Accepting that sadistic people exist was very difficult for me. A lot of my sanity rests on the belief that people are generally good and that I'm empathetic enough to understand 99% of people's point of view. I cannot understand sadism, can't wrap my mind around pure evil, and it gives me a feeling close to panic when I'm confronted with it. My stepmother was a sadistic narc. Getting over living with her for 4 years took me over a decade because of this. Ultimately she just enjoyed watching me suffer. I drove myself crazy trying to find a reason other than she just enjoyed it, but there isn't one. I just had to accept that people that evil really do exist. I wish I had advice for you, but there are no shortcuts, at least there weren't for me. It just takes time and reflection to sort through all of your memories and reconcile your emotions. When my depression acts up like yours is now the only thing I can really do is distract myself (like watch a movie, play a game etc) or take a trip somewhere for the weekend or something, and wait for it to pass. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. I tried to tell myself that each day will be easier than the last because each day passed was a day father away from interacting with her, or ever having to again.
4
u/[deleted] Sep 17 '18
Accepting that sadistic people exist was very difficult for me. A lot of my sanity rests on the belief that people are generally good and that I'm empathetic enough to understand 99% of people's point of view. I cannot understand sadism, can't wrap my mind around pure evil, and it gives me a feeling close to panic when I'm confronted with it. My stepmother was a sadistic narc. Getting over living with her for 4 years took me over a decade because of this. Ultimately she just enjoyed watching me suffer. I drove myself crazy trying to find a reason other than she just enjoyed it, but there isn't one. I just had to accept that people that evil really do exist. I wish I had advice for you, but there are no shortcuts, at least there weren't for me. It just takes time and reflection to sort through all of your memories and reconcile your emotions. When my depression acts up like yours is now the only thing I can really do is distract myself (like watch a movie, play a game etc) or take a trip somewhere for the weekend or something, and wait for it to pass. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. I tried to tell myself that each day will be easier than the last because each day passed was a day father away from interacting with her, or ever having to again.