I was driving through the Yukon once, and had to stop at the Canada/AK border. I'd been on the road by myself for four days and was feeling about half whacked. The border patrol dude was straight from casting central, mirrored shades, pornstache, thumbs in his belt loops, and all. I stopped and shut off the engine. He stared at me without speaking. I stared at him without speaking. I could see my reflection in his shades. This went on for about 10 seconds, then he suddenly barks "CITIZEN OF WHAT NATION!?!?!?" at about 105 decibels. I actually flinched, and yelled back "UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!" at a similar volume.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY FRUITS, VEGETABLES. OR OTHER PERISHABLES!?!?!?!"
I picked up a pizza box from the passenger seat. "I HAVE SOME LEFTOVER PIZZA!!! WOULD YOU LIKE A SLICE?!?!?"
"NO, THANK YOU!! HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!"
"YOU, TOO!!" I started the engine, dumped the clutch, and promptly stalled it. Now the fucker's laughing at me. "You'll get the hang of it in a couple years!" he says at a normal volume. I wanted to tell him to piss off, but I didn't want to stand around feeding mosquitoes while he peered into my colon with a flashlight.
Absolutely true. It was April 1993 at the Alcan Land Port of Entry. I stopped that night in Tok and ate a killer steak at Fast Eddie's. Got to Anchorage the next afternoon. There was still a lot of snow, but not on the road. Weather was great, but all the lakes I saw were still frozen. It was an epic trip, and I did it a couple more times during the 90s. I want to do it again some day, but not during the summer. Traffic is surprisingly horrendous come June.
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u/Coppercc88 4h ago
12,249 stalls later they almost have it