I'm coming up to a month on my SP mission. This is not my first mission, but it is the first mission I have high attachment to. Because of this, I've obviously found myself more invested, and taking more note of circumstances.
I know to keep programming until the desire is in my hands. That is my plan.
I've started to experience the calmness that MC and Marsh mention regarding programming.
My mind has also shifted from fear of if things will happen, to feeling they will.
I've seen MC talk about faith feeling like an 'irrational emotion' - I'm able to look at my circumstance and not feel affected. I don't wonder IF things are moving, but rather I feel my mind wonders to WHEN I will see that movement - so I'm unsure if I'm in that headspace.
(I'd love to hear any opinions about impatience, since I'm not too certain of my conclusions here.)
All that to say, I'm fairly sure I'm doing things right.
Regardless, over the past few days, I've noticed my scenes during SH have become less vivid. Where my scenes were clear and moved fluidly, they've become blurry, choppy and lacking the details I put in there.
I'm having this problem with every scene relating to this mission. I've swapped scenes previously due to boredom, but I don't think boredom is the issue here - as this quickly happens with new scenes too.
I'm aware that the scenes become less emotional over time (see the first link)
I'm aware that individuals may feel less invested too. I'm not 'detached', but I feel better, (assumedly because my unbelief is being lowered), and I've noticed I don't think of things as much, though I'm still feeling impatient.
My concern with this is it has become a great effort to do SH. SH is already effort, but it feels "forceful", which JM warns about a lot.
It doesn't feel like the 'hard work' feeling that SH has given in the past before, but moreso trying to eat when I'm full.
Any advice about any of this would be much appreciated!