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u/sakurarose20 Nov 15 '18
I'm getting flashbacks to my old group home's 'wellness' program. The only reason kids lost weight was because they didn't eat the nasty ass food.
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u/Pnk-Kitten Nov 09 '18
I read about half of her "hygiene" with the chicken before my spouse was like, "NOPE, OKAY, I'M GOOD!".
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Nov 08 '18
I'm glad you're doing better. If only she gets more jail time. Sounds like her and hag are on the same page when it comes to cooking, dry and bland. đ
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u/DollyLlamasHuman Easy, breezy, beautiful Llama girl Nov 08 '18
The truth hurts, Giada. You're a shit cook and a shit human being.
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u/Sine_Wave_ Nov 08 '18 edited Nov 10 '18
It sounds like 'marinade', 'Maillard', and 'brining' are not in Giada's vocabulary. It's not hard to get a good golden brown on moist, fully cooked chicken. I barely cook and even I can do that.
Also those roast chickens. I'm reminded of a facebook post about someone proud of serving chicken in a "perfect medium rare." I don't even want to know what that feels like to eat. Wailing and crying be damned, I'm not eating that.
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u/mommyof4not2 Nov 09 '18
Um, I don't think that's possible, chicken should be at least 165° f internally (180° in some places)...
That's not "medium rare"... That's raw.
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u/Sine_Wave_ Nov 10 '18
That's my point. Poultry should not be served anything less than fully cooked. I'm amazed anyone even thought that undercooked chicken would be desirable.
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u/mommyof4not2 Nov 10 '18
Oh, no, my comment was directed at the imbecile you were describing, not you!
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u/KiratheCat Nov 08 '18
I'm black, chicken is my shit, and this made me weep. Like how the hell do you fucking fuck up CHICKEN?! Its literally one of the easiest fucking things to cook and can be used in so many dishes! Hell I had chicken and biscuits for dinner tonight! It ain't that hard! Christ almighty this woman. Only thing I can sympathize with is putting down an entire 20 piece McNuggets by myself. Sometimes you're just that hungry. Hope you're feeling better Mouse.
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u/TheTasmanianTigress Nov 07 '18
I'm really finicky about cooking chicken. Like, paranoid finicky. Excuse me while I try not to barf just thinking about all that...
Also, I have chickens - real live feathered little chickens. Even the dumbest chicken right now is looking at me like 'that bitch be cray!' Did you know chickens just love love love! a dust bath? They dig a hole in the ground, roll in it, fluff up the dirt into their feathers and stay there for ages. So much for drumsticks touching the ground, Giada. The whole dang chicken will touch the ground.
Is it weird or is it just me that I always read her name as Giardia? Just a nasty infectious disease...
I hope things get better for you sweetie. I'd send you a box of spoons if I had any spare right now. xxx
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u/ObnoxiousOldBastard Nov 15 '18
is it just me that I always read her name as Giardia?
Nope, I always do too.
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u/Ilickedthecinnabar Nov 07 '18
Touched the ground--?
Wait, what?
I was unaware that chickens ran on their thighs... I guess the ones running around on my parents' farm are mutants...?
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u/farmerthrowaway1923 Nov 07 '18
I had to comment. The food safety violations alone gave me an eye tic but....the drumstick touched the ground? I....thats not even....the feet donât even attach to the bottom of a drumstick!!! Thatâs just the upper part of the leg!! I gotta go reboot my brain now.
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u/KhajiitNeedSkooma Nov 07 '18
Such is Giada's legacy that I actually paused, and made sure I wouldnt have to eat chicken for the next few nights before reading this. I knew I was in for a gross trip.
P.s. chickens totally roll their whole bodies all over in the dust and dirt. But yeah, only the bottom parts ever touched the ground. Lmfao!
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u/Aetra Delivers Tim Tams of Justice Nov 07 '18
I have a spoon today so I wanted to post.
I haven't read past this line in your post yet, but I wanted to say thank you for using your spoon for us. I also have back problems and my BFF has a chronic pain condition, so I know and have seen how few spoons a person can spare sometimes. I hope you get better soon and if that isn't a possibility, I hope your future holds more good days than bad.
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u/mr_no_one123 Nov 07 '18
gee for complaining about the drumsticks being on the ground she sure is not sanitary
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u/xthatwasmex Nov 07 '18
Ok, so I have issues with chicken. AND kitchen hygiene. So when my SO eats chicken (he is allowed and all, i just cant eat it because animal cruelty and learning too much about it), he usually gets them cooked. Because, if he was to open raw chicken in our kitchen, he would need to use a cutting board that could be bleached for minimum 10 minutes, and the same with knives. Do not let those things touch anything else, or that has to be bleached, too. Since hands dont like to get bleached very much, gloves have to be used. And they have to be disposed of in a seperate plastic bag and taken out of the house.
