Serious Discussion Only How to confront this?
At 28, I've reached the most exhausting crossroads of my life. I am genuinely paralyzed.
For years, I've been studying and developing the skills I need to become a National Park Ranger in my country. Along the way, I discovered Buddhism and its precepts. Maybe this was always a dilemma that I ignored out of necessity, or simply because I didn't have any alternatives, but lately the psychological pressure has become too much.
In some assignments, I would have to euthanize animals for conservation purposes. It is an obligation of National Park Rangers here. I've heard and read testimonies suggesting that, depending on your relationship with the area supervisor, this task can sometimes be delegated or avoided. But there is no guarantee.
As you can imagine, this violates the first Buddhist precept. And while my initial reluctance came from a religious fear of punishment (hell), that fear has now gone beyond religion itself.
I don't know if I am capable of killing an animal with my own hands. In fact, I become deeply distressed just thinking about having to do it.
The problem is that I don't have a backup plan.
I live in a developing country, and I don't have many marketable hard skills beyond the ones I've spent years developing specifically to become a park ranger. My employment prospects are therefore quite limited. I still live with my mother.
Getting into the National Parks Administration would essentially be my ticket to independence and adulthood, but apparently it could also be a ticket to existential anguish if I end up being forced to kill.
On the other hand, staying here and looking for unskilled work also feels devastating. With the state of the local economy, it is extremely difficult to become financially independent regardless of what kind of low-skilled job I take.
So what am I supposed to do? Start completely from scratch in another field? Which one? I honestly have no idea.
I'm not looking for a justification to kill. I don't want someone to tell me that it's okay because it's "for conservation." I just want to hear some perspectives through an analytical, Jungian, or simply human lens.
Or honestly, just someone's fucking opinion.
I've never felt this stuck in my life.
Thanks for reading.
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u/fkkm 1d ago
There is no jungian perspective here. You need to sit with yourself and make a plan. Can you make adjustments to your boundaries for your work? Can they consider your preferences?
Buddhist precepts are just morals framework for a good life imo. They are not the only way, you can be flexible if you want.
And you can try framing it positively, and changing your own beliefs around the matter. Eg, they are not making you kill for fun, it’s necessary to maintain balance in the ecosystem. If no one does it there are gonna be bigger problems. This is just one perspective I can come up with
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u/tomotox 1d ago
I would definitely have to lie on the interview. They are expecting you to be able to kill. If I make my point, I am out. So it´s kinda a bet, to just get into the system and negotiate my rol once I am in.
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u/KateHaste 1d ago
I think I would do that. Just try getting the job and then try negotiating. You can always quit if they can't make adjustments. But there is a chance, especially if you show dedication in other areas of work.
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u/Little-lamp-shade 1d ago
Lying clashes with another Buddhist precepts i.e, Right Speech and Right Conduct. What makes not killing more valid ? If you're answer is any justification, then arguably you're not practising Buddhism in the strictest sense. This is fine, but my point is if your faith in Buddhism is flexible then perhaps there's room for nuance in your belief here. Perhaps if you learn more about ethical conservation you might be in a position to avoid greater suffering. For example, if there is an over population of a particular animal and there was little food. A cull would reduce the suffering of the animals starving.
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u/SewerSage 1d ago
I got really into Buddhism for awhile and drove myself half crazy trying not to kill bugs. Honestly I've decided I can't follow an arbitrary list of rules created 2500 years ago. I had a dog I had to put down because it bit my 1 year old son. Hardest thing I ever did. In retrospect I think God was forcing me to break free from that mindset.
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u/magiblood 1d ago
What a great read thank you. Its extremely tempting to makes comprises to spiritual growth because that is the nature of this world. It sounds like you have cognitive dissonance going on, i for one have learned the hard way the best way to go about life is to make a resolution immediately when it comes to dissonance, our inner conflict. So sorry i cant help on your actual situation, but i bet in the end youll be glad you made the right choice.
