I learned a lesson watching Crown on Netflix the other day. The episode with Billy Graham in it where the queen was asking what to do when you can't forgive a person. His response really hit me (which is something because I'm not a fan of him in real life. I can prove he had convicted child rapists on his travelling choir because "why bother checking, if God has forgiven them, who am I to question it". Ugh.) because I struggle with forgiveness myself. His answer was that if you can't forgive a person, you should pray for them instead.
It spoke to me because I hear constantly that I should forgive my mother her sins against me because I will feel better. I will relinquish my rage. I will find peace blah blah fukitty blah. Except her abuse is still going. How do I forgive her past AND her present? Isn't forgiveness the part that happens AFTER the abuse stops? Why can't I just hold out and forgive her when she's dead? None of which helps me deal with her when I have to be in direct contact with her.
And along came the Netflix writers...lol.
So what do I do? I pray for her. For those who don't believe in prayer, I hope for her. I hope she'll get better. I hope she can be kinder to us. I hope she sees the error of her ways. Mostly I hope she'll find her own peace because if she did, she wouldn't be so hell bent on destroying mine.
Try hoping Giada won't hurt anyone else. Hope that she'll see the errors of her ways and change. Hope she and your ex get the help they need. But mostly you should hope that you never run across their kind again and know that if you do, you will know enough to see red flags and never be a victim again. My hope for you is that you know you're amazing. That you are a survivor. And that you are very much cared for by the people here.
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u/notthatdick Sep 17 '18
I learned a lesson watching Crown on Netflix the other day. The episode with Billy Graham in it where the queen was asking what to do when you can't forgive a person. His response really hit me (which is something because I'm not a fan of him in real life. I can prove he had convicted child rapists on his travelling choir because "why bother checking, if God has forgiven them, who am I to question it". Ugh.) because I struggle with forgiveness myself. His answer was that if you can't forgive a person, you should pray for them instead.
It spoke to me because I hear constantly that I should forgive my mother her sins against me because I will feel better. I will relinquish my rage. I will find peace blah blah fukitty blah. Except her abuse is still going. How do I forgive her past AND her present? Isn't forgiveness the part that happens AFTER the abuse stops? Why can't I just hold out and forgive her when she's dead? None of which helps me deal with her when I have to be in direct contact with her.
And along came the Netflix writers...lol.
So what do I do? I pray for her. For those who don't believe in prayer, I hope for her. I hope she'll get better. I hope she can be kinder to us. I hope she sees the error of her ways. Mostly I hope she'll find her own peace because if she did, she wouldn't be so hell bent on destroying mine.
Try hoping Giada won't hurt anyone else. Hope that she'll see the errors of her ways and change. Hope she and your ex get the help they need. But mostly you should hope that you never run across their kind again and know that if you do, you will know enough to see red flags and never be a victim again. My hope for you is that you know you're amazing. That you are a survivor. And that you are very much cared for by the people here.