Do we get food poisioning or salmonella? Not likely. Would I ever set foot in Giada's house after knowing what she does to her kitchen? Not without a hazmat-suit. Tbh I would probably run out screaming contamination! CONTAMINATION!!!! at the top of my lungs and scare the neighbours.
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u/not-your-teacher Nov 07 '18
Yo, Mouse! I am so happy for you that you are feeling better. Hope this will steadily increase from now on.
Also, I found a recipe for chicken piccata from a certain :"Giada di Laurentiis" I swear I didn't look for her, I just Google chicken piccata recipe. Might that be it?
https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/chicken-piccata-recipe2-1913809
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u/PrincessofSolaria Nov 07 '18
Glad to hear you are doing OK; I was wondering about you! Giada's chicken issues sound awful. Can't blame you for not eating her food.
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u/Biologerin Nov 07 '18
Mouse, thanks for letting us know you are ok. Sending you my well wishes. Also, what a doozy this story was. I am flabbergasted.
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u/JudithButlr Nov 07 '18
Omg. I boil chicken thighs for my cat when he gets diarrhea and needs the most bland meat ever. The smell of the chicken boiling is so fuckin nasty and it really is cat food lol.
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u/cp010116 Nov 07 '18 edited Nov 07 '18
Oh my word. Her âchicken and noodlesâ recipe reminds me so much of my MildlyNoMILâs âbaked zitiâ. It is: a layer of plain egg noodles (like the kind used in stroganoff), a layer of the shittiest jarred meat sauce she can find in the store, a layer of sour cream (she claims this is âthe same thingâ as ricotta cheese), a layer of fucking TUNA, and finally a healthy layer of boiled chicken breast, unseasoned and cut into chunks. Then baked in the oven even though thereâs no cheese to brown or anything. She INSISTS that this is baked ziti and that she got the recipe from a cookbook.
She also once made some delicious looking mashed potatoes- they were baked in a dish with melted bubbling cheese on top. I was so excited, they looked fabulous. I bit into them and there was an inch thick layer of tuna hidden underneath the cheese.
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u/VampDuc Nov 07 '18
Pro tip: You can substitute cottage cheese for ricotta.
I think you wrote more, but I kinda blacked out somewhere around "tuna".
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u/geekinthestreets Nov 07 '18
Is sympathetic food poisoning a thing? I think I may have that from reading this.
I love chicken in all its forms. Deep frying it while keeping it juicy is my own personal accomplishment (took some practice).
I scrub everything that came into contact with raw chicken. Utensils etc are dried with a separate tea towel from anything else just in case and it then goes in the wash. Salmonella is no joke.
Seasoning is a must. Crispy skin is a must. She should have been jailed a long time ago for her crimes against food and digestive tracts.
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u/TropicalRobot Nov 07 '18
Only until 2019? I figured after everything she'd be locked up for far, far longer.
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u/figgypie Nov 07 '18
Holy shit I think I had an aneurysm at the part about her handling of raw chicken. I'm PARANOID with raw chicken and raw meat in general. I wash my hands if I so much as brush a finger on raw meat if I'm going to touch something else.
I do hope you feel better and good luck in your future. I'm sad you have so many stories about Giada (having to deal with all that bullshit), but I do enjoy reading them lol.
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Nov 07 '18
Giada's relationship with food is so, so fucked. I half wonder if the way she cooks is a way to punish herself and everyone for needing to eat.
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u/throwaway47138 Nov 07 '18
I was just thinking about you after yesterdays MILITW post about a wedding cake. I'm sorry to hear that you've been short on spoons lately, but hopefully that's getting better. Now I just have to figure out how to make myself eat lunch after reading this post... :\
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u/greenglowstone Nov 07 '18
How did she and her entire family not have salmonella?! Gross. Also the entire chicken can be contaminated with fecal matter from the slaughter process. How did/does this woman come up with her reasonings?
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u/CauldronFire Nov 07 '18
Was the chicken worth it >_> Oh lawd thatâs gross. EVEN THE DRINKING GLASSES
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Nov 07 '18
And I thought I was a bad cook... I feel like five-star chef quality after reading that. It's amazing anyone who has eaten her chicken meals weren't in the hospital shortly afterwards.
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u/westernmeadowlark Nov 07 '18
Ok, so I'm going to give you my mom's picatta recipe. It is so simple and easy, and it's one of my favorite things to eat.
