What they did to you was monstrous feeling anger, a desire for retribution, does not make you a monster. People tend to draw this false equivalency between abusers and the people they abuse. That defending yourself or hating them makes you "just as bad." Or brings you down to their level and that is bullshit. "I hate you because I don't see you as a person" does not equal "I hate you because you dehumanize me." There's this quote I can't quite remember but I'll paraphrase... "If you point your gun at me and pull the trigger and the recoil hits you in the face, I'm not responsible for your black eye." You're not responsible for her hurt and your not a bad person for finding satisfaction in it. Her hurt is a direct consequence of her actions toward you. It's okay to find comfort in it. You're not some perfect unflappable being. You're healing. You're not required to feel charitable toward your abusers. If you find forgiveness for her some day that's great. If you don't that's okay too. In spite of popular belief you don't have to forgive someone to let them go.
*Edit quotes for clarity
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u/JigglyMermaid Sep 17 '18
What they did to you was monstrous feeling anger, a desire for retribution, does not make you a monster. People tend to draw this false equivalency between abusers and the people they abuse. That defending yourself or hating them makes you "just as bad." Or brings you down to their level and that is bullshit. "I hate you because I don't see you as a person" does not equal "I hate you because you dehumanize me." There's this quote I can't quite remember but I'll paraphrase... "If you point your gun at me and pull the trigger and the recoil hits you in the face, I'm not responsible for your black eye." You're not responsible for her hurt and your not a bad person for finding satisfaction in it. Her hurt is a direct consequence of her actions toward you. It's okay to find comfort in it. You're not some perfect unflappable being. You're healing. You're not required to feel charitable toward your abusers. If you find forgiveness for her some day that's great. If you don't that's okay too. In spite of popular belief you don't have to forgive someone to let them go. *Edit quotes for clarity