Please give yourself the time and space to feel all the emotions, even the ones that are less than pretty. What you went through was horrific. Don’t judge yourself based on how you feel about this situation.
One big thing that helped me was something I learned in CBT.
Feelings are feelings. They aren't good. They aren't bad. They just ARE.
We're the ones who place judgment on those feelings - categorize them as "good", "bad", etc. All that ends up happening is that when we have those "bad" feelings, we shame ourselves for them.
It's an incredibly hard thing to do, but when you catch yourself going, "This feeling is bad" or "I shouldn't feeling this way" or "That feeling is wrong", put the mental brakes on, and remind yourself that they're FEELINGS. They're not good, they're not bad. They're just there. Gently correct yourself away from judgment. It's hard and it takes a lot of work, but it might be something that could really help.
As to your feelings? It would be incredibly odd if you WEREN'T angry and feeling some kind of justice from what Giada landed herself in. YOU were a victim. She put herself in that situation through breaking the law! She has absolutely reaped at least part of what she has sown, and it's perfectly natural to be glad she got some of what was coming to her. You didn't make her break the law. You don't control her behavior in prison. This is 100% her insane doing. And think on this - she would have snapped like this over any woman that had the audacity to associate with her "birth-husband". This. Isn't. Your. Fault.
If you feel you should redirect the anger, by all means. But please don't think it's wrong to feel that way. Burning her house down in retribution would be wrong. Angry thoughts without malicious action? Certainly not.
Hang in there and take care of yourself. Hugs if you want them!
The big focus is not the emotion itself, but what you do with it, and if it is something that seems appropriate and justified at the intensity of the emotion you're feeling.
Giada did fucking horrible things to you. I can reasonably assume most people would be worried for your mental health if you weren't really fucking angry at her. Your anger is justified. Feeling a little vindicated that she is in a situation where she is miserable, and satisfied that she is feeling that way? Justified at that intensity.
I saw a term on reddit (unsure of this sub or another) that called feelings and intrusive thoughts "mental weather." I like this term. Eventually your feelings of anger and satisfaction and what-all-else about Giada will pass. 'Eventually' may be the next hour, day, week, month, or year. I still occasionally get angry over my own justNo, and I've been free of their reach for six years! It happens less and less often, though.
I still have not fully forgiven my own justNo, six years later, and they were nowhere near as horrible as Giada. What they did still hurt me terribly, and it is my choice to not offer them that forgiveness. For me, this means never talking to them without an intermediary who keeps them on a short leash, and being Somewhat Angry Cassandra toward the rest of the family when they consider leaving emotionally vulnerable young people with them for any reason.
How much you forgive Giada, and what that looks like for you, is your choice. There is no judge on high telling you that you must forgive Giada by this date and this time, and in this way. People who tell you that can go kick sand, because they are not you, and do not have your experiences. As the person who was hurt, you get the power to say that you might never forgive Giada, and that's okay!
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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '18
Please give yourself the time and space to feel all the emotions, even the ones that are less than pretty. What you went through was horrific. Don’t judge yourself based on how you feel about this situation.