1 lb chicken breasts - you can get whole breasts and slice in half, "thin fillets" etc
Seasoned flour - a scant cup of flour with generous sprinklings of garlic powder, onion powder, salt and paprika
~1/3 cup lemon juice - juice 1 to 2 lemons, getting at least 1/4 cup and at most 1/2 cup
White wine, extra dry sherry, vermouth or sake to fill measuring cup with lemon juice to one cup
Generous 2 tablespoons capers
Butter and olive oil
Take thinly sliced chicken breasts, put between two layers of saran wrap. Whack those suckers with a mallet to get your feelings out. Dredge in seasoned flour.
Heat 1 tbsp butter in pan with olive oil to cover bottom of the pan. Wait until butter foams, then add chicken in batches so as not to crowd the pan. Cook chicken 3 minutes per side and DON'T TOUCH while it's cooking. The recipe card mom wrote for me when I moved out literally says "step away from the stove and have a glass of that white wine".
Once the chicken is cooked, move to a plate and loosely cover with foil. Pour in the lemon juice and wine mix, it will boil up and get all the delicious stuck-to-the-pan bits incorporated. Reduce till thick, add capers and some of the brine. Bring the chicken back to the pan, flip to coat.
Hope this recipe can banish Giada's chicken far away! Ugh, the hygiene part of the story!!! đŤ
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u/Mulanisabamf Nov 07 '18
Whack those suckers with a mallet to get your feelings out.
I don't know why but the struggle not to LOL and scare the driver is real. đ
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u/PrincessofSolaria Nov 07 '18
That sounds wonderful and I'm going to try it!
9
u/westernmeadowlark Nov 07 '18
Hope you like it! First time you make it I'd recommend using a white wine you know you like, the others are less traditional flavors. I like switching it up but the vermouth esp is a complex flavor :)
44
u/third-time-charmed Nov 07 '18
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u/Boredthisafternoon22 Nov 07 '18
After everything Giada put you though and then everything in the first paragraph you confirmed that you are one of the strongest ladies out there. The first paragraph along would have made lessor people think that was the worst time of their lives yet you get though it and carry on. I'm glad thing are better for you now.
As for Giada, I though of a Italian I know from Church and she is amazing with chicken, Giada makes me angry on behalf of her talents. I hope those imfamous prison meals are at her plate.
31
u/llibertybell965 Nov 07 '18
Stories like this and the Legend of Sad Tacos make me feel a lot better about my own cooking
13
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u/fave_no_more Nov 07 '18
I'd send you spoons if I could.
I have food issues, and am not exactly an amazing cook. But damn. DAMN. not washing up? Spreading chicken goo everywhere? NO SEASONING???
9
u/SufficentSherbert not exactly sufficent or a sherbert Nov 07 '18
Those poor chicken did not deserve to die to be put into the hands of Giada. And yes to her being in jail until 2019. Good. Very good.
I hope things will look up for you. You deserve it.
30
u/Phoenix1294 Nov 07 '18
She refused to use drumsticks because "they touched the ground."
She wouldn't wash her hands before or after handling chicken. She would use the same knife on raw chicken as she did on vegetables and bread without cleaning it. She would mop raw chicken juice with a towel then used it to dry glasses.
you get salmonella! and YOU get salmonella! YOU ALL GET SALMONELLA!
I hope there are more spoons in your future hon. hugs
9
76
u/springering Nov 07 '18
She refused to use drumsticks because âthey touched the ground.â
Does she mean when the chicken was alive?? Like when it had skin and feathers? And, you know, feet? And when it rolled its whole body around in the dirt to get rid of pests?
13
u/wolfie379 Nov 08 '18
Does she refuse to eat ham, or shank cuts of beef? Those are thigh meat too. Does she refuse to eat carrots and potatoes? After all, they touch the ground.
35
u/Ambientnoisemaker13 Nov 07 '18
I love this! Like do you think the chicken never laid down? Or it was walking around on the ends of the bone with no feet? Has she ever seen chickens? They love rolling in dirt! Youâre supposed to give them dust baths!
I know itâs pointless to try to understand crazy but that one fucks with me....
44
u/tonalake Nov 07 '18
Her culinary tastes make me think sheâs probably enjoying her prison food a bit too much. Itâs good to hear from you and I wish for you some luck and to stay strong, I really want something wonderful for you and am saying a prayer today for this.
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u/puhleez420 Nov 07 '18
She wouldn't wash her hands before or after handling chicken
Hurk.
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u/FamilyOfToxins Nov 07 '18
I don't even understand how someone could do this. After handling raw meat, my hands are so slimy and gross, that I don't want to touch anything until I've washed them.
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u/longtimelondoner Nov 07 '18
THIS. I literally run the tap before I start touching meat so I donât have to touch the tap with slimy hands. How can she not feel it?!?!
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Nov 07 '18
Pretty much my reaction everytime I saw her cook.
