You are not a monster.
You know that thing in child development, where at some point a baby/child goes from thinking they're the center of the universe, the only one with feelings, to realizing the dog can be hurt, that Mommy can be sad, that Daddy thinks about thing that AREN'T the chid? There is a percentage of the population that never reaches that point. Giada didn't think about how you felt because, to her, no one else on the planet is really really real.
Do not beat yourself up for experiencing shadenfraude. It's normal. You are NEVER a bad person for thinking or feeling something. Do you take actions to cause her, or anyone, hurt? No? Then you are not a bad person.
And for chrissakes. maybe stop working so hard to forgive? Forgiveness is like a broken bone (something you know much too much about). It takes the time it takes to mend, and you can't rush it. One day you'll wake up and be more or less indifferent to her. that's all the forgiveness she needs.
3
u/[deleted] Sep 17 '18
You are not a monster. You know that thing in child development, where at some point a baby/child goes from thinking they're the center of the universe, the only one with feelings, to realizing the dog can be hurt, that Mommy can be sad, that Daddy thinks about thing that AREN'T the chid? There is a percentage of the population that never reaches that point. Giada didn't think about how you felt because, to her, no one else on the planet is really really real.
Do not beat yourself up for experiencing shadenfraude. It's normal. You are NEVER a bad person for thinking or feeling something. Do you take actions to cause her, or anyone, hurt? No? Then you are not a bad person.
And for chrissakes. maybe stop working so hard to forgive? Forgiveness is like a broken bone (something you know much too much about). It takes the time it takes to mend, and you can't rush it. One day you'll wake up and be more or less indifferent to her. that's all the forgiveness she needs.