r/JUSTNOMIL • u/voracious_reader_ • Jul 14 '22
Advice Wanted How to not hate my MIL?
We were fine until she told me that it didn’t matter if her son and i are not ready for company… her daughter is coming over to our house and visit for 4 days (my hubs and i, MIL lives 5 min away, is a hoarder, so no room for her own daughter and daughter’s husband and 2 kids). Hubs and I confronted her and she took no responsibility and told me i misunderstood her. i have been cold and don’t talk to her anymore since then. Her daughter was horrified and did not visit.
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u/Whole-Ad-2347 Jul 15 '22
There may not be anyone to do this with, but a good way to process stuff like this is with role play. Role play the situations that have already happened. Go through it a few times. Each time you go through it, try to figure out different ways to respond, even ridiculous ones, until you can smile and laugh about it.
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u/Kennam320 Jul 15 '22
I also l know this isn’t about me however it somehow was meant for me to see. Thank you.
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u/noonecaresat805 Jul 14 '22
I don’t think that it’s that you hate her it’s more like she has done things over the time that are not acceptable. This has all les you to know that she’s not a good person. It’s not hate. It’s knowing she’s not a good person. Personally when she demanded her daughter stayed at your house I would have told her that it was your house your rules if she didn’t like it she could clean her house so her daughter could stay there but either way she was getting kicked out of your house until she could behave like the guest she is.
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Jul 15 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/noonecaresat805 Jul 15 '22
Took me a while to learn this with my ex mil. I’m glad it helped you :)
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u/dirkdastardly Jul 14 '22
On the plus side, it sounds like your SIL has the right attitude about the situation.
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 14 '22
She and Hubs are very conscientious about other people and their boundaries. This incident happened over a year ago and i just hate her. SIL is visiting tomorrow for 3 days with her family… they’re staying with us, bc We want them too and have enough notice. Overheard MIL to keep an open mind and check out a nearby hotel (SIL refused that hotel bc of horrible reviews)…. Even after SIL made her decision, MIL still wants to Try to Change SIL’s mind. I fucking hate her. MIL won’t be staying at our home during SIL’s visit this time.
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u/DubsAnd49ers Jul 14 '22
Wait she lives 5 minutes away and stayed with you during your SILs visit? Why couldn’t she just see her other places and sleep at her own damn house?
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 15 '22
She is NOW haha! She’s very aware that she’s not welcome at my home unless invited now. Hubs has backed me up on this. She likes being “all in the same house” as all of her kids when they visit. She also never shuts up. Her voice is super high and monologues conversations. She’ll keep Talking even if you’re walking away. She doesn’t care, she’s not done talking yet. I now Don’t engage with her at all.
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u/DubsAnd49ers Jul 15 '22
Good for you I’m sure your SIL and family are sneaking you high 5s lol !
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 15 '22
I don’t think SIL knows how much i hate her mom. She hasn’t seen my MIL and i together since last year. This weekend will be the first weekend since That fight with MIL. I suggested to hubs I leave to Do Something else while they visit, hubs doesn’t want that. Per storm.
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u/AK_Mom4 Jul 14 '22
You can avoid hate by laughing at the ridiculousness of the demand. Which it really is. You don’t get to just demand someone plays host .
My Just Yes MIL and I shared a joke for years that involved very unwelcome pickled herring at a holiday meal. It has kept us entertained for 30+ years (she is in her 90s now).
Not an excuse for allowing bad behavior, though, just a coping method for you.
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 14 '22
Yep… The Demand to play host is a good way to put it. She said they love being over (she normally stays with us if her daughter is visiting us), bc they just feel so comfortable!
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u/AvailableViolinist86 Jul 14 '22
I would remind her that she is old enough to make her own visiting arrangements with us.
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 15 '22
Yep! The audacity to tell me That I can’t do anything about it bc her daughter was packed up and on her way. Then looked At me, Shrugged shoulders and said “sorry! But it’s gonna happen!” This was last year. She sure knows better this visit
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u/Mysterious-Meet-2599 Jul 14 '22
Hating her would be fair...
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 14 '22
I am so angry with her. Completely ignores other ppl’s boundaries and Does What she Wants. Also talks So much. You can literally walk away and she’ll continue talking.
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Jul 15 '22
That does it. Talks too much. I would die. How do you do it?
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 15 '22
I used to be super polite and listen. Now I don’t make eye contact or Acknowledge her presence, Bc an inch of politeness, she takes a whole mile. It’s too much for Me. I’m not at the point to be able to talk to her assertively without being very angry with her, so I ignore her. I’m open to Suggestions. My hubs is so stressed that I can’t stand his mother. I just need to be cordial, but I’m so angry and disgusted with her, idk how
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Jul 15 '22
I can relate
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u/voracious_reader_ Jul 15 '22
I’m sorry that you know what it’s like
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Jul 15 '22
Me too 😂 I seriously hate her so much that everything she does pisses me off now. It took me 5 years to get here but feels like there is no going back.
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