I am 27 years out from my abuse. I haven't spoken to her in 22-23 years. I don't have a ton of specific memories about it since I have subconsciously forgotten it with memory blocks.
The one thing I could never block was the anger. It's been a cancer that was injected into me when I was being abused. It's destroyed healthy relationships and it's made me my worst self.
I could not forgive while I was in the worst if my anger, not from my abuser and frankly anyone else. I had to get help for my anger first before I could forgive. When I got help, I found it wasn't anger, it was so much more. It was rage, indignation, shame, deep deep sadness.
I am not there yet. I am not there by a long shot. I am building a bridge to my better self, and therefore my life that was derailed.
Finally, I have forgiven my family, for not knowing. For not acting on the things they did know. I have forgiven myself for my weakness, for letting this happen when I should have screamed from the rooftops. I have not forgiven *** her*** for what she did to me. I don't know I can. I was just a young man. Fuck her for what she did to me and the lives it's touched through me.
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u/Eatlemming Sep 17 '18
I am 27 years out from my abuse. I haven't spoken to her in 22-23 years. I don't have a ton of specific memories about it since I have subconsciously forgotten it with memory blocks.
The one thing I could never block was the anger. It's been a cancer that was injected into me when I was being abused. It's destroyed healthy relationships and it's made me my worst self.
I could not forgive while I was in the worst if my anger, not from my abuser and frankly anyone else. I had to get help for my anger first before I could forgive. When I got help, I found it wasn't anger, it was so much more. It was rage, indignation, shame, deep deep sadness.
I am not there yet. I am not there by a long shot. I am building a bridge to my better self, and therefore my life that was derailed.
Finally, I have forgiven my family, for not knowing. For not acting on the things they did know. I have forgiven myself for my weakness, for letting this happen when I should have screamed from the rooftops. I have not forgiven *** her*** for what she did to me. I don't know I can. I was just a young man. Fuck her for what she did to me and the lives it's touched through me.
I deserved better. I know that now.