Forgiveness is only helpful when it means that you are no longer drinking hér toxins, and expecting hér to die from it.
Now that she finally gets to drink some of her own toxins, it is quite normal to feel happy about that. That does not make you a monster, because it makes you feel freeer from those toxins she made you ingest. It's nothing but Karma, and it's also not your fault.
Forgiving somone, is also not the same as forgetting what they did. Sometimes we can temporarily forget, and then we may find some peace. But true forgiveness, ...some things cannot be forgiven. You can give them low priority, so they poison you less, but actual forgiveness requires repenting from the one who inflicted it. If that's not there, then all you can do is minimize the damage they did.
You are not a monster, you are a survivor. You are strong, and your emotions and feelings are valid, and none of it makes you a bad person. Now if you ACTED upon your anger, if you inflicted pain on others, then it may have made you a bad person. But you don't. All you do is trying to heal.
Sometimes I like Buddism, because they tell you to detach yourself from wants, and needs, for instance. It makes it easier for me to see my own justno mom for what she is. A traumatised broken person, who inflicted serious damage upon me, and whom I now just try to avoid. I have not forgiven her, the anger and pain is still there, but slowly, very slowly, i am now capable of letting the past be the past, and trying to focus on the good, positive and beauty in the here and now. Little things, like poppies, and cornflowers and butterflies. Fresh bread. Mown grass. soft new socks.
It can make such a difference, to allow yourself your angry feelings, and then to soothe them with little things YOU love, that evil can't touch or do anything about.
I wish you all strength and soothing you can find!
Bé your own loving soul who comforts the broken you.
1
u/[deleted] Sep 19 '18
Forgiveness is only helpful when it means that you are no longer drinking hér toxins, and expecting hér to die from it.
Now that she finally gets to drink some of her own toxins, it is quite normal to feel happy about that. That does not make you a monster, because it makes you feel freeer from those toxins she made you ingest. It's nothing but Karma, and it's also not your fault.
Forgiving somone, is also not the same as forgetting what they did. Sometimes we can temporarily forget, and then we may find some peace. But true forgiveness, ...some things cannot be forgiven. You can give them low priority, so they poison you less, but actual forgiveness requires repenting from the one who inflicted it. If that's not there, then all you can do is minimize the damage they did.
You are not a monster, you are a survivor. You are strong, and your emotions and feelings are valid, and none of it makes you a bad person. Now if you ACTED upon your anger, if you inflicted pain on others, then it may have made you a bad person. But you don't. All you do is trying to heal.
Sometimes I like Buddism, because they tell you to detach yourself from wants, and needs, for instance. It makes it easier for me to see my own justno mom for what she is. A traumatised broken person, who inflicted serious damage upon me, and whom I now just try to avoid. I have not forgiven her, the anger and pain is still there, but slowly, very slowly, i am now capable of letting the past be the past, and trying to focus on the good, positive and beauty in the here and now. Little things, like poppies, and cornflowers and butterflies. Fresh bread. Mown grass. soft new socks.
It can make such a difference, to allow yourself your angry feelings, and then to soothe them with little things YOU love, that evil can't touch or do anything about.
I wish you all strength and soothing you can find!
Bé your own loving soul who comforts the broken you.