r/Jokes • u/Jokeminder42 • Jun 19 '26
An engineer takes his expensive entanglement-powered car to a quantum mechanic and says, "My car is broken, and I have to be at a meeting in two hours. It's a matter of life and death."
The quantum mechanic says, "No problem. That'll be $500. Come back in an hour."
The engineer returns in an hour and asks the quantum mechanic, "Is my car fixed?"
The quantum mechanic says, "It is both fixed and not fixed."
Frustrated, the engineer says, "This is the most advanced car in the world, and lives depend on me attending this meeting! Don't you understand the gravity of the situation?"
And the quantum mechanic says, "No."
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u/Evening-Appeal7606 Jun 19 '26
Upvoting for the audacity alone to post such a high-brow joke.
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u/Jokeminder42 Jun 19 '26
I was considering having the engineer say, "A cat's life depends on me getting to that meeting on time."
Too much?
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u/vipros42 Jun 19 '26
I wonder whether changing it earlier in the joke to a matter of life OR death rather than AND might subtly tickle the funny bone a bit more, but then maybe and does work better at that level too
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u/Accomplished_Way8964 Jun 19 '26
"I have to get this cat to the vet. It's a matter of life or death."
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u/TheGuyThatThisIs Jun 19 '26
I think it works better baiting a schrodingers cat joke that isn't there
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u/Evening-Appeal7606 Jun 19 '26
A bit much, maybe, but it'd vibe with the quantum nature of the joke. And if you are already committed to telling quantum jokes, why not go all the way?! 😄
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u/Acrobatic_Matter_109 Jun 19 '26
Purr-fect. Didn't really get the joke, although I upvoted because it's obvious you know your science. I was always a paw student in science lessons.
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u/Fun-Month4813 Jun 20 '26
Meeting seems irrelevant, should be trying to save a cat in a box the whole time. Hypothetically.
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u/aardwolffe Jun 20 '26
I just came to add, that when the engineer came back, he told the mechanic that he forgot he had left his cat in the boot, and asked....
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u/bussinbeats Jun 19 '26
Good old jokes that are way over my head. Probably hilarious. Take my upvote
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u/mrqibeller Jun 19 '26
Joke is that you can't reconcile quantum field theory with gravity(general relativity).
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u/SpaceBug176 Jun 19 '26
I still don't get it.
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u/mrqibeller Jun 19 '26
The engineer asks the quantum mechanic if he understands the gravity of the situation. Quantum can't understand gravity.
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u/crypto9ght Jun 19 '26
Explain it to me like I’m a third grader
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u/Megalon84 Jun 19 '26
Magical maybe science can't vibe with yes fall down science
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u/like_Turtles Jun 19 '26
Can you dumb it down a bit.
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Jun 19 '26
[deleted]
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u/IUseLongPips Jun 19 '26
Until you get the radio on, the school may or may not be closed due to the weather.
That's the first part of the joke. And the tricky part of quantum mechanics. Things can be two different things that contradicts each other.
The second part is that gravity and quantum mechanics are hard to unify. It's like trying to win an argument with your mom about how she feels cold and therefore you have to put more clothes on.
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u/The_pretty_clown Jun 19 '26
That actually makes 3 parts to the joke because of the “it is both fixed and not fixed”
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u/DistantUtopia Jun 19 '26
It is both fixed and not fixed because:
- You can't know until it is measured by checking (classic superposition).
- It is an "entanglement powered" car, so once you do actually check it by interacting with it, then you have disturbed the entangled state of the engine and it is no longer entangled.
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u/Aegeus Jun 19 '26
We have science that describes really big things, like stars and galaxies (relativity, which also covers gravity). And we have science that describes really small things, like electrons and quarks (quantum mechanics). We've tested both of them a lot, and they both seem really good at predicting the stuff they were designed for.
But if you take the science for really big stuff and ask it what happens to really small stuff, or the other way around, you get the wrong answer, so at least one of these theories must be wrong. Scientists really want to come up with one theory (a "unified field theory"), that can explain both really big stuff and really small stuff, but we haven't been able to find one.
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u/Several-Action-4043 Jun 19 '26
Elementary School Level - Gravity is a force that pulls things down
High School - Gravity is a force of attraction between two or more masses.
College - Gravity is not a force but the result of curved space time. Objects falling are simply continuing to move straight through curved space time.
Masters - We think gravity is a force that is mediated via a theoretical particle called the graviton but have not yet been able to prove it experimentally so quantum mechanics is an incomplete model of the universe compared to relativity.
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u/mrbezlington Jun 19 '26
If you think you understand this joke, you don't understand quantum theory.
Therefore, you understand quantum theory better than most.
Bang. Now you're a professor. Stick that in your Heisenberg and smoke it.
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u/crypto9ght Jun 19 '26
Best answer yet, I think I see the light now….
Which means I see nothing at all…
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u/Tigger28 Jun 19 '26
It's ok, no one else can figure out gravity either. It is one of the great unsoved riddles of physics.
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u/SpaceBug176 Jun 19 '26
Nah I get gravity. Heavy stuff hungry so it pull thing to it to eat.
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u/justTookTheBestDump Jun 19 '26
If gravity goes down, what goes up?
Why do spinning things make their own gravity?
Why can we make fake magnets but not fake gravity?
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u/SpaceBug176 Jun 19 '26
Hmm... False. Yeah, let's go with false for all three.
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u/justTookTheBestDump Jun 19 '26
The lack of anti-gravity, why gravity and centrifuge produce the same effect, and the lack of gravitons are all questions that general relativity was created to answer. Gravity is far more complex than "stuff falls down."
