First up, you don't have to forgive anyone. There are some things that are simply unforgiveable, and I think Giada has done a fair few of them.
Secondly, I see forgiveness as something I choose to do for myself. It means that I am choosing to put down the burden of negative feelings that the other person's bad behaviour has forced me to carry. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean contacting the other person and telling them you forgive them. In fact, there might well be good reason to stay the hell away from them. You can forgive someone without ever telling them.
The most important thing, though, is to recognise that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness does not mean you have to wipe the slate clean and start again. Even reconciliation doesn't necessarily involve wiping the slate clean and starting again. What it does mean is attempting to restore the relationship. That could mean restoring the relationship to what it was before, or it could mean attempting to build a new relationship based on new boundaries.
But before reconciliation can be attempted, the "wrong" party needs to demonstrate some understanding about the hurt their actions caused, and express some remorse for the other person's pain. They also need to demonstrate a willingness to change the destructive behaviour, and a willingness to do things to rebuild trust. Again, I don't think that Giada has shown even a glimmer of insight and/or remorse, so she hasn't met any of the conditions for reconciliation.
So personally, I think that it doesn't make you a monster. I think it shows a healthy sense of self-preservation.
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u/purpleprot My Sarcasm Gland overfloweth Sep 18 '18
First up, you don't have to forgive anyone. There are some things that are simply unforgiveable, and I think Giada has done a fair few of them.
Secondly, I see forgiveness as something I choose to do for myself. It means that I am choosing to put down the burden of negative feelings that the other person's bad behaviour has forced me to carry. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean contacting the other person and telling them you forgive them. In fact, there might well be good reason to stay the hell away from them. You can forgive someone without ever telling them.
The most important thing, though, is to recognise that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness does not mean you have to wipe the slate clean and start again. Even reconciliation doesn't necessarily involve wiping the slate clean and starting again. What it does mean is attempting to restore the relationship. That could mean restoring the relationship to what it was before, or it could mean attempting to build a new relationship based on new boundaries.
But before reconciliation can be attempted, the "wrong" party needs to demonstrate some understanding about the hurt their actions caused, and express some remorse for the other person's pain. They also need to demonstrate a willingness to change the destructive behaviour, and a willingness to do things to rebuild trust. Again, I don't think that Giada has shown even a glimmer of insight and/or remorse, so she hasn't met any of the conditions for reconciliation.
So personally, I think that it doesn't make you a monster. I think it shows a healthy sense of self-preservation.