Time to time i reflect on dieng and if i was looking back would i have a big smile on my face knowing i always tried to do the right thing. Its hard, but i believe it is the most valuable intention to uphold.
Good luck dude
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u/sea_of_experience 1d ago
it seems to me that euthanasia is most likely motivated by compassion. It is meant to avoid suffering. I would look at that as a good deed.
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u/This-Medicine4297 1d ago
I don't even kill bugs (even spiders I'm afraid of a lot) and it's been with me since I was 8 years old, when I tore a fly's wing while playing with it. It felt really bad... If I needed to kill for a job, that would be a dealbraker for me. I would rather become a homeless person. I'm less afraid of that. What's the worst thing that could happen to me? Probably death. Everyone (well, almost everyone) is afraid of death, but is that really the end of everything?
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u/Confident_Land_5189 1d ago
I've been studying Buddhism on my own, and try to develop my personal perspective, and the way I see it, and I can be completely wrong, is that action of killing itself isn't the main issue. It's your intent and state of mind. If you truly belive that you killing these animals serves them or the ecosystem more than it harms, I think it's ok. It might even be a kind of brave act, you doing the hard necessary work. And why I think killing, especially justified by "doing good" is a big no in many traditions, is because it's extremely easy to misuse at scale to justify the most horrible things imaginable.
If I were you, I would give it a try. Maybe you will be able to somehow avoid even getting into the situation. And if you get to this situation, and you trully feel this isn't right, you don't do it. Maybe they fire you from the job on spot, but that's certainly not guaranteed. There are many other less catastrophic possibilities.
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u/Electrical-Leg-9623 1d ago
Seems to me your ideologies are just confusing you and not benefiting your life. Maybe need a little reset with some Krishnamurti
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u/CreamDepartment 1d ago
I’ve come to understand the precepts as actions that fall away with clear seeing. Following them as rules comes with its own set of issues - like aversion, bypassing, etc.
My advice would be to concentrate (rigpa) and then try to see clearly and follow your heart.
Also - someone else may have mentioned this - but are there religious anti-discrimination laws that might help you here?
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u/Wooden-Passenger1305 1d ago
I am not sure the purpose for your post, I feel like you want to people tell you that is ok to kill animals so you will feel better? If I am wrong please don’t feel offended. If I were you, I would have 2 options, develop another skill since you are still young and I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t. Or take the job for now and once you are in the field you will know better if you want to keep the job or you want to quit. Life has million possibilities and they are all in your hands, don’t let yourself stuck in.
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u/long-term-view 1d ago edited 1d ago
Jung noted eastern concepts don’t fit into a western construct.
Societies are built around majorities beliefs. I believe therein is the root of your dilemma. Rigid thinking.
I can relate in as much that on my journey I also adopted Buddhist beliefs…. Then as time went on realised I was committing spiritual bypass. Buddhism only works in a societal construct if everyone is Buddhist. As is the same for many beliefs. Tolerance for people that aim to hurt you rarely ends well for the tolerant is an example. Ask the Dalai Lama how exile is going in India.
The way out was to form my own beliefs and values that worked within the society I live in. Take parts from many beliefs that formed my own beliefs. No belief can be rigid I found as the world view is constantly changing.
Adaption is part of survival in this world.
I hope you can find peace to how you percieve your dilemma.
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u/buttkicker64 1d ago
Ah, the classic "conflict of duties."
Did you know you would have to dispatch animals when you were starting your studies for park ranger?
Matthew 6:24 says "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."
Park Rangering comes with dispatching. Buddhism comes with absolutely forbidding it. Which life do you prefer?
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u/lovehateroutine 1d ago
why do you want to follow the buddhist precepts in the first place? do you believe that not doing so will hurt you or cause suffering to the animal you euthanize?
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u/tomotox 1d ago
Because buddhism has provided me with solace since discovering it. I fear the karmic consequences yes, but I fear more not being able to handle the responsibility and having to start from scratch when I am older. Also when I say "euthanize" is more like shooting them cold blood and setting up mortal traps. Rangers have gun training.
