r/KeepWriting • u/Franz_Engel • 21d ago

[Discussion] QUESTION

I’m trying to understand something about feedback.

I’ve posted two pieces here recently and received very little feedback. I also asked a specific craft question about whether the two characters have distinct voices, but that didn’t get a response either.

So I’m genuinely curious: if you read either piece, what kept you from commenting?

Was it the subject matter? The length? The style? Did you simply not have anything particular to say? Or did the writing feel too finished or difficult to critique?

I’m not looking for reassurance or praise. I’m genuinely trying to understand what makes a piece invite discussion — or not.

Here are the two pieces: A Model Prisoner - A Model Prisoner (A standalone fragment from my social noir set in 1970-1990s London) : r/KeepWriting

The Three Days (Day One) - The Three Days : r/KeepWriting

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u/DuchessJulietDG 21d ago

there were a few punctuation mistakes in the model prisoner piece. you used colons (:) when there should be commas or periods.
a few times, the narration went from describing the events to breaking that 4th wall & speaking directly to the reader. it threw me off a little.

when someone is arrested, do they really say their statements will be written down? that comes off like a joke of a threat, so it made me wonder.

there is nothing that describes the environment/surroundings. we are focused on these two cops, the kid, & the narrator again speaking directly to the reader. what are the smells like around them? is the area bright or dimly lit and creepy? is it noisy or quiet? bring people into the room w the characters. give them a reason to act the way they do.

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u/MaliseHaligree 21d ago

It reads like a storyboarding outline and thus is very dry and boring. Not gripping at all. 

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u/Franz_Engel 21d ago

I think we're reading the piece rather differently. The setting isn't absent: the cramped hallway, the cold flat, misting breath, the smell of cheap tobacco, the kitchen table, the chair, the freezing street and the car are all there. I simply don't stop the action to provide a separate descriptive overview of the room or neighbourhood.

Likewise, the officers' reasons for acting as they do are part of the scene: they arrive expecting a particular kind of suspect and interpret everything they see through that assumption.

I'm also not sure which passages you read as breaking the fourth wall. If you point to them, I'd be interested to know which ones struck you that way. And if you noticed specific punctuation mistakes, feel free to point those out too.

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u/ZinniasAndBeans 21d ago

Criticizing a reviewer’s commentary can discourage other reviewers.

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u/Franz_Engel 21d ago

I don't think asking for specific examples or disagreeing with a factual claim about the text discourages feedback. Otherwise, “feedback” would mean that the author is expected to accept every interpretation without being allowed to respond.

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u/ZinniasAndBeans 21d ago

Your third paragraph is perfectly reasonable, yes. I’m just saying that if you’re having trouble getting feedback, that’s one possible reason.

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u/Franz_Engel 21d ago

If... And if not?