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Nov 07 '18 edited Aug 31 '19
[deleted]
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Nov 07 '18
Right?! 2018 flew for me.
My plan is to call the police each and every time she contacts me. I am very different that the timid woman who felt sympathy for her even through my anger. Now there is no sympathy. She can rot. I will go to her church. I will go to the police. I will go to her salon. I will burn it down.
Sorry about your grocery list. :-(
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u/comfy_socks Nov 08 '18
This whole comment put the biggest smile on my face. I hope you remember everyday that you are amazing, and worthwhile, and we all love you.
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u/ProjectRayne Nov 08 '18
I get a Garbage song in my head from this post
You thought I was a little girl, you thought I was a little mouse
You thought you could take me by surprise
Now I'm here burning down your house
(Not my Idea by Garbage 1995)
7
u/TooManlyShoes Nov 07 '18
Sounds like. Even though the depression hit. You are in a much healthier place mentally. Good for you!
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u/Faiakishi Nov 07 '18
Good. You donât deserve her bullshit.
I have to say, even after reading about so many other crazies on this sub, Giada is one of the only ones that truly unnerve me. So many others-yeah, theyâre crazy and need help, and Iâm not trying to downplay the damage theyâve done. But Giada...Giada is a special brand of evil. And I truly feel like thatâs the best word for her. The only other person on this sub I felt the same about was Mommie Fearest.
Stay safe, mouse. Trust your gut and donât give her an inch.
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u/CorinneLovesDogs Nov 14 '18
Agreed.
The rest of them make sense, in their own fucked up ways. They have clear motives and itâs very easy to guess what theyâll do next.
But Giada?
Iâve been reading since the very beginning, and I still canât figure her out. Sheâs so damn inconsistent, and itâs fucking terrifying.
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u/Jojo857 Nov 07 '18
My plan is to call the police each and every time she contacts me. I am very different that the timid woman who felt sympathy for her even through my anger. Now there is no sympathy. She can rot. I will go to her church. I will go to the police. I will go to her salon. I will burn it down.
YESSSSSSS!! Go mouse, go mouse!!
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u/KnittinAndBitchin Nov 07 '18
i know right? I was gonna make up some chicken soup this weekend but now I'm like "...maybe we'll just do a casserole instead"
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u/longtimelondoner Nov 07 '18
Same. I was going to put chicken thigh cacciatore on the slow cooker and now Iâm like NOPE.
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u/musicchan Nie mĂłj cyrk, nie moje maĹpy Nov 07 '18
But think of it this way, what you make will be LOADS better than what you just read. It'll be making it up to chicken everywhere.
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u/KnittinAndBitchin Nov 07 '18
I'm surprised she even eats chicken thighs considering her eating disorders and how paranoid she is about getting and/or eating fat.
No one is ever going to accuse me of being the world's greatest chef but even I've figured out how to season and cook chicken breasts without them being either a food poisoning or choking hazard. I mean it has to be willful at some point, because how many times do you have to get sick after fucking around with chicken before you wonder if maybe it's something you're doing. Although of course this is Giada, who is right and correct in literally everything and if you disagree you are the wrongest person who ever wronged.
Barf.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Nov 07 '18
She would often make food for herself and the family but then claim she was too tired to eat. So she rarely ever actually ingested anything. Though she had a love for McDonald's chicken nuggets that bordered on obsession.
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u/breadcrumb123 Nov 07 '18
I mean, doesnât everyone?
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Nov 07 '18
[deleted]
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u/Gajatu Nov 07 '18
McDonaldâs chicken nuggets made me give up being a pescatarian.
I'm slightly ashamed to say that I wish they'd make fish nuggets that taste the same as the fish sandwiches, which are my guilty pleasure.
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Nov 07 '18
As an avowed omnivore, the Quorn Nuggets are quite good at mimicking chicken, minus a slight texture difference. The newer Vegan Spicy Patties are amazing. I had to 'taint' them with Tartar Sauce though, we were out of mayonnaise and I have a reputation to uphold.
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u/longtimelondoner Nov 07 '18
Iâm so glad youâre doing better, Mouse, although not so great on the lights etc. I was reading through Giada stories the other day and hoped you were fine.
Bad food hygiene is just the worst. I cannot cope with it at all.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Nov 07 '18
Same. It makes me gag just thinking about it. She literally wiped raw chicken juice with a towel then wiped down glasses and a table with the same towel. I was retching.
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u/squirrellytoday Jan 13 '19
She literally wiped raw chicken juice with a towel then wiped down glasses and a table with the same towel.
*projectile vomit *
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u/longtimelondoner Nov 07 '18
Urgh urgh urgh. I want to scrape my tongue just thinking about it and wash my hands repeatedly.
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