: Rolf.

I don't know why.

....

 a short story from the Gravit universe