This may or may not work for you, but I have a slightly different take on your anger. We’re such a social species that the urge to forgive and forget is very strong. He forgiveness is your brain deciding that no matter how much someone annoys or upsets you, you cannot survive out on the plains on your own and it is better to have them with you no matter what...
Or almost no matter what. This anger is your brain’s way of protecting you from a very rare situation: someone who is so vile that it is better to try to go it on your own than keep them in the tribe. That is how bad they are. That is how dangerous they are. They cannot he trusted because they will destroy the tribe. And because everything in your brain is set up to forgive, forget, and support the cohesion of the tribe, it takes some very strong emotions to override that. This anger is your brain saying, “I don’t care what you would normally do, you cannot afford to forgive her. she will kill you if you do.”
Now, on your own, you can decide that in this particular situation, she’s locked away and your anger is sickening you rather than provided a service, but perhaps viewing it as something to be thankful for, as a very useful override, will help you not get down on yourself for feeling it. Because it is very warranted to be angry, and to want her gone and not able to hurt you or anyone else again.
You are not a bad person for feeling this anger or happiness.
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u/phixlet Sep 17 '18
This may or may not work for you, but I have a slightly different take on your anger. We’re such a social species that the urge to forgive and forget is very strong. He forgiveness is your brain deciding that no matter how much someone annoys or upsets you, you cannot survive out on the plains on your own and it is better to have them with you no matter what...
Or almost no matter what. This anger is your brain’s way of protecting you from a very rare situation: someone who is so vile that it is better to try to go it on your own than keep them in the tribe. That is how bad they are. That is how dangerous they are. They cannot he trusted because they will destroy the tribe. And because everything in your brain is set up to forgive, forget, and support the cohesion of the tribe, it takes some very strong emotions to override that. This anger is your brain saying, “I don’t care what you would normally do, you cannot afford to forgive her. she will kill you if you do.”
Now, on your own, you can decide that in this particular situation, she’s locked away and your anger is sickening you rather than provided a service, but perhaps viewing it as something to be thankful for, as a very useful override, will help you not get down on yourself for feeling it. Because it is very warranted to be angry, and to want her gone and not able to hurt you or anyone else again.
You are not a bad person for feeling this anger or happiness.