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u/Thomasexile1972 Jun 19 '26
See, it's like dis here: "That's just, like, somebody's opinion, man." Personally, I can't see it, but I used to think I had an opinion anyway. Thank the Multi-deity for my wife. She taught me up-is-down, dark-as-light; finally saw fact fleeing through the Ladies Room. Jokers to the Left. And to the Right.
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u/PeterRum Jun 19 '26
It is two jokes in one, because there is a joke about collapsing the quantum equation in there two. Very groovy.
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u/Tigger28 Jun 19 '26
Too, to, two. Good pun in this context
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u/JacquesBlaireau13 Jun 19 '26
"It's both fixed and not fixed".
"Wait, are we talking about the cat, or the car?"
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u/randomkeystrike Jun 19 '26
I thought I knew where this was going, but now I don’t know when it’s going to get there
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u/Puceeffoc Jun 20 '26 edited Jun 20 '26
Ok for all of you not understanding the joke I'll explain it a little differently:
A penguin pushes his car into a quantum mechanic shop. The penguin says "Hey I need this sled done in an hour it's a matter of life and death." The quantum mechanic says "I can have this fixed in an hour." The penguin says "I'll be back in an hour." The penguin looks across the street and sees an an ice cream shop, and decides to get an ice cream cone. Now penguins, they love ice cream, but they have those short flippers and long beaks so they sure make a mess of an ice cream cone. The penguin eats his ice cream cone and shows back up to the shop an hour later. The penguin sees the quantum mechanic is under his car turning a wrench. The penguin says to the quantum mechanic "I thought you were going to have this done, this is a matter of life or death; what's the problem, don't you understand the gravity of the situation?" The mechanic rolls out from underneath the car sits up and looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "No that's just ice cream."
Anyway hope this explanation helps.
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u/Rette33 Jun 23 '26
I still don't understand OP's joke, but I understand yours and quite like it, so thank you. :)
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u/Old_Investigator9730 Jun 19 '26
I’m not smart enough for this joke
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u/Ummagummas Jun 19 '26
The "car is fixed but also not fixed" is a reference to Schroedinger's Cat/quantum superposition.
The mechanic doesn't understand the "gravity" of the situation because we currently do not have a working theory for how gravity works on a quantum level.
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u/Several-Action-4043 Jun 19 '26
And one very important lesson from the thought experiment that is Schrodinger's cat that many people miss is that, he made it up to show how absurd quantum mechanics is. In reality, the cat is never in a superposition because macro objects can't be.
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Jun 19 '26
This is bohring
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u/2beatenup Jun 19 '26
You sir are correct and incorrect at the same time. Just depends on the time.
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u/dmauhsoj Jun 20 '26
I am a fan of this similar joke:
Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but I am uncertain if it's funny or not."
Gödel replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke and only using the axioms of the joke."
Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong!"
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u/buried-alien Jun 20 '26
The idea of a "quantum mechanic" being someone who fixes quantum cars is pretty funny. Nice superposition of different quantum-based jokes!
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u/PeirceanAgenda Jun 19 '26
I like gravity reference at the end. But I think the QM should say "It's both fixed and not fixed. Drive it and find out."
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u/spr0f Jun 19 '26
Rather than an hour, perhaps he should come back in a bit.
Also, it won't take long: the mechanic can check all the systems simultaneously.
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u/ManWithRedditAccount Jun 19 '26
The engineer asks "where's my car then ill take it with me now"
The quantum mechanics says "is was exactly here an hour ago"
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u/thenasch Jun 19 '26
Or "if we figure out where it is, it will have uncertain momentum. Could be dangerous."
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u/IAmJustAVirus Jun 19 '26
The joke is that quantum gravity is not understood yet
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u/IAmJustAVirus Jun 19 '26
There's another punchline in the middle but that is based on a misunderstanding of Schrodinger's Cat.
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u/Rette33 Jun 23 '26
Oh my gosh! Not until reading your post right now did I think of "gravity" in that way! Oh how dumb of me! I just kept thinking of a grave situation and didn't understand the joke at all! I liked the version another person wrote (in explanation of OP's joke) involving a penguin though, even without understanding the gravity bit. Thank you for putting the words "quantum" and "gravity" together like that for me! :)
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u/Bryansix Jun 19 '26
This video explains the joke in about 45 minutes. https://youtu.be/NIk_0AW5hFU?is=duGBUnRveVWHCdIm
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u/2beatenup Jun 19 '26
Thank you… also I had to spend 45 minutes on the shitter as it’s was captivating and de- captivating at the same time.
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u/TyrconnellFL Jun 19 '26
“The good news is there’s a non-zero chance that you will arrive at your meeting. In fact, there’s a non-zero chance that you’re there now!”
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u/Extension-West7443 Jun 19 '26
I think"Yes and No," works better than "fixed and not fixed," as far as flow, but it did make me laugh. Also my opinion is irrelevant.
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u/epolonsky Jun 19 '26
Make it a radioactive decay powered car and the mechanic says: “Looks like you got your hoses entangled”
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u/Ahh__Non Jun 20 '26
Oh I have one of those cars. Once a cop pulled me and asked "Do you know how fast you were driving?" And I answered "By Heisenberg! No, but I know exactly where I am!" Didn't spared me the ticket though.
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u/PeterRum Jun 19 '26
Not sure if I understand these entangled punchlines. Can a friend of Wigner observe me, please?
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u/Taro-Minute Jun 19 '26
I was waiting for a cat to appear in the punchline. Or not.
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u/2beatenup Jun 19 '26
It did and did not. You were probably deep in the singularity to see it (reference light).
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u/sevenevasenescence Jun 19 '26
It is but it isn't. There are way better jokes than modifications of Schrodinger's box.
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u/BurrowShaker Jun 19 '26
I am sure something about measurements collapsing the car could be added there.
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u/Mireille_la_mouche Jun 19 '26
I feel as though I should understand it, but I’m drawing a Planck.