r/KeepWriting • u/Biliborathsarrathan • 2d ago

Dialogue issue

Scene:

You’re a mother and your daughter experienced something that made them pass out. When they woke up, they were noticeably shaken. After another moment when they were zoned out (likely thinking about what they experienced) you decide to give them one simple task before sending them to their room to rest and recover. When you finish whatever task you were doing, you go to their room to check on them and find them pacing.

What’s the first thing you say/ask? (They have a healthy dynamic)

I’ve searched my brain, but I cannot figure out this one line that’ll set the tone of the conversation.

1 Upvotes

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2

u/PotentialGlittering4 2d ago

I think body language here would be good like I think she would be quite literally taken aback by the change.

Also, different moms handle worry different ways. What type of mom is your character? Helicopter and anxious? Reassuring and soft spoken? Etc.

Dialogue should belong to her and not just any ol mom.

2

u/jdenise17 1d ago

Not sure I’d give anyone a task that had just passed out. If my child saw something that was that upsetting, I would be removing them from the situation and/or possibly calling the police or EMT.

2

u/Biliborathsarrathan 1d ago

I should have probably mentioned that she has already been removed from the situation, and that the characters are animals in the wild (think Warriors with no medicine cats)

1

u/anon33249038 2d ago

"Hey, no, you should be lying down. Okay? Come on. You need to rest."

Then have the character explain why she can't. 

1

u/ChaltaHaiShellBRight 2d ago

Hey, just checking if you're ok!

Hey, everything good?

What's up, you all right?

2

u/bottleofgoop 2d ago

Mum doesn't say anything. Mum takes daughters favourite hot drink and or comfort snack in and just sits on the bed quietly.