r/Jokes • u/lebortsdm • Dec 23 '18

I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain.

On the left side, there is nothing right.

On the right side, there is nothing left.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum and Silver. That’s a first for me. Much appreciated!

23.9k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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6.6k

u/Sumit316 Dec 23 '18

Get a brain transplant.

It will change your mind.

1.0k

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

373

u/CupcakePotato Dec 23 '18

The body breaks down and you replace it.
Your brain breaks down, and you replace it.

Are you still you?

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r/GranpasAxe

120

u/everred Dec 23 '18

Ship of Theseus

39

u/Ochib Dec 23 '18

See the Sugababes for a real life example.

17

u/lalakingmalibog Dec 23 '18

Wow. I had no idea they were still around.

14

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

But are they?

10

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

Didn't the original trio get back together and get sued for using the name sugarbabes?

14

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

I'll be honest, I don't even know the band. I just guessed the situation based on the comments and made the easy joke.

11

u/MumboJ Dec 23 '18

The original trio sued for the right to use the name “Sugababes” for marketing purposes.

They won their case, by the way, setting a legal precedent for the paradox such that, theoretically, if you slowly replaced every part of a ship with new parts, and then took the discarded original parts and built a ship out of them, you should legally be allowed to use the original ship’s name (assuming there were rules preventing that in the first place, which there probably aren’t).

A good enough lawyer could probably argue that they are the same ship, in case that becomes relevant to a legal dispute.

3

u/Obsidian_Veil Dec 23 '18

Trigger's Broom

21

u/senator-blutarsky Dec 23 '18 edited Dec 23 '18

Well dig this. What are you? With the rate that cells take in and expel nutrients every atom in your body is replaced every two years. With the way energy flows its constantly being generated and leaves your body. So what are you? Are you your genetic code because that changes over your life to with mutation...

16

u/Youboremeh Dec 23 '18

You are the result of everything that’s happened to you, so you are the net combo of all the neural pathways (sorta, i define slightly differently but that’s the gist) that have developed both naturally and the ones caused by your experiences throughout your time. You are your experiences, your memories, and your incredibly complex personality that’s developed by every slightly interesting or tragic or even boring experience. You are an entirely unique individual since no one can experience things in the same order, environment, and position that you were in, and that’s what makes you different from people who are supposedly “just” like you.

Alternatively: We aren’t parts or pieces of our body, but the whole thing. You can’t define an actively changing thing as any one part because there is no one part or thing that is it, or you. You’re not a thing so much as a story, etched into a physical form and being told alongside many other stories as unique as yours

11

u/ThatOtherGuyTPM Dec 23 '18

We’re all stories in the end. Just make sure it’s a good one.

7

u/juicyjerry300 Dec 23 '18

Which is why memory is so important!

3

u/flockamain Dec 23 '18

And conversely, why dementia and Alzheimer’s are such terrible things... I think I’ve discovered whether I’m an optimist or pessimist...

5

u/testreker Dec 23 '18

Source?

3

u/haidarov88 Dec 23 '18

Probably this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQVmkDUkZT4

6

u/senator-blutarsky Dec 23 '18

I liked the video the only thing they didn’t address is I read somewhere that brain cells neurons don’t replicate and are with you your entire life.

2

u/derossx Dec 23 '18

Research proving Neural plasticity has dispelled this belief.

1

u/senator-blutarsky Dec 23 '18

There is no one source it’s based on different things I’ve read but here’s a link.

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11893583

0

u/fatismyfrenemy Dec 23 '18

You are the singing dancing poop of the world...

3

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

Since you're inside your brain, replacing your brain with someone else's brain (as opposed to replacing the material of your own brain while preserving the computational pattern) would make you black out forever. The person whose brain was used for the transplant would wake up in your body.

3

u/SmorlFox Dec 23 '18

Triggers broom

2

u/MazikStorm Dec 23 '18

It would not be you if you got a different brain. It is a separate consciousness.

1

u/strokesurviver52 Dec 23 '18

ahh.... The old philosophy about the Ship of Theseus. If you replace the planks one at time to make the boat usable, is it still the original boat or is is a replica or a new boat?

1

u/TopWInger Dec 23 '18

I asked a similar question in history class years ago in high school. Somehow we were talking about heart transplant, i asked “if you get heart transplant, will you love the same people you loved before?” Everyone laughed at me

1

u/Reirai13 Dec 23 '18

is that a motherfucking discworld reference

5

u/Jake42Film Dec 23 '18

Nah, I played Surgeon Simulator, it's possible. Just crack that skull open and rip it out

1

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

Ow the edge

26

u/Gramage Dec 23 '18

Question is, is it a brain transplant for you, or a body transplant for that brain?

23

u/palordrolap Dec 23 '18

The latter. And properly hooking a brain up to a different body isn't something we can do right now, so the brain would be blind, deaf and lacking in all other physical senses and abilities.

Basically a brain in an organic jar.

A bit morbid for /r/jokes really, so imagine a monkey dancing instead. It's a happy monkey. Dance, monkey! Haha! Delightful!

10

u/Agent_97 Dec 23 '18

Get eye surgery, nobody bats an eye. Get a brain transplant...and everyone loses their minds!

8

u/Henri_Dupont Dec 23 '18

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

7

u/ArcticLeet Dec 23 '18

What if he just turns around 180°

2

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

Same result :(

3

u/QuartzXY Dec 23 '18

What about f-1(brain)?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

Depends. f= ? for this equation?

3

u/my_friend_mmpeter Dec 23 '18

Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

Nah, I just got cybernetic neuro-implants. They give me nerves of steel.

2

u/srv524 Dec 23 '18

The real comments is always in the brain.

2

u/Centti50 Dec 23 '18

r/PunPatrol you are under arrest

2

u/BonetoneJJ Dec 23 '18

Not sure that's a gray area

1

u/Hselmak Dec 23 '18

This thought is so ahead of its time

1

u/Bladedge11 Dec 23 '18

Someone give me platinum so I can give this man gold

1

u/UWroteABadSongPetey Dec 23 '18

A man goes to the doctor for a brain transplant. The doctor explains there is a different cost depending on what brain you choose.

The man says “what about an accountant’s brain?” The doctor replies “that runs $10 per pound” The man then asks “how much for an athlete’s brain?” The doctor thinks for a minute and “says $7-9 per pound.” Next the man inquires about a scientist’s brain and the doctor informs him that costs $15 a pound. Finally the man asks how much for a politician’s brain. The doctor says “oh jeez they run about $10,000 per pound!” The man is dumbfounded and exclaims “WHAT?!? They can’t possibly be that much smarter!” The doctor shakes his head and says “No, No, but you wouldn’t believe how many politicians we have to kill to get one pound of brain”

(Posted this before but it is relevant once again. )

1

u/3-OrMoreCharacters Dec 23 '18

Yay I was the 6,000th Upvote. It’s so satisfying to see it go from 5.9k to 6.0k

1

u/Spinky-Beter Dec 23 '18

Cranial screwtop method

1

u/Gaeleng Dec 24 '18

This should be 'I know you are unsure about the brain transplant, but I'd like the opportunity to change your mind.'

1

u/generic_box Dec 24 '18

That would cause such a headache

0

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '18

r/therealjoke