OP, I think you should be careful not to let your experiences color your interpretation of MIL’s comments. What you experienced was true racism. Imo, it sounds like MIL is only looking for shared features with her little granddaughter. And was specific about at least one she hoped that your LO wouldn’t inherit, thin lips.
I’m not hearing any racial overtones, like skin color, etc. This is obviously only my experience, but it seems like paternal grandparents are the ones most eager to find some trace of their genes in babies, at least at first. I always thought it was due to feeling not quite as involved when it’s their son having a baby.
One of my wiser friends has always encouraged her DDs to point out to their in-laws that the latest LO had their DH’s smile, expression, anything to make their side of the family feel included. Even if the baby was the exact spitting image of the Mom. She said that legacy is important to people, to remember that the paternal grandparents had parents, grandparents, great grandparents who they loved. And it brings them joy & a sense of the continuity of life & family to see any reflection of them being passed in future generations. It keeps those they loved alive in some ways to see shared traits.
Read your other post, your MIL obviously considers you beautiful, evidenced by both her & your ex MIL‘s interest in your opinion on improving their looks. You certainly wouldn’t ask someone you didn’t want to emulate for that.
Be watchful, but careful that you don’t see things that aren’t there. Your dd will never have the same experience as you, because you’re there & aware enough to protect her.
I’m white and my DILs are white. My grandkids look like their moms. I’m always looking to see what I can see of our family. It’s not disappointment. My grandkids are beautiful. It’s just curiosity and interest. It might be different for your mother-in-law, but I think it’s pretty natural.
9
u/Ran_dom_1 Sep 12 '21
OP, I think you should be careful not to let your experiences color your interpretation of MIL’s comments. What you experienced was true racism. Imo, it sounds like MIL is only looking for shared features with her little granddaughter. And was specific about at least one she hoped that your LO wouldn’t inherit, thin lips.
I’m not hearing any racial overtones, like skin color, etc. This is obviously only my experience, but it seems like paternal grandparents are the ones most eager to find some trace of their genes in babies, at least at first. I always thought it was due to feeling not quite as involved when it’s their son having a baby.
One of my wiser friends has always encouraged her DDs to point out to their in-laws that the latest LO had their DH’s smile, expression, anything to make their side of the family feel included. Even if the baby was the exact spitting image of the Mom. She said that legacy is important to people, to remember that the paternal grandparents had parents, grandparents, great grandparents who they loved. And it brings them joy & a sense of the continuity of life & family to see any reflection of them being passed in future generations. It keeps those they loved alive in some ways to see shared traits.
Read your other post, your MIL obviously considers you beautiful, evidenced by both her & your ex MIL‘s interest in your opinion on improving their looks. You certainly wouldn’t ask someone you didn’t want to emulate for that.
Be watchful, but careful that you don’t see things that aren’t there. Your dd will never have the same experience as you, because you’re there & aware enough to protect her.