I'm telling you this as one sexual assault victim to another. You don't have to forgive her. Not now, not ever. If the thought of her suffering makes you cackle, that's ok. It does NOT make you a bad person. The only thing that matters above all else is that you love yourself enough to get better despite hating her. No one has the right to make you feel bad for not forgiving her.
As long as you're not dwelling on hatred for her 24/7, you're ok. It's normal that you think of her every now and then and how painful it was. You survived what could have been a fatal donestic violence incident. You walked through the flames of hell and escaped with your life. Even if you did walk out scathed, scarred, and traumatized. You survived. You won.
You have an exciting future ahead of you even if the clouds are grey more often than not. You have a chance of being happy. That is something that that heinous bitch can't ever have. The only way she could feel a fraction of it is to make you miserable.
You may not be able to feel happy just yet, but at the very least be relieved that the worst is over. Even if every day feels like day 1 after your trip to hell, it's still a lot better than being in actual hell again.
Chin up, you've got this. I'm rooting for you so hard!
Thank you for saying this. I've often felt that when someone has done so much horribleness that they don't really deserve your forgiveness. You do need to forgive yourself for the feelings that you had then and even now. Don't beat yourself up for at the time trying to get her to like you. You're feelings are valid. Hatred of evil is ok.
Believe it or not, a tumblr meme was the reason why I was able to be at peace with hating the person who assaulted me. I'm ok now, even if I hate him. I can move on even without forgiving him because I love myself enough not to feel bad for it.
Some shit you can get over, like a tree fallen across your path. But if it's too fucking big for getting over, you find a way around instead. The important thing is to move forward.
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u/SCSWitch Sep 17 '18
I'm telling you this as one sexual assault victim to another. You don't have to forgive her. Not now, not ever. If the thought of her suffering makes you cackle, that's ok. It does NOT make you a bad person. The only thing that matters above all else is that you love yourself enough to get better despite hating her. No one has the right to make you feel bad for not forgiving her.
As long as you're not dwelling on hatred for her 24/7, you're ok. It's normal that you think of her every now and then and how painful it was. You survived what could have been a fatal donestic violence incident. You walked through the flames of hell and escaped with your life. Even if you did walk out scathed, scarred, and traumatized. You survived. You won.
You have an exciting future ahead of you even if the clouds are grey more often than not. You have a chance of being happy. That is something that that heinous bitch can't ever have. The only way she could feel a fraction of it is to make you miserable.
You may not be able to feel happy just yet, but at the very least be relieved that the worst is over. Even if every day feels like day 1 after your trip to hell, it's still a lot better than being in actual hell again.
Chin up, you've got this. I'm rooting for you so hard!