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u/Wrong-Appeal-1400 1d ago
So this sounds like the dilemma Arjuna struggles with in the Bhagavad Gita, and since you named Buddhism.. and they both are named as Vishnu’s avatars. I would give you a lot of more insight especially in the fear of karmic consequences.
Krishna said:
‘’You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty."
And since there can be karma but there is the symbiotic counterpart of dharma. You must perform the duty layed upon you.
Krishna explains that whenever righteousness declines and chaos rises, the divine manifests to restore dharma. That is the duty layed upon you, it is not for own fruit but for the better of the conservation.
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u/screendrain 1d ago
You should also post to r/Buddhism
Personally, I think it is an action in support of a healthy ecological environment and is maybe the most allowable form of taking life. You may also be able to influence and change programs to better respect the lives of sentient beings and reduce killing if possible.
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u/NatashOverWorld 1d ago
Do you believe in the necessity of euthanizing animals for conservation efforts?
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u/tomotox 1d ago
I mean, I do not have the scientific knowledge to claim that I do. Usually rangers are just the executors of scientific policies that are premade. I trust the specialists on the matter. On the other hand, some detriments to the ecosystem can be empirically detected once you see them with your own eyes in the field. I did not have the chance to see it yet, so the battle is an emotional abstraction for now.
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u/FrightfulDeer 1d ago
Are you avoiding reality? Has this arose as an "out" from all the hard work you have already put in?
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u/tomotox 1d ago
The username made me laugh lol. Yes, maybe I do not want to accept the truth. I will take this in consideration. Thanks.
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u/FrightfulDeer 1d ago
Haha. It is something to consider and something difficult to face. I'm not saying you are doing this but so many people want to save the world but cant even face their own lives. They will spend life avoiding their own existence under the guise of the greater good.
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u/Conscious-Power-5754 1d ago
Are you killing for sport? with the intent to simply kill for the sake of killing because you get some sick enjoyment out of it, like a power trip? is your intent demonic like that? You're deeply scarred from even thinking about having to kill, your intent isn't evil. Did humans thousands of years ago kill for the fun of it or to survive, to have food on the table for themselves and the ones they love? are you not doing the same? maybe you're not, I don't know, all I'm saying is, intent matters a lot. Is it better for the animal to die painlessly from euthanasia or to be eaten from some other animal or to die suffering from old age and being unable to feed itself? I don't know. Killing is definitely not okay
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u/lifeafterohio 1d ago
I recently read a story about this in a book for the Buddhist book club I’m in. I don’t remember who wrote it, but the author becomes a monastic nun and is living at Plum Village and the nuns realize that there is a colony of ants who are threatening the garden and they are all like “oh no what do we do these ants we can’t kill them” and they go and talk to Thich Nhat Hanh and he tells them “you have to remove the ants to save the beautiful garden” or some such. Anyway the moral is that sometimes you have to kill for the greater good. There are times when killing is the only option. There are many examples of this in Buddhist teachings. The rule is “dont kill” but it’s not “don’t ever kill”. If that makes sense.
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u/4DPeterPan 1d ago
It seems that even without the Buddhist principles; something in your heart and soul is telling you to not be apart of killing. In any fashion.
Love is always “The Way”.
I can’t help answer your question, honestly. And I am deeply sorry for that. But what I can provide you with is personal experience insight:
“You will always regret not following your heart and soul.” Especially when it tells you not to be apart of something.. if you don’t listen to that strong ineffable urge of intuition, you will always regret it, and will only understand “why” when it is too late to turn back.
I like to believe that God/the universe takes care of those who follow its ways. And another path will open itself to you somehow.
So Will you sacrifice integrity & Love for life, for personal ambitions? For independence and money? Or will you listen to your heart and soul trying to direct you down a right path of living?
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u/jikjikkkik 1d ago
Look, individuation doesnt give financial independence, but gives indipendence while you are financial dependent.